Her face displayed a smile,
Her skin made out of false matters,
She painted herself in gold.
How beautiful where her skin,
Her skin striking in the sun,
The paint shone bright,
And inchmeal, she melts.
How could you paint
Plastic out of gold?
Have you dreamt of a world
Filled with her infamous thoughts?
Have you lived in a world
Where her existence
Is just a living nightmare?
Beings? Night terrors?
All because of a
toxic Barbie doll.

You sit by my wooden dresser
There in the corner of my bedroom.
Sweeter you look in front of me,
Than the way you chatter behind me.
Every piece I hold onto,
Thee steal and smirk...
Doing it as if I have not yet caught.
You loved taking my heart into your palm.
Breaking them into pieces
And would make ******* out of them.
What a waste for me to let you
Break it for me.

Call me bossy,
Maybe I’m just clever.
You could be so jealous
I guess I’m just smart.
Do you have those brains, too?
I’ve heard you had none.
You’re pulling me down,
While you had nothing to brag about.
The best of me,
Oh that crap of yours,
I give it my all,
While you had none.
Responsibility, what a word.
Recalling the first times,
You seemed to look innocent.
It was memorable
for you never liked me,
Neither did I.
“Best friend”?
It is such a believable name,
Isn’t it? But, I don’t remember it.
“Stop being my friend”
******, then leave me behind.
I would not be the one doing it for you.
Opening your diary,
While you never read mine.
You ask how I was,
I answered, “I’m fine.”
Your concern? Angelic yet fake.
Look now who’s a Barbie in her smile.
I  am not playing puppets,
I just knew what to do.
I just had a lot of things in mind,
Wishing you told me yours.
I saw those words you held against me,
“She’s this girl and she’s that.”
You little ******, don’t be such a brat.
My mother taught me gossiping is bad,
Why do you do it to me?
I looked like a villain
but I was just a victim.
Oh, I learned in my life...
How I could say “no”,
It is brave, little one.
And to learn is to never trust
And to never talk to a Barbie doll.

The warmth of December turned cold,
No more events for us to wait
what is Christmas without her?
Joy turned into agony,
losing the spirit of Christmas once more.
Days felt like years have passed
Summer's colors turned plain,
looking back in that sky,
And you're name crosses our minds,
Oh how we wish, we would always wish....
Wish that you're already with Him.

The atmosphere, so loud and lively
People dancing with some folk music,
My teacher came up to me
with a worried  face.
How nervous I was
to know about my mom's tears,
Wishing what I could have been thinking
is not the tragedy that could have happened.
Motions blurred in my mind,
wishing "don't let this happen to her"
She deserved her life.

I saw my mother's face,
her swollen eyes and her words broke,
"Your grandmother... she passed away."
There I stood on my ground,
I felt like it was about to fall.
The news repeating back and back again,
It was in my head.

Days turned lonesome,
so does my world, too.
Dad drove us to grandma's house,
Flashbacks were running in my head,
grandma's stories and lessons,
How she laughed filled my ears.
As soon as we've dropped,
I saw her walking up to me,
in thin air, it vanished
as if she flew away.

It was the very first time
we came home,
she never greeted me
with her normal self.
But, with a picture where she wore red
with her name on it...
Greeted me outside of her house.
The white flowers never withered
and there I came by
seeing a white and gold casket
waiting for me inside her house.
I saw her sleeping face with a smile,
as if I still saw her breathing her last breath.

Oh how I wish you waited for me
to be back home.
How much I loved to see you waiting
out there for me, grandma.
I even played the lyre for you,
even sang with my guitar for you,
even played the piano for you,
and I fixed my flute and it's already in tune.
But, I know it was too late for me to come by.

Wishing you waved your hand,
and told me you'll be gone for long.
Know that we love you
and we'll miss you forever.
Wishing you'd reply,
"we'll see each other soon, darling,
don't worry, I'm already fine up here."

Looking at your picture frames
filled with your smiles
Grandma, I miss you...
It won't feel the same
going back to grandma's house

I reached that high point,
happy but never satisfied.
"I could have defeated them,
I knew I should."

Then, there sparked the fury
that is stronger
than the ones
ignited before.

