You run.
As fast as your feet can.
As long as your lungs can take.
Just to get where?
You don't know
Oh, but you do, don't you?
You know very well where you want to go.

You want to go to the darkest and the loneliest of spaces.
A space only your mind could create for itself when its had too much to take.
You go there.
A lot.
And I think the closest you've been out of there was halfway through.
Once you discovered this place, you never really left it.
You stayed there.
No one knows who you really are.
Because you chose to stay within the doors that you think protects you from pain and rejection.
But you never knew how much it has eaten you away.
Because you're too afraid to accept that to love at all, means to be susceptible.
So I'm not gonna tell you to stop running.
Stop hiding.
I want to know you.

Im still gonna love you
Even when you wont
Even when you say goodbye
Even when you have some else to call your own.
Im still gonna love your eyes
Even when they look at me different
Even the way they look away from me
Even when theyre looking at someone else
Im still gonna love your cheeks
Even when somebody else pinches them
Even when you turn them at me
Even when someone gets to hold them the way i could
Im still gonna love your nose
Even when they tickle someone elses
Even when they dig into someone elses shoulder
Even when theyve fallen for someone elses scent
Im still gonna love your lips
Even when someone else gets to feel your kiss
Even when someone else can kiss em better
Even when they speak of me negatively.
Im still gonna love you
Even when you forget about me
Even when its over
Even when you say you dont love me anymore

I tried.
Trust me, darling, I really did.
You were the 'whole package', as some people would say.
But the only thing missing was the most important one.
I didn't really love you.
You were perfect.
But all your perfection could never fit perfectly with my rough edges.
But darling, even if we matched, and every part of our personality meshed well with each other,
I always won the 'I love you more' game because you let me win
But we both know the painful truth
I don't love you.
Not the way you love me.
And I never will—
I'm sorry.

It was already dark out. People bustling, rushing past crowds to get to their destination, while I stood across the street, looking at the person I thought was mine. Mine. My destination.
Hiding behind the crowd of people waiting for their buses out of the commercial side of town, I looked past the bushes and the rows of trees and saw you. There you were behind that desk, as usual. And I just stood there like some fool watching you, as you slung your backpack upon your shoulders, ready to get home. And even at such a distance, I saw your smile. That smile I died for for more than just a thousand times. That smile that I'll never again get to be the reason behind. That smile that had always had my heart fall into the pit of my stomach. That smile I remember I could shut when I lean in for a kiss.
That smile I know for the rest of my life I am going to miss.
Then I recall, I remember vividly, every inch of your face, even in the small amount of time we got to spend with each other. Every time I lean in and see your naturally curled lashes, how the littlest of moles were splattered across your face...
Then—
I snap back into reality, and still see people rushing to get to their destination. As I realize, well, you're not mine, you're not my destiny. I'm better off elsewhere, beyond the reaches of your arms that somehow grew to feel like home. I just know, no matter how many times I try to twist and turn fate, no matter how many times I try to cast a spell to reverse this nightmare that I fell into, no matter how many times I choose to waste a wish on you whenever I get the chance, you won't ever come back to me.
Just how I wouldn't ever, even if given the chance, come back to you.