Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Elioinai Nov 2018
walls go up like tinted glass
Each blurs the view more than the last
the tinge of blue turns Midnight
as each panel raises up
Alas!
we’re separated
as I spread the molten soda-lime
upon the molten tin to add another
to my rows of perfect pain
I’m powerless
to end this game
I’m powerless
to stop my hiding
Rescue me with Your sledgehammer of Grace
protect me from the shards
of a silent broken heart
I’m describing the image of putting up emotional walls between me and God, made of float glass, which is a process where a soda-lime-silica glass is poured onto a molten metal to form most modern glass panes.
  The only solution to my walls is God’s overwhelming Grace. It destroys my attempts at control and sweeps away my self-harm. It’s terrifying and wonderful
1.0k · Oct 2014
First heartbreak
Elioinai Oct 2014
Do you love me? I long to scream.
The answer rips through my conscience
and shrapnel drops from a broken heart
into a bitter stomach.
But the effects are not as bad as they could be,
For patience is a virtue that I don’t declare as vain
I won’t let myself go, or wain,
Too far, too fast, not completely broken, conscious
Yet.
August 6, 2012
I once was in love with a boy who never knew it
997 · Oct 2014
victim
Elioinai Oct 2014
Raw and bleeding,
Weak and needing,
The arms of stronger love,
White and red,
Skin is shed,
Gnawing away again,
Transparent shards of glass,
Cut deep from other’s bursting heart,
Blood long turned brown,
Still staining the ground,
At the feet
Of One,
Who,
Hurting,
Crying,
Changing,
Running,
Towards the Source,
Beauty,
Runs down in pools of water,
From a holy heart,
Mixing with the gore,
Like watercolor,
Shows a different scene,
A banner in the war,
Over all the carnage,
It took to get there,
Strength in every skirmish,
Broadswords only given,
To the killer of giants,
Bearer of most pain and weight,
Likeliest to casualty,
A favorite of Glory,
Sun so bright,
Off boots and mail,
He will not fail,
But Save,
And win,
And Raise,
The banner of blood,
As much of his as other’s.
And make more,
Lovers of Light.
June 4, 2013
995 · Aug 2016
each and their flower
Elioinai Aug 2016
My heart is a golden garden
Full blown roses
tight little buds
of oranges
Pinks and Rosy reds

my favorite purple hues
Each one opened at the subtle cues
of careful human touch

Each friend has opened their own treasured flower
a monument, a bright colored tower
to a love that will span through the ages of life
bringing light to my garden
even at night
There are so many ways to describe the beautiful, unique way I love each of my dearest friends
994 · Oct 2014
To my life friends
Elioinai Oct 2014
One little point of light, among the vast array
One teeny, tiny bubble in the foam along the bay,
One horse amidst the numerous herds,
One lump among the copious curds,
A face lost in the masses.
But to me you’re like the sun,
I cannot know that you are one,
Nor comprehend your unimportance.
As each star has its place, and lives that it has touched,
Planets orbiting, and songs to sing,
One person can do much.
In one respect you are my moon,
Casting beams down on my heart,
Reflecting purer light,
And pulling me towards righteousness,
By giving me the tides.
Your beauty’s not diminished by the others in the sky,
For beauty always holds its own,
Don’t look at them and sigh.
Like a jewel strung on a necklace,
Like a loop in clouds of lace,
Like a single falling snowflake on a frozen winter lake.
But also like foundation stone,
A warp string in my weave,
The sugar in a wedding cake,
Your work in me won’t leave.
November 8, 2012
To those who have loved me, those who helped me be a better person. Please know your worth
978 · May 2016
starry night
Elioinai May 2016
Soulfire
spreads out above
against the sky
like stars
and fireflies


