Nakakapagod ng maghintay,
Ilang linggo na rin ang nakaraan,
Pero lagi kong sinasanay
Ang puso ko sa’yo.
Iniisip na lang ang mga “baka”
Ang  listahan ng bakang...
Na baka may iba ka na
Baka naipagpalit na ako
Baka nagbago ka na
Baka kinalimutan mo na ako,
At higit sa lahat, baka nasanay ka na
nawala ako.
Baka ganito lang talaga ang ating wakas.
Kasi nasanay na ako sa mga ganitong bagay,
Kahit naman tawa at ngiti ang gusto **** iaalay,
Luha ang makikita **** dumadaloy sa aking pisngi,
Na minsa’y natago ko pa sa mga ngiti.
Gusto mo akong maiwan sa tabi mo,
Kung sa puso mo’y ako’y naging isang multo.
Gusto mo akong maiwan sa tabi mo,
Pero palayo lang tayo ng palayo,
Gusto mo akong maiwan sa tabi mo,
Pero nasaan na ikaw? Nasaan na ako?
Nasaan na nga ba ang oras ng “tayo”?
Gusto mo akong maiwan sa tabi mo,
Pero wala kang ginagawa para tumabi pa ako sa’yo.
Nasaan ba ang hustisya ng aking salitang may halaga?
Na sa oras kung magbigay ka sa akin ay wala?
A ‘yan na, sa sikat ng araw ng Abril,
Nagtatapos na ang buwan, nasaan ka ba?
Eto na naman ang ating mga mata,
Hindi na naman tayo magkikita.
Pinagkakaabalahan natin at hinihintay,
O baka ako lang. Ako lang.
Nawawala na ang mga dating salita na,
“Mahal na mahal kita,
At miss na miss na kita.”
Kasi oo, nasanay ka na,
At iniisip mo na,
Nasanay na rin ako.
Kung minsanang sabihin mo ito,
Nagdududa na rin ako kasi nasanay ka na.
Tunay nga ba na mahal mo ako?
Tayo nga ba? O baka pangalan lang ito.
"Us with benefits"? Bagong parirala ba ito?
Tunay nga ba na ako ang iyong hinahanap?
Na minsa’y wala ka sa aking tabi,
Umiiyak na ako, nagwawala na,
Mas pinili mo pang iligtas ang iba.
Sinasabi mo sa akin na,
“Alagaan mo ang sarili mo lagi ah.”
Pero ano nga ba talaga ang sinasabi mo?
Ikaw pa lang ang nagsabi sa akin na
Mabuhay na wala ka. Masakit, hindi ba?
Pero, hindi na ako  magdedepende lagi sa'yo.
Natutunan ko na ang aking pagkakamali.
Nasaan ka ba noong kailangan kita?
Nasaan ang oras nating dalawa?
Hinahanap kita, mahal kong multo.
Patay na nga ba? Saan ang libingan?
O baka hinahanap-hanap kung saan-saan,
Kasi alam ko buhay pa ito. Naniniwala ako.
Minsa’y umiyak sa mga gabi,
Hanggang sa hindi na. Hindi na.
Hindi ko nang ginusto na makita,
Ang mga litrato mo sa akin..
Kasi namimiss lang talaga kita.
‘di ko mabitawan ang aking nadarama,
Kasi malulunod ako sa isipan at luha,
Kahit ano pa mangyari, hindi kita bibitawan.
Hindi bibitawan ng basta-basta.
Heto na naman, minumulto ako.
Nasaan ka? Naririnig ko ang aking puso.
Kung wala ka lagi sa aking tabi.
Multo lamang ang kasama ko,
Ang multo mo sa aking puso.

Ano ba? Nakakatawa!
Ano ba? Nakakainis na!
Ano nga ba tayong dalawa?
Nalilito na ako sa kung ano nga ba
Ano nga bang ang kaibigan?
Hay nako, aakbay-akbay na...
Ano ba ang iyong mga ginagawa?
Ano nga ba ang aking ginagawa?
Ano nga ba ang mga kalokohan nating dalawa?
Mas maganda na hindi na lang tayo nag-usap.
Mas ginusto kong nakikita na lang kita palagi,
Gusto kong masaya ako na walang masama sa huli
Mas ginusto kong makita ka na lang sa maskara mo,
Sa maskarang **** bawal tanggalin.
Kaibigan mo nga ba talaga ako...?
O laro at loko-lokohan lamang?
Oo, itinuring kitang kaibigan dati,
Oo, kaibigan nga ang ngalan ko sa’yo.
Hindi ko napapansin ang puso kong
Nahuhulog na lang bigla sa ating mga ginagawa.
May mga kaibigan kang babae?
Akala ko ba ako lang. Hahaha.
O ano? Nagseselos ka na?
Gusto kong kasama ka,
Mag-isa lang tayong dalawa.
Tahimik pero maraming kalokohan.
Ano ba tayo? Laging yun ang tanong.
Isang tagahanga lang ba ako sa aking idolo?
Isa ba akong kaibigan na kinaiinisan mo.
Minsan mas magandang mag-isa sa malayo.
Yung hindi ka nakikita pero naaalala...
Oo, malungkot. Wala namang taong naging permanente.
Pero ang mga bakas nila sa aking puso,
Nakabakat parin, dinadaluyan ng aking mga luha.