There we sit beneath the cherry blossom tree,
You were there, talking to me.
The silence, hearing the trees whispering.
We were spending all afternoon laughing.
I just wonder and I wanted to ask,
“Would I belong to you soon?”
“Would I ever have you?”
I wanted you to know and hear.
My heart brings off with no fear.
I wanted the way we used to be changed,
Not like how we are right now.
I wanted something  more if you allow.
Talk to my eyes, do you want it too?
The voices, I heard them in my head.
Talking to myself, forgetting the road ahead.
Every way I take, it leads me back to you.
Your smiles and the way you move are my sunshine.
Being with you makes me feel better than fine.
I forgot how the rain used to cover me.
I was never meant to leave you recklessly.
Until one day, I heard through the grapevines.
I was looking and hoping for a sign.
Fright drove my heartbeat swifter than the time I trusted you.
Why was I not given a cue?
Was I asleep when you told me?
Was I wishing you dreamingly?
Was I looking forward to the future
Of you caring and embracing me back?
You loved someone you believed,
You said she is undeniably stunning...
But, you did not have a chance to know her.
I had the time of loving you, it felt great.
I wondered, “Why did you refuse?”
Still, it was just right to forget right away.
Someday, the colours would slowly fade
Into a beautiful shade of gray.
The wretchedness would be an enduring mark...
To rather let the mark be the end of the world...
Or to look up to the shining sun and restart?
Someday, I would learn to love someone better.
Someday, I would be laughing at myself and say,
“What was the real reason why I loved you?”
Cause all I can think of was your foolishness.
I could have been dumb when I had you.
I used to laugh to our one-liners before.
We were just young naive kids.
(Now, I learned.....)
I was better off giggling with myself.
I was better off being with my friends.
I used to remember that tree,
It was where we used to sit.
Do you remember it too?
I know you had forgotten.
If you ever regret, do not return.
‘Cause you might be hanging your head the next time.
But you had been right, always right.
“Let go of the beautiful memory
When we used to sit beneath the cherry blossom tree.”

The world turned to dust,
I  just knew you were gone.
That heart made of glass
shattered into pieces,
Unhappiness broke in
I watched who I was
Gone, free, & forgotten...
In one blink, I neglected who I was.
I asked myself,
"Who was I before you walked in?"
I was wondering and thinking,
I was wandering the world for answers,
Asking people who used to know me
"Who was I? Who was I? Who was I?"
And I suddenly knew,
I was nothing and you made me feel
That I was everything.
Walking in the dimensions of time,
I watch your little chortle,
And just gave me a smile.
It was true and I knew
how you revealed the divergence...
What's satisfaction?
What is blue?
The way it was before,
It was cruel to leave
A loving heart,
Isn't it?
She gave everything
She wished you knew.
She would wish to see you smile,
And tell you she's fine
Whenever she feels the cold.

What a beautiful smile
That would conceal
All her scars beneath her sleeves
Oh, her eyes full of tears,
Swollen, living the depths of death.

I realized...
It was not your fault,
It was mine.
I believed once,
But never would again.

She wore her hood on,
Left red marks on her wrist,
How beautiful it is
To see the ocean floor beneath,
Picturing the deepening pain
That would pierce through her skin.

Looking up to those stars gleaming brightly,
Those planets plastered across the scene,
I never wondered how they can shine too,
Sublimely recalling the delicate times when
We stared at the same sky we used see.
But, it does not truly matter for now.

I wonder if you have found my name
There in those stunning constellations.
I wanted to tell you how I recognized yours.

I wanted to seek what is beyond those lights...
I breathed barely as my soul descends to the dark.

As I remember where we have been through,
I have never seen how the stars shone as bright
As how it used to shine before, they wrote your name.
They reminded me how better I was with you.

I spoke to you in my dreams last night,
I pondered if I still lived in your mind,
Like the ways my dreams used to be.
Do not let me watch you suddenly fade,
“Always”, such an inviting promiscuous word.

If I could rule over the stars tonight,
I would reach over the sparks, I would write our names,
See them shine over the pitch black darkness tonight.
Sit with me and watch them twinkle over our worlds.
I would stare into your eyes filled of wonder,
Here we are watching the galaxies’ colours collide.
I know, my love, I had nothing left to hide.
I watched your glittering starry eyes,
The most dazzling stars I have seen before me.

Distances believed we were just a dream,
What a beautiful truth it would become tomorrow.
But if I would wish for one thing tonight,
The only thing I would have wished for
Was to have me right beside you.