Flecks of green
and swirls of deeper blues
these take upon our souls' bright hues
I love starry night art. It brings such a quiet joy to my heart
971 · Sep 2018
Naked Flame
Elioinai Sep 2018
I am a bright light
and I defy all walls and prisons
With Holy Fire
I devour boxes like paper shreds
but I’ve just begun to burn
and I’m only an ember compared to my future
A Roaring Burning
I will not hide the glory of the One inside me
Like oxygen and diesel
it is He who feeds me
I am but the pottery that must crumble away
until I am a skeleton lampstand
Leaving a Naked Flame
959 · Sep 2017
like a charm
Elioinai Sep 2017
there's a little starfish gem
hanging from my crystal Moti dish
You brushed it as you entered the room
and even though I told it
whispered no
it twisted farther down
with each calm glance I gave you
Energy
Lightness I hadn't known I lacked
suddenly filled my countenance
*like a charm
I made the word Moti as romantic derivative of the word Emotion. Moti also happens to mean "pearl" in Hindi and Urdu.
954 · Nov 2017
Flying over kisses
Elioinai Nov 2017
I’ve never looked out
and saw a man
who looked like all he wanted was affection
I’ve never looked out and saw
a heart I thought I might enjoy
but eventually break
because I think I need more than affection
I need a twin
a friend
a thousand times before I need a lover
That kid is beautiful
Hey
But he’s not calling me higher
952 · Aug 2015
the glass table
Elioinai Aug 2015
My wrist is laid
down
alone
upon a table
large well formed feet
visible beneath the glass sheet
that's chilling to the skin
blood recedes from distant hand
until it gathers in a puddle
between the ulna and radius
a bruise of vague percussions
spreading up my little metacarpal
as it smashes vainly upon resistant stable
trying to steady the dancing toes beneath
a barrier so clear
the dust from last week's walk from work
are seen around a sole
that won't decide
where it wants to go
or if going can be defined
while blurred blue engulfs the cloudy witness
to my pointless movements
ontop
beneath
behind
the glass table
932 · Oct 2014
little falls
Elioinai Oct 2014
Rainbows on the small cascades,
Mica streaks the sand,
The silver veins I laugh,
And the fragments give way,
Fish as long as my fingernail,
Curious about my feet
on the sunny rock I almost sleep
I love hiking to little falls
929 · May 2019
lonely Friday
Elioinai May 2019
I’m dying for a lover
and a good night’s sleep
but I’ll settle for a song
and some CBD
maybe throw in a short cry
925 · Oct 2014
First 10w
Elioinai Oct 2014
Anyone
can rhyme,
But only
we,
Bleed
words
on paper
Yay! My first 10w.
Elioinai Oct 2015
If I were to compare you to food
you would be ice cream
I can't eat ice cream
wild orange ice cream
or passion fruit and mango
exotic and forbidden

If I were to compare you to music
it would be violin Brahms
you look like Joshua Bell, you know
The sweetest music I've heard,
though you certainly don't calm me

If I were to compare you to flora,
You would be orange and purple roses
excitement and enchantment
love at first sight

If I were to compare my affections to reality
they would only inhabit a book
an uninspired novel
*which I should put down right away
A draft from months ago I forgot to post
919 · Jun 2018
Not now
Elioinai Jun 2018
drop
       drop
              drop
little spots of ink on paper
as I ponder what to write
drop
       drop
              drop
little thoughts do linger
emotions caught in webs so tight
drop
       drop
              drop
I try to untangle a single line
searching through exhausted mind
drop
       drop
              drop
my soul still raw from life’s sharp edge
the wounds and scars form a blurry wedge
drop
       drop
              drop
between what I got and what I wanted
what I lost and what I needed
drop
      drop
             drop
the messy page before my eyes
not unlike these spastic lies
drop
       drop
              drop
I ask again
when shall I truly find rest?
915 · Jan 2019
brother, I’m sorry
Elioinai Jan 2019
You work hard
To be smart
To be funny
To be love
But what screams itself to me unending
is your pain
It doesn’t stop
IT WONT STOP
and I don’t know if I should tell you
that I rarely watch you now
because every time I really look
the sound of your pain is deafening
I wish my ears would listen better
for the joy that’s hidden in your soul
Until that day I will pray
you will find it your loudest theme
901 · Dec 2017
beautiful
Elioinai Dec 2017
give me a gold dress
to match my soul
Elioinai Nov 2016
I will open my chest wide to You
the doors must swing
and every gross and delicate thing
seen
let the cleansing air come rushing in
the blazing light reach its fingers
and penetrate each moldy corner
I will remove these old and broken bones
long lain limp upon the floor
and write Your name on every wall
895 · Aug 2015
light up
Elioinai Aug 2015
hit    
me hard
cos I wanna see stars  
the work of Your hands turns into light upon my face
and in my eyes  I see Your nebulae like the red      
afterbirth of love          the glittery remains 
of                   Your glorious fireworks
as You blow up tight brown boxes   
found stashed inside my mind
and ignite the tinder 
your breath dried inside me
   released from suffocation into
      sudden oxygen from Your chest
                 all the black lies shoot bright
                     across the sky as You shimmer 
                                          your truth down into
                                                                   my world
God's work is like fire. There is nothing boring about being a Christian. Don't believe that lie. Let God light it up
892 · Nov 2018
There is Victory in Walking
Elioinai Nov 2018
Your voice caused cracks to grow in my path
Your words sowed thorns to pierce my feet
but by the Grace of God
I climbed
890 · May 2016
Perichoresis
Elioinai May 2016
We are always moving
We are never still
In our dance
No one whirls faster
than Us
Yet
None has seen a calmer rest
Perichoresis-from Greek: περιχώρησις perikhōrēsis, "rotation", describes the relationship between each person of the triune God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
889 · Dec 2018
out of the woods
Elioinai Dec 2018
for the wandering, wild heart
choosing to stay is the strangest of all
877 · Oct 2016
can sleep love
Elioinai Oct 2016
I feel you freer, closer, deeper
Your love a sleepy, peaceful cloud
that lulls my head to joyful dreamland
Though the space between us is a thousand miles twice
I feel you, and your love surrounds me
Long-distance love blooming true
875 · Oct 2014
Stephen
Elioinai Oct 2014
I feel like my, Heart is cut in two,
I keep one half, The other gave to you,  
You hold it in your hands, But do not see it there
You poke it with your knifes, And bring me to despair,
Love lies bleeding, Lying in the dust,
Did you hear a word I said?
I feel I must ,
         Just,
                        Die.
Blue eyes open! See what they beget.
Jan 12, 2012
868 · Oct 2014
Drench
Elioinai Oct 2014
I love rain,
Bask in it, Bathe in it, shake in it,
Yesterday I danced in it.
Martie watched me,
Took a break from football,
Screamed when I saw her,
Haha, then I ran up the hill.
Laid in it, wade in it,
Get rid of my jade in it.