Baka bukas, hindi na ito maging normal.
Kasi baka sa susunod na mga araw,
Iba na ang depinisyon ng masaya.
Masaya akong nakasama rin kita, aking mahal na kaibigan.
Napapaibig ako pero ang mata ko’y nakamulat pa.
Kasi alam kong hindi ngayon.
Anim na taon na ika’y mas nakatatanda.
Pero kalokohan nating dalawa ay pambata.
Minsa’y hindi mo na maiintindihan pa.
Oo, sumosobra na rin ako, noon pa.
Ano ba ako sa’yo? Kasi kaibigan ka sakin.
Ano ba ako sa’yo? Iyong tagahanga lamang ba?
Oo, mas ginusto ko pang hindi lang kaibigan,
Pero mas ginusto mo ata akong kausap mo lang.
Gulong-gulo na ang isipan ko.
Sino nga ba ako sa'yo?
Nakakainis na lang minsang hindi ko mapigilan,
Ikaw. Ikaw. Ikaw. Puro ikaw.
Mga litrato mo, nasa phone ko. Puro ikaw.
Pero nakakapagod na magmahal...
Ng mga taong hindi mapapasa'yo.

Ano ba! Ano ba!? Ano ba!?

Where is happiness?
Where were they found?
Were they found from the times
you made me smile?
Were they found from the times
you gave me your warmest embrace?
Where? Where? Where?
It is because today becomes yesterdays.
And tomorrow becomes todays.
I’m living in this cell,
There I counted the days...
And I had written it at the walls.
There I drew your face out of stones.
Remembering the last time I saw you.
Cause it was so long back then...
And I was waiting, but you never came.
Will you hear me right now?
I forgot that you never felt me
Like you used to do before.
Never even heard me
Like I used to believe
That you’re one call away.
These cold walls I kept touching,
Sensing for the warmth of hope.
But, it’s all gone. All gone.
These bars got colder,
Frost covered the walls.
I was wondering,
Why would I get locked up
It burdens me and it kills me.
Somewhere I had to feel so much?
Why would I live in this bitter prison cell?
Another place where I had never been so well,
Maybe this is the sentiment when you’re gone.
Locked up in your heart, yet had been forgotten.
Do you still have my photographs?
Do you still keep them in your pocket?
Do they still remind you of how we used to be?
Do you still have the letters I sent you before?
Do you still read them back and back again?
Do they remind you of me?
It told you how much I miss you...
Also how much I love you.
But, I don’t have to await
If you show me how I should walk away.
Were our promises kept?
Promises were just strong words
That motivated us up there,
However, had dragged us down.
Where were your letters? In my hands.
Where were your pictures? In my phone.
Where were you? Lost but found in my heart.
Where was I? Lost and never found,
But living in a dark and bitter prison cell.
Is it still us? Or became you and me?
No matter how cold, I’ll stay.
But, save me. Look for me. I need you.
Seek for me. Seek for me. Seek for me.
Darling, my love, find me in your memory.

There I sat alone with my friends.
Sitting quietly and thinking so much things...
That sometimes, I cannot even explain.
It was painful to hear the whispers,
They keep on reminding me your promises.
They keep on reminding me your words...
And they played like a movie before my eyes.
I am this princess that you should be saving.
I cannot even breathe without the air.
My heart only needs your love and care.
Wasn’t it that simple? Wasn’t it?
Why do you always have to lie about yourself?
Telling me how fine you’ve been,
But it was a lie. You were hurting.
The wounds you have always made you silent.
How tired you were made you silent.
Do you still have something left for me?
All I want is your words, they made me better.
But, you always let the chances go.
I lost them too cause we never hold tighter.
Why do you always have to lie about us?
You always tell we're fine.
Would I tell you the same?
Honestly, no. ‘Cause you’ll have to keep worrying.
It kills me all the time when you had to pretend.
Right now, you'll apologize
And keep on repeating your faults.
It all repeats again and again.
Sorry here and sorry there. It’s everywhere.
Faults, that's why we kept on falling apart.
Faults like the weakest lands that grew on change.
Faults, the lines that would break us apart...
Tells me that nothing would ever be the same.
When will you come back?
Because I’ve been dying...
Dying to hear your voice,
Dying to be held,
Dying to be in your arms,
Dying to tell you so much things you never heard.
Dying to hear from you...
Dying to be right beside you,
Dying to give all my time to you...
But you’d never come.
Every second comes to waste.
I wait for you, but when?
You tell me love me,
But you never show.
We were like lands,
The harder I try to love you,
The closer I try to get to you,
The more you live in my head,
We keep on moving apart...
It weakens us every time.
Was it my mistake? I’m sorry.
Maybe it’s the reason why...
The Queen of Hearts was unhappy.
Maybe it’s the reason why...
She hated love because it hurts.

