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gray rain May 2016
Finally they're done
A year until the next

I can't do anything now
It's over, is the test

Biology, chemistry, physics
All three I made a mess

There's no point dwelling in
sadness hope I tried my best

There's nothing to do now
except hope and wait and rest
I finished my exams yesterday for core science.
I'm sitting them early but will have more next yeay.
gray rain May 2016
.

**if exclamation
marks  put
emphasis
on   the
word or
phrase
before
what

about
inside
it ?
gray rain May 2016
Let's just face it
we're all living a lie
thinking we're something
but eventually we'll die

we'll be forgotten
buried in the ground
or burned down to ash
and scattered all around
gray rain Apr 2016
You read my work and
think it's anonymous but fail
to realise it's speaking to you
gray rain Jul 2016
Bright green fields
And a brighter blue sky
Tractors moving
As the clouds float by

Tent's pitched
Kinda quick,
Fire's lit
No wood on it

Guitars strum
Then uku joins along
But my phone is singing
The song

Playing football
With the farmers dog
Then go back to
Burning logs

As night falls
On the fields around
The gentleness of the
Guitar is the only sound.
I just got back from camping at this farm.
gray rain May 2016
I'm tearing myself
from inside to out
destroying myself
with fear and doubt
gray rain Aug 2016
Fear is the enemy
That punches you in the face
It freezes you up
Not allowing you to block with pace.

Fear is the enemy
That kicks you in the chest
Leaving you unable to defend
Because you're out of breath.

Fear is the enemy
That will **** you
With all the regret
Of what you didn't do
Don't let fear beat you up
gray rain May 2016
Cutting yourself
to feel something
something inside
like you're not empty

as you see the blood
pour out the emptiness
remains and the pain
doesn't disappeared

it stays
heavy
weighing down
it stays


unable to leave

you drain yourself
emptying yourself
into the sink
but the pain

remains and
nothing changes
you can't go back
the cuts are there

the scars a reminder
of the emptiness
the meaningless
the nothingness

you once had, a reminder
of a feeling you couldn't
be rid of
gray rain Jun 2022
Everything seems so shallow,
like my masculinity is my purpose,
like a shield to protect everyone around me,
but I'm only protecting myself.
when no one needs protecting.
I don't know who I am anymore
The past few months I have changed a lot, no longer scared to experience my femininity and while being masculine is a characteristic of my experience as a woman since for the past decade. Maybe it's having no female friends forcing me to look within for that side of myself maybe getting older makes me safe enough to express myself.
gray rain Apr 2016
Everyone here seems to know each other
not like a son knows his mother
but they know each other

and I'm sat looking over
hundreds of people
yet alone I feel

in an unknown city
with people wearing white
people dressed to fight

they fight with swords
but not with shields
in straight lines
is where they choose to shine
gray rain Apr 2016
I have this fight coming up
I'm up against someone who seems to be strong but I could be wrong
They seem to be set in their ways but they could be hiding something and not know what to say
maybe I can win this fight
If I think I can and use all my might
Maybe i can win this internal fight
between my heart and mind
And I hope my heart comes out on top
and my love for life will return and not stop
gray rain Apr 2016
Fight with words
even the swords
agree
gray rain Aug 2016
I guess only funerals are for goodbyes
Because you will definitely never see them again until you reach the other side.
gray rain May 2016
Memories of you never cross my mind
memories of you I cannot be bothered to find
gray rain Aug 2016
The first day back from the summer break and guys without ties have to buy one by Thursday.

I got away with breaking rules with my hair and how tight my trousers were but what are they actually going to say.

It's still summer so why are we even at school? Everyone is tired and just wants to sleep another day.
Kinda **** but I'm tired and it's not even 7pm yet
gray rain Apr 2016
People say
follow your head
not your heart
but if you do
you won't get very far
gray rain Apr 2016
Forget my life
I'll dig a hole and live inside
away from pressure
away from hate
I'm not perfect
and I'll accept that fate
no need to put up a front
that kills me inside
I'm waiting for the day
when I can finally hide
away from all my troubles
away from all my life
the day when I can dig a hole
is the day my life will feel right
gray rain May 2016
History
a mystery
of facts
and artefacts
swallowed by time

evolution
or revolution
fossilised claws
and medieval wars
fallen in time

monarchy
hierarchy
ruling society
to equality
change over time

existence
a distance
from memory
a stone in a cemetery
rotting over time

shut up
boxed up
laid down
in the ground
shipped to a new time

forgotten
or a mystery
written
our history
forgotten in time
gray rain Aug 2016
Forgetting how you felt in the moment makes you forget the memories made.
I haven't been writing much and haven't been happy and all the memories of when I have been happy are gone from my head. I'm kinda stressed from homework and other ****.
gray rain May 2016
Remember this...

You are the reason for countless,
sleepless nights where I lay awake
wondering what light you would bring.

You are the reason I had no imagination,
believing that no one could fill the gaps
and why each day came with a sting.

Unknown to me, who you were going to be.
You sang to me, so sweet! You make my dreams
weep with joy and sadness.

Unknown to me, you were everything
or nothing. Someone to depend on or destroy.
I've torn you down but you stand with me in the mess.

You helped me through everything,
good and bad,  through my darkest moments when
self-harm and suicide didn't seem so bad.

You expected it back in return but when I couldn't
live up, you didn't leave you stayed
because you knew you were the only thing that made me glad.

This is for you, whoever you are,
thanks for being there. I know I don't say it much
but I don't know what I'd do without you.