Someday I'll move,
To the desert,
And miss it,
Or to the rainforest,
And get sick of it
Better soak in all I can now
Today
868 · Dec 2014
Dear Mark Cleavenger
Elioinai Dec 2014
Your poems remind me . . .

of the scripts the priests did write
points of light among Dark Ages
illuminated by stark events
the gold and red of the best
written ever painfully
the victors and heros
teaching now
their keen advice
with elegant prose
spun well enough to entice
the wise
their words verified
by the baring of
their bruised and broken souls
Merry Christmas Mark Cleavenger!
Keep seeking truth
859 · Oct 2014
a heart calmed by tears
Elioinai Oct 2014
Like a land just under downpour,
Calm and shining,
Soaking up the puddles on the ground,
Its colors turned vibrant,
Wondering how a thunderstorm could only just have passed,
December 4, 2012
856 · Oct 2014
Pearls and curls
Elioinai Oct 2014
Oh, how beautiful the Sea!
Oh, how at once so strange and lovely the life!
With laughing sounds, loud and harsh,
With alien creatures of suspect features,
Never a boring sight to see the Sea.
August 27, 2012
I used to live near the ocean. I miss it and all the amazing creatures I would see: starfish, ghost *****, stingrays, dolphins, octopi, jellyfish, fish, and sea cucumbers.
855 · Oct 2014
Perfect
Elioinai Oct 2014
Perfect
Their perfect! I sighed, sharing truth in play.
Hands off! She says and we laugh, laugh at our jokes that show how we feel.
For in truth, he is perfect, perfect not for me, and is sweet for her.
Perfect they are all!
Woven with all the colors of life and power and love, once shaken out fill the room with your glory,
And amaze those who look for them, your gems of works, brightening in the day,
Increasing with the times, never fade to gray.
I look upon them and rejoice at your mind,
That could think up such glorious things.
I laugh and you increase my joy, let me see myself as you and they do,
As a gem of works, brightening in the day and increasing with the time, never fade to gray,
Not threadbare in danger of holes, with colors of vague hue and the smell of musty attic.
Their Perfect! Your Perfect! And as hard as it is to say it, so am I.
October 19, 2012
855 · Apr 2016
to understand the vast
Elioinai Apr 2016
You hold the earth suspended
A sphere so small
It sinks
into a whirl of stars
which shrinks
in company of untouched swirls
to disappear
amid a tractless sea of galaxy
For who can mark it's edges?
Or conjure up an image?

