i want to slam my face onto the tile until i black out
i just want to sleep
im so sick of this
im not doing it anymore
im making the decisions, right?
well my decision is:
~chill~
im not pretending
im not trying
just rolling with it
cali style

just go with the flow
i want(need) something real right now.
no more words
no more stupid fake ****
just
chill


okay?

is it possible
to be the only single person
on earth?

i feel like everybody's got somebody
maybe not a girlfriend or boyfriend
but at least a best friend
a favorite cousin
a loving parent

i don't have anything like that
i don't have any one person
that i'm close with
i have friends
but none of them really know me

she gave me a cross
a little wooden one
on a ball chain

naturally,
i sharpened it
and turned it into a weapon.

you aren't better than me
you're just as ****** up
and if i hear you make
one more ******* comment
about the way i live my life
you will be coughing up teeth
for a month.

twisting and turning
hurting and burning
because the world is against you
always
because tall boys can hurt you
good friends can turn you
everything will leave you
with nothing at all

yes, your boyfriend will dump you
your teachers will flunk you
your mother will hate you forever
your coworkers are lazy
the doc thinks you're crazy
religion will call you a freak

i guess if everything is always awful
no matter what you do

go ahead and hate me: im having fun
and you could be having fun too

pointy needle
in soft skin
hold my hand
like a friend
take my blood
make a change
empty out
ignore the pain
this is cool
im okay
a little dizzy
but im glad i came

i like
homemade chocolate chip cookies
and my moms spaghetti
i like dead rappers (and some alive ones)
and rock music from the 2000's
i like boys with curly hair
and dancing with no music at all
i like the 90's
i like rollerblading and neon colors
i like safety pins and key chains
i like over-accessorizing
i like little plastic animals
i love my friends
i love my family
(no matter how wrong it is)
i like ap english class
and free t-shirts
i like running
and climbing trees
i like my bangs
and having my makeup done
i like my art
im proud of it
i like paint on my jeans
and not being bullied
i like compliments from pretty girls
i like pretending i'm the queen
i like thinking about you
i like my life
i love you
and i love me