if I could, I'd play songs
so beautiful
they'd bring a smile to your face

I'd write words so strong,
so wonderful
they'd bring you to tears

I'd sing you a song
so perfectly true
that you'd fall in love with me

I've heard it's like time stopping.

the world becomes a blur
and everything seems so
insignificant

I want it to be more.

Have you ever walked outside,
to find yourself walking around
inside a life-size snow globe?
Not a blizzard, mind you,
but a snow globe.

the biggest, most beautiful flakes
drift down slowly, and,
as if they're savoring the ride,
rest on your coat,
your scarf, your eyelashes,
they adorn your hair

You stand there and take it all in,
and when the air is quiet,
life is a movie for just a few seconds.

everything is in slow motion,
and you hate the fact
that you have to go inside,
to the noise,
to real life

That's what I want
when I kiss you
-- a breathtaking moment
that's better than the movies.

I started daydreaming again
I blame it on the weather
The sky is too grey 
The air is too warm
And the rain seeps into the earth,
Making everything dreamy and dark
I though of how wonderful it would be
To sit in the very back seat of your car,
Just you and I,
A lantern on the floor between us
The seats reclined so we can rest our feet in front of us
We'd spend the night sharing stories
And contemplating heaven and earth
While the light runs out,
And I slowly fall asleep in your arms

"There was something about that boy,"
she said, and I could feel her words
creep into my brain and pull at my heart,
they hit close to home, "he could make
anyone feel special, you know?
It was like his smile had the power
to make or break a person,
and he built me back up,
he put the pieces together
and made me whole again
with just that smile.
I swear it."

Her eyes were far away then,
and I imagined this one boy
taking her hand and making everything okay.
"All I've ever gotten from love is trouble,"
I say, thinking about my latest failed
attempts at living a fairytale with
a boy that had puppy dog eyes
and a wolf's bite, a pearl-white smile
that turned to snake fangs at night.

But this boy she talked about,
--with so much love in her voice,
so much joy behind her eyes,
so many memories in her brain
that I can almost see them,
I am almost a part of them--
everything about him must
have been beautiful


and that's exactly what I want.

Now that I have your voice
on a loop in my memory,
I'm afraid to fall back into
that silence that plagued me
for so long.

It would be too easy to let
it all fall apart, to let the
silence seep back into my life,
to go back to the past
and let it be.

The only problem is the pain.
Upon hearing your voice,
my heart got a little lighter
and I started to smile with no
effort at all.

To be in silence with you,
knowing the magic effect
your voice can have on me
would be almost too much
for me to bear.

There are hills,
There are trees,
Everywhere
It's a never-ending forest
And it's beautiful.
Colorful row houses
Spring up among them
Stacked on the slopes,
Like a hillside in Italy
Defying gravity

That little pizza shop
is still there
The crust is thick and soft
with the perfect crunch
-- just on the bottom.
The Italian restaurant
Still serves perfect wedding soup
And fantastic spaghetti
And hasn't changed a bit.

The buildings in the city
so tall, so beautiful,
so much bigger
than anything I'm
used to
keep me feeling small,
keep me looking up at the heavens

I can see all the bridges
All the stadiums
All the rivers
From the top of a hill

I look around and think
"I'm finally home."

you made me laugh,
you told me stories,
you held the door open,
you made me happy,
and I fell in love

you are smoke
that is stuck in my lungs
you make every breath shallow and weak
and when I breathe out
it's a sigh of relief that
I am still alive
you are poison
sitting in my stomach
making it churn about
making it flip around
and the worst part is how you
snuck right in without a warning
you are plaque
stuck in my arteries
weighing down my heart
pushing it to beat faster
pumping it harder to
push you out

you make me hot and cold
feverish and I can't catch a break
you make me manic
happy and sad, up & down
you make me ache
I'm hurting all over for you

I could fall over
you wouldn't even notice

his voice is heavy and smooth
like the comforter on my bed
and I bury myself in it

I may not love
All of your favorite movies,
But I think you're incredibly dorky
And I would still love to be yours

When you talk to other girls,
I am terribly afraid you'll fall in love with them
instead of me.
I want to laugh at all of your jokes,
just so you'll realize that I appreciate you.
I am desperately trying to get you to talk to me.
I can say all I want but
one-sided conversations won't last long.
I've wished a dozen times that
you would take me to the movies.
I'm hoping you will somehow decide that
you need me in your life.
I am enamored with you,
but I'm too afraid to say it.

Looking back
At your black and white photograph
You were sweet
Like candy
Young and innocent
Funny, with hope left,
A half smile cracked on your face,
Always teasing,
Trying to fit in

It wrenches my heart
To see you that way
Because I miss him,
The boy you were then

It's painful to think what I'd
See in your face today,
Goonish smile,
Like a grotesque clown,
Eyes half-opened,
Mind half-awake,
Not quite enough anymore

Looking now
At your far-away eyes
I would see only half
Of the boy that used to be

I want to sing a million love songs to you.

