it sounds like planes taking flight,
like foreboding,
like a hoard of wasps,
and then it breaks into melody;
it went from storming winds
to a spa reception
meditation:
inhale, exhale

dull these sharp edges,
take me out of my head;
i can see you
laid out on white cotton sheets,
your dark hair fanned
against the pillows on my bed.
no, i don't want to
do anything,
other than lie with you,
feel your warmth and...

i look at you and
tears brim these tired eyes.
insomnia's an artist
painting shadows on my lids,
but you reach out
and brush your fingertips against my cheek;
suddenly i'm alive,
your watercolours vibrant on my skin;
i'm overflowing with emotion
but you make it feel okay
to drown,
to let it in.

you'll never have any idea
of how much i think about you
i think, maybe, i would feel guilty
if i knew how to
but i don't do remorse,
just as you don't do...
well. this.
any of this.
try not to, anyway

things don't always
work out
the way we plan;
but it's okay,
we can make more plans
together, somehow
because you promised me you'd live
and i swore i'd do the same.

and so what have i to offer you beyond
a collection of cheap and naive sentiments
matted in the dust of ineloquence?
i miss you, is all, but not even you:
an image of you, but not even an image:

the ghost of a fantasy. yes, i am
haunted, haunted by your absence
your senseless existence your
orbit without mass or distance
and all the rest, in its restless fabrication.

all that remains are your artefacts
with i among them, not quite intact.

Addicted to this strain of pen
The pain and rain embraces melt
Away in her oblivion
Still numb to opioids she felt
My love at last is laid to rest
In unrequited sleepless nights
And answers of indifference
To questions of my greatest heights
Free-falling fears I left behind
To see depression's comatose
Was riddled with my lucid mind
Still hers was what I craved the most
A stronger drug I've yet to find

Been living beside the river
All alone and still
With no one to talk to
No one to share with

Your body is cover of ***** mud
You disgusted yourself because of how ugly you were

Then someone picks you up
And put you to the group of clean stones
The look on their faces was unexplainable
Yet you know for sure;
They don't like you
They don't want you
And they feel disgusted the way they looked at you

Tears fall from your dolorous eyes
The rain suddenly poured and joined into your sadness
The raindrops clears the ***** mud on your body
And suddenly you shined brightly

You are not a ***** stone you think you were
You are not ugly people think you were
You are not disgusting
You are not what others think you are

You are precious
You're like a star that shines brightly;
and twinkles beautifully
You are everyone adores and treasures
You are a diamond


A diamond, my love

Perhaps,
If i am not scared to admit it,
If i am not a coward as i am now,
If i am not as stupid as i was then,
Maybe,
Just maybe,
We could be each other's world

she's a beautiful one;
he's enthralling.
i'm playing loves me, loves me not
with hand grenades,
metal pins between my teeth

biting the bullet almost literally.

this too-big heart of mine
is gonna get me killed
someday.

this confused little soul of mine
is gonna break hearts
again.

i hope that when these bombs go off
there'll be nothing left of me
but entrails to be swept away;
clean me up
like the nuisance dirt i've always been,
finally rid the earth
of the stain my existence left
on its bright white shirt

and do not cry for me
please
just realise
how much better off you are
without me.