My hopes flew quickly to bright flowers
strong and sweet
they gazed for hours
But now that strength has waned

My joy in flurried work
though first relieved in stress less space
soon borderlined on Shirk

This depressed state
is common now
when we mix our ink with paper
we sit in pools of swirling grey
and lose our whirlwind shaper

our hearts have fallen
through the rainbow air
and droop on dreary sills
our eyes are sick and only stare
at mirrors showing ills

Our psyches oh so wonderful
do quite forget their power
and don't remember
the angeled bower
on which they did alight

When winged insects
leave the sky
when butterflies do land
they do not ask their maker why
but trust this rest upon his hand

They eat and drink
they sleep and wait
They wait for Gentle eye to wink
And when they fly
don't wonder why
or call their leave too late

Your heart does not ask for another
Your eyes are not pulled away
The warmth of your arms does not smother
My wish for the coming day
To wake up and see you again

There are no women to draw you
The stars and their light can't compare
To the joy in your heart that blossoms
in the moment our souls join to share
Though I hide my face quite aghast
at the glorious passion you dare
In time you will draw me to dance
with all the raw lightning you wear

Because I am so free,
I will sleep in cages,
To show they cannot harm me,
I will walk my golden feet in mud,
To show I won’t absorb it,
Just as Christ himself,
Who never had a chain,
Chose to live under human rules,
So I will submit,
To pointless stipulations,
Covering,
To truly reveal.
Assenting,
Because I am free.
Those who fly,
Can leave the sky,
And walk,
With light steps.
Shaking off the dust,
Of crowds,
While laughing with them.

in size
the earth is but a thought
passing through your mind
but you spoke a spark
and magnified in kind
the importance of this little park
to the words upon your tongue
none can fall or go to waste
the universe expansion just begun

slowly carving, you do not haste
the adolescence of a race
whose lives are flashes in a glass
Your countenance of tears
a God of suffering
a God of rain
the God who takes our pain
and forms it into golden coloring

Time, Love in action
is a forever forward dance
it never ends
and stretches on
like the twinkling light that bends
down to us from the stars

Thank you
for never saying
“I don’t love you anymore”
or
“I never loved you”
I sincerely smile
an odd little smile
a sudden gratitude

in pride I forgot
oh the shaking of my heart
and my head at my fault
For the nerves in your brain
stretch like lengths of fiber optic cords
that hold the cyber clouds together
your lips were placed upon each other
to produce much more than laughs from mine
Ah!
I think of the heart that is squeezing
blood through all your delicate channels
And I remember
You are more than a pretty face
much more than a night of entertainment

Why did I once again stay here?
Outside your door,
Fiddling with the toys you gave me,
And gazing upon your gifts,
Too long,
Trading my Glory,
For a story,
Of weariness,

This room shall be beautiful
after You rip down that faded wallpaper
and tear open old boards
the clouds of dust choke my throat
and crumbled tiles block my feet
But You see
the work is Yours
This room shall be beautiful

I look into my misty minds
amid the wafting vapors
ghosts and shadows
flit among the chimes
the bells that sing of well formed things
are joined with indelible dark gongs
the thrums of unresolved pains
the scarring beat of ingrained sins

A rocket screams in flames in my blue, blue sky,
Bright beautiful day,
This tragedy my lie,
As I wander through my mind,
I run this poisoned knife,
Into my heart and wish I was more kind.

In the Fall
Your face arrived
And in the color
your cheeks
will round like apples in the trees
which gently fall their leaves

When they said that love is pain
they didn’t expect me
to quite literally be bleeding

I hope I am grace to you
I hope I am the most powerful inspiration for good from a woman ever given to you
I hope I am a stonewall to you
A picture of the surest **** that ever kept Holland dry to you
I hope I am a warcry to you, what caused Braveheart to go and fight to you
I hope I am rest to you
I hope I am joy to you
I hope that I am hope to you
And I hope I am these things forever to you