Finally, they looked at me...
Noticing my face that screams
Because of pain,
Yet neither of them heard
Nor you did.
They asked me how I felt,
I smiled and gave my answer,
“I’m fine. Perfectly fine.”

The warmth of summer ended in a second,
School in June had already begun.
I saw a girl sitting shyly at the back row,
Wishing I could say, “hello” with a smile.
Hello was not just the thing in my head,
But, “Hello, can we be best friends?” How dumb.
Knowing I cannot force one to be just mine.
Small conversations started in a blink,
I just have the picture of us being best friends
Without paralyzed and blind, we already are,
On spur of moment, I realized we really are.
Oh, hello, childhood best friend,
Remember back when we were young?

Days were coming by, the closer we get to be,
Glitter was my addiction. Taylor Swift our fave!
Drawing and sketching as hobbies? Really? Same!
Boys, sometimes became our favorite topic.
Disney Princesses, my favorite characters.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I like to be so many things, I can hardly tell.
What is your favorite this and that? This and that!
Our games and dream makeovers matter so much.
Oh, childhood, we are growing too fast.
When will you ever last? There came the time,
Now, you are already fifteen. Accept it or not.
While writing, I was singing this Taylor Swift song.

“Society’s words matter the most,”
that is what we believe in.
There were the groping and loud crowds,
Talking about the complications of human race,
The people seemed to be nobody to me,
They were all chasing fame and popularity,
Look at those girls in powder and gloss,
Were not they the ones we wished to be?
But, things change for good girls too.
There we laugh and talk about them.
I can tell they are sassy and mean…
How funny it was for you to feel the same for me.
It was like you held my heart all the time,
How can you read me like your novels?
You read them because you love how stories go.

I remembered the times when we wrote poetry together,
It was not that hard, it was fun and exciting…
I hope we can make those things again.
Going back to that place, full of dramas.
It was silly, but other things matter from now on.
Boys do, sometimes, but not really.
Friends first, right? Forever and always.

There came the month of silence and war,
The noise I was not hearing with my ears,
Battles were like diamonds against diamonds.
Exists in my head, loud and they made me deaf…
They keep reminding me of what we had before.
I knew I cared less, I was blind, shame on me.
What was I thinking really? How dumb.
Matters changed for the both of us,
We finally cared for who we had become.
Love pulled us back together and sewed our broken hearts
Those letters, sweet and sincere peace offerings…
Sewing back the torn fragile pieces together,
Writing about when we were young.

What are dreams? Who do we want to be?
Here I am right now, writing another poem,
Wondering if they would be the ones you like.
You are this girl, who would draw so much,
Sketch everyone else close to her heart.
Your drawings were you r mind’s imaginations,
There you brought them to life.
The way you see world how they can be.,
How beautiful just the way you are.

I remembered everything back then when we were eight,
You used to shyly sit on your seat and sketch,
Now I hear your voice in my ears,
Your stories changed, not the way they used to be.
Sometimes, even your silence talked to me.
They told me how your day was going on.
My eyes would tell so many things,
I wonder if you saw them talk to you.
“Hey, I am here for you. Do not worry.
I care too, sometimes I do not show much.
But if you would let me, I would,
My whole best.”
You thought of being a little part of this earth,
But you had never seen who you are in my world.
But look deeper and you would remember,
Who we were when we were young.

IF I FALL
Will you be there to catch me
Will you lift me up and brush me off
Will you help me see the good in my life
Will you keep me safe from myself

TODAY
Can you be my guide and show me the way
Can you help me find a reason to go on
Can you always be there to be my friend
Can you be the shoulder that I can cry on

CAN I RELY ON YOU
To be strong when I am weak
To listen when I need to vent
To tell me the truths I need to hear
To be the one that I can unmask for

MY FRIEND
I am thankful to have you as my friend
I am hoping that I have been a friend to you
I am grateful that you came into my life
I am sure life wouldn’t be the same without you.

Words were like flowers,
In time they shall wither.
Here, I shall speak my soul.
For some of my thoughts are untold.
I am frightened. Shall I lift up my fear?
For my pains and secrets will unfold.
Soon the wounds of our pain will cease,
Not every word that comes forth my mouth would please.
In our broken pieces, we learn.
Lessons of love shall our hearts earn.
But, believe me, nothing lasts forever.
But remember that I would take my time loving you.
Love was like a flower,
Soon will its blossoms wither.