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nevaeh Sep 2020
wow
i need to stop wondering
i need to stop caring
i'm playing myself
setting myself up to get hurt
this isn't worth it
it's not
but god
not seeing him
it hurts almost as much.
im a fool
nevaeh Sep 2020
boredom is heavy
and makes you think
so we spin the bottle
and sip our drinks
we watch it whirl
then kiss our friends
make nothing of it
but boredom's end
at a basement party because school is for losers
nevaeh Sep 2020
bare feet on the asphalt
empty cans clatter
spray paint cans rattle
running
          running              
                     running                            
from everything we've done
from our responsibilities
from the inevitable
from ourselves, mostly.
~
but never mind all that
tonight there is just
us heathens and the moon
and aerosol colors in a can
tonight we have a bone to pick
with the universe
for making us dysfunctional
for building us broken
~
tonight we will love
no matter the cost
so what if we're hung
is it really a loss?
~
"we" is just me
and the echoes in my brain
the reverberations of myself
in a space once full of color
left black and white
~
i will color it
color it all
shapes and colors
no words
no images
just abstract emotions
just me and memories of you
~
just me
and a stranger
where you used to be
you know, that empty space inside of me that nothing else can fill.
the place filled by a stranger
because not thinking about things is easier than thinking about them
because not talking at all
is easier than trying to figure out what to say
nevaeh Sep 2020
there is a hole in my nose
and one in my heart

holding hands
in the halls
giggling
in the dark
nevaeh Sep 2020
i am rotting him
bringing him down and down
tearing him apart
i am poison
he won't stop taking me in
lapping me up
like a drug
im hurting him
by just being here
i hate myself
all i can do is hope
nevaeh Sep 2020
c
i love you
still
i think i always
will
i don't know whats happening anymore

i hope you're okay and i'm not making things worse somehow
nevaeh Sep 2020
i can't do anything more
from this point on
you do whatever you're doing
and all i'm going to do
is smile

questions? comments?
save em

im sick of this ****
destiny's a *****
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