This all flowed out from Ancient mouth
who lives like New each day
He told the sun it's striking place
the moon it's place to stay
And on and on, the suns do spin
the moons bathe dust in light
With fire in the morning
and milk the food of night
He asks them all to sing again
to dance with all their might
til they have shaken my own house
and fulfilled the earth's delight
835 · Oct 2014
Puppy Love
Elioinai Oct 2014
It’s kind of funny,
Actually,
How I like you like puppies,
Though I’m not afraid of puppies,
I’m afraid I might hurt them,
And no matter how much I want one,
I can’t have one,
I can’t have you.
I want to snuggle an adorable ball of fur,
And stare into some precious eyes,
Like I want to be loved by you.
I want to learn how to feed,
And care for a puppy,
Know where it likes to be rubbed and scratched,
Memorize the sound it makes,
When it misses me,
Like how I want to know and care for you,
And be known by you,
The feeling isn’t deep,
It’s not creeping crawling,
Spike that’s drawing out,
My heart,
Just a bittersweet desire,
For a dependable love.
834 · May 2015
a dream that is fading
Elioinai May 2015
WM
MW
MCM
did I place a leech inside my heart
or is my dangerous dream a divine tattoo?
A silver, dangling I love you?
A worm I feed with daydreams
I need
to starve it out?
A small question I patiently wait for the answer to.
831 · May 2017
the change a smile brings
Elioinai May 2017
To look at his plain, resting face
One sees a little of grace
But just a hint of expression . . .
Oh! What a change in complexion
Some people are suddenly beautiful when they smile. Thank you everyone for smiling, a true smile always makes my heart happy.
826 · Oct 2014
Ignoring the lover
Elioinai Oct 2014
I sometimes choose to walk,
Knowing I am loved,
But ignoring my lover,
And when I feel a sliver of loneliness
I remember your love never dies,
But forget that mine begins to ebb,
When I stop looking in your eyes,
Why do I think,
That a comfortable feeling is enough?


To Your presence,
There is a maze,
Of ever changing lines,
One things speeds me to your side,
Pain and desire quickens the journey,
Apathy bars my path and the heart is not reached,
Knowledge that You are with me,
Makes the hedges disappear,
December 26, 2013
819 · Sep 2016
absent diction
Elioinai Sep 2016
I wonder where my words went
they stick in pots of ink
floating, lazy swimmers
shirking precious duty
what do I pay them for
if not to arise and fill my pen
How does writing on my lack of inspiration  always work?
812 · Jan 2016
daily rain
Elioinai Jan 2016
You washed me in your ****** rain
so soaked into my core
taking all the ****** parts
and sewing up the place they tore

Now all I need is crystal clear
the daily rain of words
to keep me clean
and wash the skin
that's healing cold and sheer
807 · Oct 2014
I will describe myself
Elioinai Oct 2014
I was 18,
When he passed me in height,
Though I grew 1/2 an inch before Christmas,
He must have grown 2
He reached 6 feet by the summer

Wes has Brown eyes so deep and clear,
I long to see them a second time in order to stare
So unlike mine, a color that isn't a color

Esther's hair is only curly now,
because she colored it too much,
blonde is ok, but i miss her brown,
no one would mistake us for twins today,
but they might think her bounce is inherited

My father's fingers were as thin as mine,
when i was 10 and he was 17,
I can't fit his class ring

It's been years,
Since I could share shoes with any friend,
Or find good ones at thrift stores

She once said,
I had the nicest pink pout,
In the family,
tho Dad comes in second,
I don't know why,
she would insult herself that way

my cabdriver asked if I was German,
said I was tall, strong, and healthy

Uncle Paul cut my hair,
two springs past,
He feared I would cry,
to lose that thick length,
coursing down my back,
but I didn't blink,
Another year and I'll cut it again,
I swear its grown a foot already
October 14, 2014
Elioinai Nov 2016
This medicine is so hard to swallow
You show me
But my feet feel too heavy to follow
Each day
ends a bit more shallow
Give me the will to leave my wallow
and walk above in lengthened strides