He's always just behind me,
barely out of sight,
His eyes are sharp, two piercing slits
glowing a sickly shade of yellow-green
His nails are long and *****,
with ragged edges and pointed tips
He slinks around, snake-like
and silent, certainly not human

Sometimes he sneaks up behind me,
looking to stick around,
to make a bed of my brain,
to make a snack of my heart,
and I never catch him until he's
right behind me,
His rancid breath curling around
my neck from behind,
His claws lightly tracing
the ***** of my shoulder

But as soon as I know he's there,
as soon as I smell his breath and feel his touch,
I turn around, willing him away,
And he disappears...


...Until he rears his ugly head again,
that old monster, Jealousy

I know we've just met,
so don't take this too seriously,
but there's something I must confess:
Sometimes when I see you,
my heart does a flip,
and my muscles squeeze tight,
giving my stomach a hard hug
and taking my breath for a moment
Other times, I try my hardest to pry
my eyes away from you
they, of course, fight back,
they want to soak up the very sight of you,
so we compromise on sneaking glances,
when I think you're not looking
Still other times, I see you laughing,
flashing your smile at a friend's joke,
and I glimpse those bright white teeth
That perfect smile makes me want to smile, too,
just so we can have that one thing in common,
you and I smiling at the world
And that is why, whenever I'm around you,
I'm always sitting quietly
(because I'm trying to catch my breath),
I'm always looking away
(because I'm afraid you'll catch me staring),
and I'm always smiling like a fool
(because I think I might be falling in love with you)

when I'm out in the real world,
and I miss small town comforts,
your arms will be my home

the Air is more than thick,
It is hot, touchable, an
entity on its own
It clings to my bare shoulders,
sticky and uncomfortable,
heavy like a wet towel
the Air is humid, and when
I breathe it, I feel as though
I am underwater,
struggling to find oxygen

When I finally climb the stairs
and open the red door,
I find myself relieved at the
feeling of chilly air
on my sticky skin
It whisks away the heat
and I shut the door behind me,
knowing that summertime is here

We always dance,
you and I.
moving in circles,
eyes locking
until we put our
heads back down.

It's a complicated dance we do,
you and I.

One step
forward,
three back,
two forward,
one back,
back and forth,
to and fro,
up and down
the street.

One hello,
one rejection,
one joke,
misplaced affection.

We move too quickly
to realize where we're standing
It's all just a silly dance we do.

as someone who is sometimes
plagued by silence,
sometimes to scared to speak up,
too shy to say hello,
too quiet to be confident,
someone who is,
and always will be a
little different from the norm,
for unchangeable reasons,
I guess I don't understand
why you would want to
hide your face,
be silent,
and let your plethora
of opportunities go to waste

take it from someone who has less choice
and show your face

Sometimes it's a murmur,
an angry whisper,
under your breath,
when the impatience
mixes with silence and
makes the air too thick
to really talk
****

And sometimes it's out loud,
when the anger has turned to flames,
no longer pressing in on your head
but being rejected from your body
in an attempt to cool it
before you
explode,
scream,
punch,
I don't give a ****.

And it's gone,
and it's better,
and somehow,
it's much better
than simply
breathing and
i m a g i n i n g
your problems away

the sky is entirely white,
or rather, it has been entirely
replaced by clouds

in contrast,
the grass is a lush green,
luxurious and bright

the cement is damp from
last night's storm,
and mud puddles are plentiful

the atmosphere is complex,
too bright to be winter,
not sunny enough for summer,
a bit too chilly for spring,
but it's much too early for fall

on these rare days,
I curl up on the sofa
and imagine you

the chair's arms are yours,
it's back, your chest,
and I bury my face in it
drinking in the wonderful
comfort that I feel when
I'm with you

I take bitter pills to forget you,
I swallow them with honey
to mask the taste, and
they catch in my throat
like unspoken words

Still,
I think about you now,
imagine your dead eyes,
the telltale sign of your
jumbled mind

you gave up
you stopped living in reality
you are gone

all you were good for
was a handful of poems,
written in aggravation
and a handful of flowers,
long since dried up

I think more than you,
specifically,
more than your kindness,
more than the joking,
more than the attention,

I miss the idea of being in love,
of being excited when I looked at the phone,
of being right on the edge of falling into something new,
of being so close to true love that I felt it as a fluttering in my
stomach brought on by the thought of you

I miss having someone to imagine about,
someone real that I can image falling for,
someone who's more than a crush, but not a sure thing,
someone whose arms I want to wrap myself in,
someone whose smile I want to see,
someone who coaxes my own smile out every day,
someone who makes the dreary days worth dealing with,
someone who makes the dreary days less dreary,
someone who makes me a little anxious and confused

