C’mon
Why do I have to suffer
Why don’t I get a vice
Why don’t I get to stumble
Why won’t you let me fall
Why can’t I show weakness
Why can’t I indulge
Why can’t I break a rule or two
Why can’t I get into some trouble
Why can’t I be bad
Just let me do something bad
Let me break the rules
Just do something for fun
Something that feels good
Because right now everything hurts
And it would seem everyone else
They all get to be weak for a bit
Everyone else can stumble
Oh, but not me
No, not the perfect one
She wouldn’t do that
No, never
She doesn’t have desires
She doesn’t lust
She doesn’t crave escape
She doesn’t want to have fun
She doesn’t want to be happy
BECAUSE YOU
YOU TAUGHT ME
TO FOLLOW RULES
But now I’m suffocating
The weight on my back is heavy
I’m getting weak
But that can’t happen
No, she’s perfect
She doesn’t get weak
She always does right
She’s always virtuous
She never would do that

Haha
But you know what?
I’m ******* human, dear ones
I need people around me
I cannot survive alone
I’d like to have ***
Yeah, I’ve done it alone
I would love to get high
Yes, I would actually like a drink
In fact, I’d like to be very drunk
I connect with that dark music
The kind that screams about torment
I’ve sliced my own skin
I’ve thought about dying
Yeah... at my own hand

Right... but I can’t, can I?
Can’t indulge, can’t go dark
Because you’ve trained me
You’ve programmed me
There is always a fear response
You are responsible
You are why I’m like this
You are why I don’t have friends
You are why I’m not like them
You are why I can’t enjoy anything

I’m so ******* done with this
Being “strong”
Whatever the hell that means
I just wanna be normal
I’m done.
I’m so ******* done.

I’m not perfect
Stop making me out to be
You just make me want
To watch myself
Fall from grace

I don’t wanna be another tragedy
I don’t want to be another number
Don’t quote me for statistics
I’m not just another number
Ticking suicide rates
Rising higher... higher....

Can the vengeance sustain me?
Can I find enough fire inside
To warm this frozen heart?
To keep myself alive?

I won’t be another tragedy

I will not be another tragedy



I refuse to be a tragedy.

Do it.

JUST ******* DO IT

you coward.

Finish me off.

Make me

a̸̡̖͍̬̘̯̍̀̔͋̐̑̌́ ̴̪̲̼͋̇̕m̶͙͐̀ṓ̴͓̮̇́̔͊ń̸̯̜̦̼̦̼̓ś̵͉̻̗̈́̅̐̒̆̓̕̕͝͝t̴͇͇̟̘̳̙̔͆͒͗̑e̵̢̧̼̲͎­̺̖̻̳͕̓̒͒̋r̷̜̟͎̤̤̲̣̋͗͑́͗̓͝

Hug me
Control me
Hold me
Abuse me
Kiss me goodnight
Manipulate me
Feed me
Watch me starve

I'M SO ******* CONFUSED

SO I'VE FOUND A LOOPHOLE

I'VE FOUND A WAY OUT

YOU CAN'T CONTROL

IF YOU DON'T KNOW

AND YOU DON'T DESERVE TO KNOW

YOU DON'T DESERVE TO SEE



Ţ̸̢̨̢̞̩͓͇̙͕͍̹̩̝͖͉͎̮̘̀̐̈́Ḧ̴̡̥̹̩͈̫̥̳̱̯͖̻͉̮͈́͐̀͒̋̒̃͋̐̄͠Ȇ̶̎̃̚­̪̪͑̾̈́̔̂̏̽̌͆̌̎ ̸̡̛̹͓͇͍̤̯͔͚̆͌́͌͑̀͋̐̍̎̌͋̄̔̕̚̕͝S̵̛̹̙̙͔̜̙̦͚̤̻̤̐͑͆̈́̄̐́̃̿̽̍̌́͘̚C̸̃͋͗̕͝­̧̛͇͓͉͚̣͉͔͉̝̮̯̰͎͚̩̖̔̑̀͋̎̔̊̑͆̀̚A̸̢̢̧̛̛̲̣̫̼̰͈̪͖̥͉̋͐̐͑͛̐́́̀̿̒͊̋͛̋̀͝͝͝­̧̼̝͇̮̳̠͎̣̖͙͜R̸̡̧̛̠̙̖͔̹̣̟̩̦̻͍̖̹̉͌͑̍̌̈́̽͂̾̈́̏͆̉̚̚͝͝S̶̡̡̯̲̪̲̪̼̤̜͎̼̀̎̕ͅ­͚̳̲̺̱͓̩͍̲̞̼͎͜



.

I wanted to be sad
To mourn for her
The young lady there...
Suffering.
She’s felt a lot of pain
Felt deep sorrow
Shouldered awful burdens
Experienced mortal terror
Over and over again
She didn’t know
If she wanted to continue


But I swallowed their solution
It saved me
I can’t complain
But now sleep is creeping in quickly
Won’t be keeping conscious long enough
To sit and be kind
To my self from last year

To them, she’s a joke
She wonders if she can be loved
They act like she’s a character in a movie
Of course her prince will come!
(Theirs all came, anyway)
They tell her someday
She’ll look back and laugh
But in her heart
She can see that her reality is not the same
She’ll never have a partner
She’ll never know a true friend
And she knows
That no matter what they all say
She’s destined to be alone.

Littered in scars
Marks of carelessness
Of stupidity
Of childhood
Of accidents
But you.....
My tiny pink line
Fading already...
You seem so eager to leave me...
Only about a centimeter long
Small and delicate
I put you there.
I remember well
kinda...
You mean something to me
I’m not quite sure what yet
But I think
That of them all
You are my favorite
I want to preserve you
I’m begging you not to disappear
You’re far too important
And if it comes to it,
I will ensure you remain.

Something fun
To give me that rush
The high of words
Get me off
On the sensation
Of creation
Make my hands shake
In anticipation
Brain spinning
Dizzy with thoughts
Endless possibilities
Just let me soak in it
Drink it in
Please, now
Let me write

There is a demon
His name is Suicide
I've let him in
I feed him
I care for him
In return, he lets me feel
Just a little
Only sometimes
I keep him happy
He keeps me dead
I stay confused
Unable to cast him out
Because every time I try
I fail to fill his empty space with light
So he returns
Stronger, meaner
To abuse and torment
While I forget what light is

I think
I just want
To sing
And dance
And scream
Alone
Happy

Take it away
I don’t want it anymore
But it doesn’t belong to me
I have no right
To rid myself of it
But I don’t actually believe
That things will get better
Do I?
This life
It hurts
And as long as I’m here
It will hurt me
So I’ll have to keep fighting
As long as I am here
Because no matter how much
I don’t want it
It’s not mine to throw away

Do you ever just feel

ON TOP

OF THE WHOLE

*******

WORLD?!

Cause I don’t very often
And I’m gonna savor it