The mountains call
So high and lofty peaks
do start to sing my name
so sweetly
Come walk among the clouds
and you will find the stars are not too far to reach
797 · Sep 2016
light/dark
Elioinai Sep 2016
those who see the light most clearly
have seen the dark more dreary
than those who walk a middle road
But we all know this
793 · Mar 2016
Scaly slavery
Elioinai Mar 2016
I've fed this dragon long enough
its scales grown ragged, dark, and rough
I told myself it was quite tame
but in my ear it whispers blame
Holes in my heart his talons tore
red and raw
the wounds are sore
Starved to death proved to be tough
it is so fun to feed it fluff
I'm much too old to play this game
I'm sick of all the serpent's shame
The demon's dead down to its core
and cannot hurt me anymore
7/7/15
781 · Jul 2015
tilt
Elioinai Jul 2015
I woke up
and found my friend far away
as I ponder what a friend is
and how soon can we all Skype
if it really matters
when you come to visit
will I have gone
swallowed your abandoned names and words
as you pull upon my own discarded pages
and we miss us
as we long to be each other
be ourselves in muscled trueness
Sure the other's place
will round our arms with the strength we lack
walking new streets
exercising our tongues on the ancient, baby green phrases
watch our skin contract
as we learn to deftly act
and somersault through agate hoops
mine for yours
yours for mine
we love to change traditions
My best friend and I, a Trinidadian who wants to move to America, an American who wants to move to Trinidad. Both believing only then can they be their strongest, complete selves
Elioinai Oct 2016
deep and warm
soft and strong
calm and exhilarating
wide open spaces
cozy embraces
holding and swaying
laughing and **praying
I feel the strength of your love now so much better, as of yesterday, I'm not sure why. I think our disagreement, and your good reaction to it, may have been the reason.
     Honestly, I wasn't sure about us on Thursday. I was thinking I needed someone a little more crazy like me, but then I was giving my brother Gabe some advice on Friday. He said he felt like he needed to marry a girl as crazy as him, and I told him he didn't need a crazy girl, just a girl happy to go on adventure with him. That made me realize the flaw in my own thinking about you. You're perfectly suited for me. I need your calmness to my crazy.
  Your reaction to our disagreement was so great. You were so happy we finally found something we disagreed on. And you knew I didn't want to say "I love you" that night, so you said "I love you too", though I protested and told you I loved you anyway, I secretly wasn't feeling it for the first time.
        Then you sang "I'll run" to me  Thursday, and I knew you were doing it because you loved me, and probably because you knew I hadn't recovered yet.
And on Friday you made me face my fear of what challenges my Ulcerative Colitis might bring us, and helped me know that you weren't going to ever leave because of any.
That afternoon I thought about how much you love me and I finally realized how everything you've told me is true. I knew that before, I guess, I just didn't really *feel* the truth before.
   And my heart felt settled in, secure in your love, in loving you
777 · Jan 2019
live on as glitter, wishes
Elioinai Jan 2019
certain wishes in my heart ask to die
but I hate to crush such beautiful wishes
crystal prisms of lovely antique thoughts  
I still tell myself as bedtime stories
I pull them across my glassy eyes like curtains
stepping into dreamland upon the clouds of fatal fantasies
Oh, how they begin to plead for death
They desperately long for me to move on
To wishes I am proud to speak at dawn
Goodbye, sweet relics
Goodnight
A poem about happy wishes that only bring me sadness
777 · Aug 2018
the fucking same
Elioinai Aug 2018
and I’m done pretending
that physical pain is any less devastating
than emotional pain
Honestly, they’re the same
For me emotional devastation causes physical devastation and physical detestation causes emotional detestation, so it’s the same to me.
775 · Jan 2015
stomach punch
Elioinai Jan 2015
Another round with life
Another year
Another shout for time
Another opportunity to conquer fear

This year didn't wait
struck me right away
while I still reeled
from it's younger brother's
final stroke

but Light didn't leave me
alone
Golden books
Golden whispers
Golden hands hold me tight
Give me strength for New Year's fight
I woke up New Year's morning with a sore throat and now that's only a frog now my Ulcerative Colitis is worsening because I ate cheese and carefully prepared tomatoes- I'm bleeding and in pain. My fight for health is so hard. Everyone tells me to do something different. But how can I fear when God is holding me?
762 · Sep 2018
feeling beige at best
Elioinai Sep 2018
And what you’re telling me
would mean so much
if I cared
even a little
751 · Apr 2017
Rewrite Me
Elioinai Apr 2017
Suffering is Suffering
and Pain is Pain
Any such hand can move the quill
deeper in your heart of ink
Rewrite your story
and Embolden the heading
Love
Dripping down in red and black
Salty water smudge the edges
but only for a while
The quill comes back to sharpen them
Carving like a sword
away the imperfections
747 · Oct 2014
Easter at the Pond
Elioinai Oct 2014
It’s Cold!
Giggles,  
There’s nerves on my feet!
Water on my toes, hot sun on my head,
Tell me tales of river beasts, to chill the blood of mothers
April 8, 2012
743 · Oct 2014
My four chambered Heart
Elioinai Oct 2014
The box that pumps my blood has four,
Four chambers,
One holds all the light and airy facts of love along with the dark and heavy,
Another holds my memories,
The third and fourth are queer indeed, I never know what in them I’ll find,
Whether they’ll be full or empty.
The third is reserved for what I give to others,
The fourth for what I get.
The first and second display my lifetime,
The third and fourth: a day.
November 12, 2012
743 · Nov 2017
waiting greatness
Elioinai Nov 2017
I have a sleeping giant in my heart
Did you know?
It slumbers in its chains
Next page