"I thought we were good people, Mama"
"It was the books you read,
Not the words I said,
my child.
I didn't spare your ears,
and when you threatened tears,
I let the truth march on"
"Then how did I grow being proud,
singing our national anthems loud,
sure it was good to be American?
My country has stolen, my country has *****, made every poisened mistake,
and it WON'T STOP!"
" That is true,
my child, but it is good to be you.
Apologize for your cousins and fathers and aunts, if you must,
and your purchased slave chocolate,
slave t-shirts, and jewelry
But NEVER,
my child,
not EVER,
should you apologize for being yourself"

In vain, in vain, in vain,
I cry, is a worry here,
But a tear to the eye,
In vain, in vain, in vain,
You said, is a worry here,
But a pain in the head,
For my blessing are kept,
In a box up there,
No one will rob them,
They will not tear,

You bestow at the proper time,
It’s not my place to beg and whine,
Or think that I must push on through,
Without what I need, and not with you,

In vain, in vain, in vain,
You said, is a worry here,
But a blessing bled,
Not for not was my blood shed.

you are sunlight
you are rain

today my feelings
are sick
I don't know why
because life is pretty good
I smile genuinely
brighter than before
My smile sits on a chin held higher

maybe they are just a mirror
Of my still struggling health
and today is just part of my journey
It has been a while since I've cried

the fire of life
crackles ever fiercely
But hope snuggles in next to me
as I finally let my walls burn
hope is the only barrier I need
between me and life's flames
She's warm and smells like Christmas

I stood threatened
by annihilation
faced with darkness
fire
thorns
my family would endure
no
we
would forever fight for breath
in the oppressive fumes
while wishing our throats would close
no longer to endure
for endurance speaks for better days
here there are no
morning glories
or purple clouds of night
nothing to assure the soul
that it will be alright
only never-ending death

the thought of this was impossible
you wouldn't take it to that end
though by our choice
we doomed ourselves

alone without us?
you needed us not
for to yourself were sweet communion
but how could you not create
for to be God is to make
to take
what you are
and sweep it across the sky
with intoxicating color

a paradox of clairvoyance
Oh Brilliant of the Brilliant
Mind like a thousand bolts of lighting
and you said
"Have your choice.
I will not become less,
though you gorge yourselves on sin
and take the shards
from your own breaking hearts
to shatter the sweet and innocent "

Find me in the Spring
and I will love you freer

Every day I lay my head down upon my pillow
Is a day of victory
Every day I rise again to see the sun
And another day of victory
to sleep
to rise
To breathe again
To praise your name and know your heart
in each one
is my joy and duty
But even if I forget
A day of victory
it still is yet
For I breathed the breath you gave me

I’m a stranger walking through a wonder world
colors dripping down my walls
Sudden like hidden koolaid in a showerhead
purposeful like a bath in paint
Watercolors of all my favorite songs
and so many new ones
Today I’m tired and slightly lonely
it’s a dreary day
I’m lighting up with a dizzy rainbow mix
of beats
in the absence of a working tub
I’ll stand up and steam myself to sleep

Look down
far down, down, down
into the canyon of my being
and wonder at the rainbows
splashing in the stream

take this hour
and perhaps the next
to memorize the grand duress
of English words spread east to west

In our sterilized world
condensed selves peek out
Behind our blinding white back lit screens
desperate to draw out blood across the page
If anyone cuts, they'll leave the blood at home
To format conviction from insubstantial photos
Emotionless
every 19 out of 20 are all just pics of color drained of all but the shallowest
human experience
Dying to be loved
Seen
Hardly hoping to be understood
Cutting off all hope
as we cut off all our enemies
And cage ourselves in an impotent haven
No love can sprout, grow, and blossom
Hanging in mid-air
Amidst the talk of pointless pasts and puns
No,
Life
Love
Is Wrought in all the nastiness of Dirt
As earth's pushing pulls the golden threads
up out of all the worthy hearts
And stitches us together with all her lovely arts
It's Face to Face
And pain to pain
Where love indeed does truly start

We've always been the ones to say
"No, you love me more!"
But it's really you
You love me more
though you didn't know how before

When the leaves turn gold
I stand in joyous awe

When branches become bald
dread creeps in to the raven's caw

I feel the Red Oak's scarlet kiss
turn like death upon my lips

When every year my confidence slips
that I will see bright life in this
Remind me that green comes back
That verdant veins will run wild again
the dry earth will not crumble away
before spring rains sweep in to quench the brown decay

It comes back
Life always comes back

all that becomes old
will be restored
will be renewed

The shame of thoughts
of having said
Thus sin creeps into mind

But strength will come
when I have heard
This cause is hardly thine

All Victory is Mine!