I miss thinking that this is it, this is going to be love,
he likes me and I like him and we both know it,
he wants to talk to me, to joke with me,
he must really care,
he will be someone I can share things with,
he will be someone I can spend time with,
he is the one I've been waiting for
he will be my first true love

And so when I think about you,
your ego will have to take a hit,
and I will have to remind myself
that I'm not really thinking about you,
I'm thinking about the last person I
thought I could fall in love with,
and I'm just waiting for someone
to take your place

I think more than you,
specifically,
more than your kindness,
more than the joking,
more than the attention,

I miss the idea of being in love,
of being excited when I looked at the phone,
of being right on the edge of falling into something new,
of being so close to true love that I felt it as a fluttering in my
stomach brought on by the thought of you

I miss having someone to imagine about,
someone real that I can image falling for,
someone who's more than a crush, but not a sure thing,
someone whose arms I want to wrap myself in,
someone whose smile I want to see,
someone who coaxes my own smile out every day,
someone who makes the dreary days worth dealing with,
someone who makes the dreary days less dreary,
someone who makes me a little anxious and confused

I miss thinking that this is it, this is going to be love,
he likes me and I like him and we both know it,
he wants to talk to me, to joke with me,
he must really care,
he will be someone I can share things with,
he will be someone I can spend time with,
he is the one I've been waiting for
he will be my first true love

And so when I think about you,
your ego will have to take a hit,
and I will have to remind myself
that I'm not really thinking about you,
I'm thinking about the last person I
thought I could fall in love with,
and I'm just waiting for someone
to take your place

There's something sad about the spring

The birds sing each other love songs
the girls wear their prettiest skirts and
hold hands with the boys who make them
feel beautiful

The weather warms up and the sun meets
the faces of the children who have stayed inside
all winter, kissing their noses and bringing back
the freckled faces that disappeared after September

Everyone and everything seems just a little happier,
a little sunnier, a little more full of the life that left
when everything went cold

All the while, I sit here and remember when,
nearly a year ago, I missed you with every ounce
of me and leaped at the chance to make something
work between us, the chance you never took

There's something sad about this spring

My teeth dig
Into my bottom lip,
And the sound hisses,
Finding the space between
My teeth
ffffffffffff
My mouth opens,
My jaw lowers,
The space between my lips
Is a lemon-shape,
My mouth open in surprise,
uhhh
And my tongue jumps
To meet my teeth,
To make that harsh sound,
Not exactly a scoff,
But somewhere close
kkkkkkkk
And the word falls from my mouth,
And it burns the ears of some,
But to others,
It tastes like candy

Call me cruel,
Call me rude,
Call me hateful,
But some days,
I hear you in the hallway,
Read your words on the computer,
Am immersed in your obnoxious conversation,
And it takes
Every.
Single.
Ounce.
Of. My. Being.
To not turn around,
Type back,
Yell over your voice,
And tell you how extremely,
Completely,
Utterly,
Stupid
You sound.

I step out of my car
and walk to the door
ready to be welcomed
by the familiarity of
your home,
your warmth,
your calm,
--the things that make
me smile --
your happiness.
But I am welcomed
by a locked door,
and I can't seem
to remember which
is the spare key
(the one you
lent me months ago)
in the starless night.
I try each one,
willing you to open up --

"Is everything alright?"
Nothing.
"You know you can tell me
anything, right?"
Nothing.
"Why are you upset?"
Nothing.
"Is there anything I can do?"
Nothing.

-- to no success.
I'm locked out,
and I sit here in the dark,
wishing I had a light.

If you told me that I'm beautiful,
I sure wouldn't hate you for it.
If you held my hand,
I wouldn't pull away.
If you asked me for a date,
It'd mean more to me than just passing time.
"I love you"
would be more than just something to say.

It's silly to imagine,
It's silly to pretend,
and I know
You may not know it,
You may not see it,

But, if you took the chance,
I think I could fall in love
with you.

It will only take a moment
ten minutes,
a second,
does it really matter?
It's taking,
grabbing our time,
in the dark alley
at night
prodding us with a gun
buried in our backs
forcing us to let go
and leaving us alone
under the starry sky,
the one that mocks us
with its seeming endlessness
while we stand,
bewildered,
wondering where
the time has gone

So here I am again

begging for your call
I promised myself
I wouldn't do it, but
this talk, it makes me
think

so here I am again

I'm a little lost and
confused, searching
in the sea of "what if"s
for the truth

so here I am again

wishing I could go
back to the start
I keep thinking it's
all my fault

so here I am again

I tried so hard to
put away all the
faded, hopeless
memories but they
floated back to the
surface

so here I am again.