I thought i was the villain you told everyone i was.
It turns out you were the villian all this time.
After you there was always doubt.
I wouldn't take a leap of faith unless i knew it was safe.

From the start you made me believe in magic.
You made me believe i was worth all the love.
You made me believe i was worth the risk.
But funny how you're the same reason why i no longer believe.

You're the reason i don't believe anymore.

Your mind-  it's too young.
Knows not the truth of the world.
I suppose its the reason why I adore you.

Your innocence, your purity,
Your heart, your soul, all intact.
All the things I've lost and watched shatter before my eyes.

You admire my physicality
Not my soul
For you do not appreciate the existence of one that is pure, and undamaged.

The kind that you have.

One day you will.
And you will understand,
Why we couldn't be together.

And if that day arrives
I will be here
Still adoring your everything just the same.

Soft brown hair and that smile
That I haven't seen in a while
The way you think and your disposition
I once thought was a poison
But like most illusions I've seen,
It was just love after all.

You slid your hands in your pockets
Eyes shifting within their sockets
This is the you I cried so many times over
And after all these years, I've only just begun getting sober.

The loss of what could and what might have been,
Is a wound that time can never heal
You've made my life slightly dim
And made pain an emotion I frequently feel

But a day like today,
Is a day I never thought would arrive
You walk towards me in your worst of states,
And my love for you was somehow revived.

I begin to repel the emotion I cursed that I never again would let near
But little did I know , it has always been here.

And as you walk away looking back at me with the softest of eyes
I loved you again, to my surprise.
It was then , I realized—
This is a love that never dies

Like a throbbing sensation in the center of my torso
My heart and my stomach feel as though they've met halfway in there
My jaw pops open in the slowest motion
So slow I never notice.
I squirm and squirm
Fidget and fidget
And constantly find myself in very awkward places and positions
Oh, the things I feel around your presence
A never ending mystery that feels like torture
Hope drizzling all over everything and every dream I've dreamt of
It's heartbreaking, you know,
Liking you a lot?
Its devastating.

I've been taught about pride.
in this security, we tend to push aside what is significant.
but this said trait, as some say, could make you a name.
it could earn you respect and make you feel triumphant

I've always been reminded of these simple words
words that have oddly functioned well for me:
"dont go when they push you away,
leave when they insist that you stay."

but be warned;
for it could break you so much as it can protect you.

i feel myself slipping through the wind
unleashing my soul within
eyes leak in memory of you
and forgive myself for being the fool

i have no urge to scream
this pain cannot be mended by any means
who knew emptiness turns out to fill us with the worst of pain
pain that cannot be verbalized in any sentence or phrase

the closest it's had to having an explanation was in the tears we've shed
there's nothing about it that could be said
no one ever understands until they feel it
until they found the love that once made them feel sick

i stand here now, arms raised to my sides
no love, no pain, and no anger to hide
and now i know, finally, for just a few moments atleast,
how it feels to let my soul be free.

you planted a smile on my face,
consistently took care of it for the first few weeks
you watched it bloom, you watched it grow
until one day i guess it took too much space.
at times it withered and it displeased you.
it was difficult to manage; to keep it intact.
espescially in days the weather was bipolar.
and once you realized it was too hard to keep,
you decided it was about time to have it reaped.
but one thing you never knew about smiles--
is that they can go on for so many miles.
no matter what weather, they could bare.
the only reason they have to pass,
is lack of care, lack of love, lack of attention
the things you have put a halt to provide once you dedcided,
that you no longer cared.