The last thing
he says he misses
showing me truth
and watching me change
well, maybe not change
He didn't see me change enough  
So when I feel I miss him
and His chocolate cake of kisses
Remind me . . .
what he misses is changing me
But what he MISSED was Me

I can face the giant, knowing I will win,
I can face the world, baring all my sin,
For the Lord is on my side, and paid it all before,
There’s nothing that can conquer me,
He’s locked and closed that door,

I dreamed that I was given,
All I needed and more,
To go where I’ve been sent,
Out of your treasure store,

Your hands are never lacking,
When I come a-asking,
And golden straw is always there,
To make the bricks, and share.

Scrolling down the colored screen
As if your life was better than mine
I miss . . .
I wish . . .
I ache inside
not for the return of another time
but for the people I've left behind

Something good is coming
Something good is coming
Hope whispers to me
Though my strength lies down to sleep
It has not been plundered
My bright future Love keeps
Safe for me
Though my strength lays down to sleep
It will rise up in Joy
my eyes upon the East
as the sun braves the sky

I’ve longed to forget you
I’ve prayed for my mind to erase your name
I ask to hold lessons and memories untainted
As slowly you become a little less
I realize so many people don’t get to forget
Faces, hands, smells, pain
are burned
DEEP
DOWN
their neural pathways are trenches to abusers names
I’ve got it easy
Someday soon I will not think of you for a day
then a week
then a month
And I will ask “who?” when they suddenly bring you up
You’ll be a subject long dusty
crumbling away

When hope
has reached the door
the wait is worst

watercolor rainbow
washing away
my iris streaked across my face

I miss you,
Clear cut,
Crystal globe,
When the stories of the past,
Hung more or less straightly,
Like the ribben suspending you

Addicted,
                   To poetry,
And comments,
                      and hearts,
to myself
                    and my words
Experiment
                  when I'm supposed to be accomplishing
academically
                   my professor
is worried already
                    who knew
I would be
                     Addicted

A scar runs down,
Across from end to end,
And no one knows how deep the wound is.
A love so far away,
That knowledge turns to ashes.
Affection might bloom once more,
In a heart I said was cold.
In a corner it cries for now,
And longs for warm arms,
Like she’s heard of Old.  
Unnecessary! hoarse the shouts,
That seem to cramp my heavy mind,
And promises I threw away come creeping back to haunt me.
I’ve sworn I didn’t need you,
And half-bitterly read the words that told me so.
Where are you when I need you?
Have you forgotten me so soon?
A scar runs down,
And could deepen soon enough.

So often
human intelligence has failed to understand
the reality that awaits in Heaven
of pure, unhindered connection
deepest connection
far deeper than the intractable sea trenches of our own world
And yet, quite reachable it will be
Deep and Seen
every swimming prize recognized
each long lost golden treasure
at long last recovered
The manmade glories set beside the natural

Sometimes I just want to cry,
All the old emotions come to taunt me,
Like old wounds breaking open anew.
My tears wash my heart,
And help them away,
Put them back in their box,
For this is not time to play.
Longing for my friends must always be a part of life,
Bittersweet memories won’t say goodbye once I’m a wife.
But without two people I feel almost lost,
All these blessing didn’t come without some small cost,
And I can’t wait to come back to you.
My body is sick, and is bleeding,
It mirrors my heart in its pleading,
For comfort and rest,
For friends that are best.

my love leaks today
spilling out like scarlet drops
rolling over sorrows hills to find
a glass house to fill
a few tried to find
ways to go back
to a previous vessel
that broke to send them fleeing in return
to Me
But as your dark face arose before me
all I felt was a quiet disgust
And my drops of love sighed
"No bottled home for thee is found"
And their home must be my heart

I look for you here
something in me longs to find myself
hidden in someone's sorrowful words
or adoring lines
I look for a mirror here
as my eyes wait for your name
I want to see myself in blazing colors
Poems from the eyes of another
But selfish never gives me happy
and I stare at my own too much