This is for you,  because I know you are truly
willing to forgive me and I cannot repay that
or even begin to.

Just remember I wrote this for you.
This is my 200th poem on here.
gray rain May 2016
Nothing is definite in the world today
no matter what people say
the American dream
covered by screams
silence by politics and democracy
when the ideal world is based on anarchy
help each other
to help one another
not for a price whatever that may be
but because it's why we were created, people don't see
life is indefinite
but our effects are infinite
conservation
for the future generation
overrun by a system
for not us but them
they don't exist
but are the reason for change not to be dismissed
are we really doing if for the future of them or us?
social acceptance and helping people climb in to the system is it for the future or for our generation, for us!
gray rain May 2016
All of us agree the British school system is ******...

segregation of classes, religion and race.
Teaching one sided and not seeing the other face,
another view.

We're taught that being homophobic and transphobic is bad,
yet treading on eggshells, it's the ignorance! That is sad!
But really...

what is useful information?
When all we learn is not to question segregation.
What we need...

is to be taught about politics and how it works
so we aren't overrun by political jerks
and...

how to pay bills and what are taxes?
Not to depend on parents to teach us these facts!
What's your job?

To teach the clues in the name,
so why does every student want the same,
to know...

about the future, to be prepared for life.
Not what we are taught to believe, we know it's all lies.
we want...

a system where we can learn free,
no one offended, my views belong to me!
You know that...

we want to be treated like an adult, not like a child!
Who made up not having qualifications makes you any less qualified?
if you see something...

you're right! Turn a blind eye,
to those who see it differently or follow what they've been told,
who said 2+2=4
it might be 5
just look through another's eyes.

It's our system we recieve it.
It's our system but do we really truly believe in it?
I just had a discussion with a group of people about many topics. We all have many views and different experiences at school as we live in a very culturally diverse city. Everyone was between the ages of 14 and 16 but are very political and aware of societies flaws.
gray rain May 2016
Stuck in these four walls
for hours every day
outside the rain falls
then it's sunny again
when I get to leave
Fun
gray rain May 2016
Fun
Call us crazy
Cast your judgement
we're having fun
you're welcome to watch us
For all those people who judge people being wierd.
gray rain May 2016
I was thinking about my future 
and what I want to do
but I found I have no interests 
strong enough to hold on to.
Wrote this yesterday but couldn't post it
gray rain May 2016
All you are is a ghost
from my past
But no matter what
you won't stop haunting me
gray rain Apr 2016
When you feel like giving up
go to the mirror
and realise you don't give a ****
gray rain Jul 2016
Glass room in a school?
Yes it may look cool
But in winter we freze
In summer we overheat
And there's no cool breeze
'cause the windows open in
when did it begin?
In 2012, well Air con. Would be good
But you can't and if you could
You would
N't.
Don't correct any spelling errors if there are any!
gray rain Jul 2016
so I hate to say goodbye
and say goodbye again
because there is no denying
it could be the end
the final thing you said
to me. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye again.
Repeated until we reach our end.
gray rain Jul 2016
Good days come and we want them to stay
then bad days come and they fly away
gray rain Apr 2016
Say goodnight to your friends
when your day ends
and as your eyelid decends
gray rain Mar 2022
Sadness became a part of me
taking everything I know
making it all gray
That's what I am

Trying to think of a new way to live
falling into old traps
spitting fire on my old life
trying to forget how to go back

Looking for a way to love
find a way to pick myself back up
gray isn't all I was meant to be
Trying to move on from my past in a new environment, with new people. I am happier than I have ever been but plagued with insecurity and depression. Struggling to show how I really feel.
gray rain Jul 2016
Sorry for not going to see you today
When you're always there for me
And I'm crying, actually crying
with actual tears.
Whilst I get told to make more of an effort
because you won't be here forever
thinking about all the times I walk past your house
and didn't say hello.
I say sorry and usually I make the same mistake over and over and over.
Because it never seems real
it will never seem real
until I walk past your house
and it's empty.
I avoided my family all evening
because I could hear your name and ambulance from upstairs
and I didn't go to see you and make sure you were well.
I didn't go to see you
I didn't go to see you
replays in my head
because I won't see you tomorrow
'cause you'll be in a hospital bed.
They will never be seen in that house again.
gray rain Apr 2016
you had to leave
no emotion shown
I begged you please
but you had to go
gray rain Apr 2016
This is an attempt
to write a haiku but I
can't count syllables
gray rain Jul 2016
You look into my eyes
but yours I've never seen.

You lay by my side
but your touch I never feel.

You are always there
but it feels like a dream.

You are the perfect person
but you're not even real.
gray rain Aug 2016
Ghosts and demons
Haunt both kinds of dreams
For no reason
Other than to hear your screams
Sorry... This is strange
gray rain Apr 2016
My heart would be free
But my head holds the key
gray rain Jun 2016
Burning up everything in his path,
never taking a moment to look back.

Destroying everything he comes into contact
with no regret of his attack.

Surrounding them
engulfed in flames,

his fiery rage
of them it claims

all.

They will fall.

For he is unstoppable.
The first poem I wrote I lost so I rewrote it.
gray rain Apr 2016
Hi
bye
said all the time

what does it mean
we've all seen someone leave

hi
bye
someone just died
Left the world in the blink of an eye
gray rain May 2016
You may not think I care
'cause I act like I don't.
How I feel, I don't share
because I know you won't
understand how I feel
or why.
You think I'm 100% real
but you don't know I hide.
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