"Is today a good day to die?"

that's it.
seven words.
seven words that brought
every lie i have been telling myself
crashing into the ground.

ten minutes
of stuttering and forgotten lines
ten minutes to sum up the last 2 ******* years of my life

ten minutes to remind me
that i can't ever save you
that you'll never be mine
that i'll never be the same
because of seven stupid ******* words
and all the ones i can't say.

every inch of me
is breaking
and i am so very far
from being okay

i don't talk to people
don't "hang out"
or bring them home.
i don't make connections
because they always break
and i'm too ******* broken already

i'm not lonely.
i have friends that care about me,
people looking out for me,

i just keep them at a distance.

i'm just fine
being alone
and not lonely

a garden grows
somewhere near my skull
watered and wealthy
i am peaceful
in the ground

a phone rings somewhere
and a stranger
deaf, turns aside
remembering old times
when we were close

always
the pain will come

some years from now
a kind man's smile
with a gentle touch
a flash of that fire

and the pain
will always come

suffering together
is an easy thing to do
when you've never been alone

when you have,
you learn to keep your own secrets
say the right things
and cover your bruises
stop being such a little *****

because in the end
nobody is going to help you.

you are meant to be

a l o n e .