please don't hurt yourself
it will get better
it will get so much better
i promise
just please
i love you so much
just make it through tonight
just one night at a time
please
don't do it

i collect
little plastic animal figurines

i have basically every living thing you can think of
sure, the basic zoo and farm animals
bugs and fish of all kinds
but not just generic animals
i have different species
i try to get scientifically correct ones
i have 15 plastic birds
they are all different and all real birds
i have 16 fish
again, all different
11 lizards
2 bumblebees
4 bears
6 butterflies
a fly
innumerable snakes and spiders

almost 60 of them altogether

walking home
all alone

the sky is gray
and my heart is heavy

today the rain
hits the ground
harder than it should

i change my voice
i try to make it sound
a little quieter, more feminine
i smile a lot
consciously
i put a hoodie on my dog(?)
don't ask
my laugh is different
again, girlish
and i poke out my tongue
just a little

i dont like me

too loud music
laughing at myself
who am i now?
vapor spills
toxic thrills
where am i now?
missing him
kissing her
what are we now?
~
in a stall
haunt the halls
i hate this school
i hate them all
too much makeup
too much money
laughing at him
(it's not funny)

if you were
if you could
if you wanted to
then i would
if you knew
and that was it

then i think lightning
just might hit