he's in the next room,
that man,
and what do I think of him?
more importantly what do I think of myself?
Each night like clockwork
thoughts begin to drizzle
and put a weight on my heart,
fear that I'm making a mistake
that I need to get out
before it's too late,
fear that I'll regret this all in a year
fear that I'm worth nothing more
than his toy,
he does, in every breath,
something to contradict all my fears
yet here I am
3am
and I'm petrified
I'm going to get hurt.

Down in Piedmont park
lovers are necking
dogs panting
squirrels gathering
girls basking in the fiery sun
and film crews hustling to and fro,
down in Piedmont Park
the trees whisper words
to the poets curled up
on historic benches,
the grass brushes softly
under bare feet-
new borns giggling at the new feeling,
down in Piedmont Park
people live their lives
and offer little glimpses
to stories
so much bigger
than Piedmont Park.

I'm happy I know I am
but there's still a bit of my heart
left behind
in that old mining town
that green valley
and I thought I took it with me
I thought I had forgotten
and could focus on this new man
but waking to a text
and feeling that empty space
I remembered
why I couldn't feel for this new man
like I should
like I wish I could
confirming
that I had slipped part of my heart
into T.L.'s pocket
and I might never get it back.

He plays the guitar
        with a soft raspy voice
             we spent last night *******
                                   this morning too
                                he didn't mind
                        take after take
      of my audition video
seventeen strong
but he demanded ten more
             shopping
      and laughing
      and kisses
                        losing count
                              of how many times
                                          he tells me I'm beautiful
resting my head on his
as he watches all twenty seven auditions
again and again
to make sure I am successful
and choose only the best
        I fall asleep in kingsize white sheets
        peaceful
and smiling
                    knowing that I am safe and happy.