You always said you wished I had long hair.
So I told you I'd dye my short hair, green.
You threatened to leave me.
I told you if you ever got a buzz cut, I'd cry.
Neither of us knew that I'd cry because my hair got longer and
when I did cry, you got a buzz cut.
Suddenly I was the one leaving.

Laying in the car on my back
Trying to trick myself into believing
It warm and sunny
And realizing how easily I can lie
To myself, and it scares me.

You say my personality revolves around exhaustion.
I say yours revolves around passivity and foolishness.

Don't talk to me like you know me
Talk to me like you love me
She just wants him to adore her
Even if she yells at him and says words she doesn’t mean
Or if she sings out of tune, or that her hair is frizzy
Or she doesnt wear make up, or if she swears too much
Or if she wants to believe in love, but at the same time she doesn't.
She wants to be that girl. The one he cant stop thinking about
The one who looks pretty in a neon pink rain coat in the rain
With her hair dripping water in thin streams of uncontrolling.
She doesnt want it to be love, though that would be nice.
But she wants him to tell her that she is special
And that she is his one. And that he cares about her
In the morning and the afternoon and in the night
And especially when its raining
With her mascaras running and her hair laying flat
On her rain soaked face.

I dont have a tendency to write things when im happy,
Only when things are breaking or crashing down.
Dysfuntion usually laces the words that end up on my paper
Going down my readers throat, so that im not the only one
Whos infected with mayhem.
I am still writing about dysfuntion
But with the flavor of fantastic confusion.
Because I used to think that when you met someone
Youd know right away, that they were important.
Until now, I found out that you could meet your best friends ex
As a sophomore in spanish 3 and wait for another year
And still not know that they make you smile.
That my dear is dysfunction.
You can then finally meet them in a class
That you werent going to take in the first place.
And let them read about your biggest fears and happiest moments
Finding out that you dont have one bit of trouble letting them in.
Still you wait though, because its highschool
You will either break up soon or break up when you graduate
So why bother in the first place, if you know itll only end in distaster and heart break.
But they stay and they let you figure things out
And you ask for time
And you ask for time
And you ask for time
And thats what they give you.
And you question and question and question
And they answer and answer and answer
Until you have no choice but to accept that they are special
Because they dont make you nervous when they say the word girlfriend
And they don’t make it awkward when you ask them questions not fit for 3 weeks
They arent juvinille with the expectations of hand holding and careless I love yous.
So you let them come to your house and meet your parents and you go to theirs
You make the mistake of developing a loose mouth, and take oppurtunities
To tell your uncles and aunts about how wonderful they are and you feel yourself
Digging a hole deeper and deeper into the ground made of them.
And you know that when it ends, you will be so deep
That it will take you forever to get out.
But you stay and that is dysfuntion in its finest
Because you know the longer you stay, the more itll hurt to leave
But you stay anyways because they make you smile, and they make you laugh
And they make you happy.
So if this is what type of dysfuntion my writing will be laced with then
Let it come by the gallons.

Things people do to avoid talking/acknowledging their feelings.
Are
Change the subject
Play with you’re hair to hide the fact that you’re feeling
Hows the weather down in california?
I saw you today touching someones shoulder
To get them to stop talking about their divorce.
As a matter of fact they probably were trying to pick you up
Which made me feel
Did you dye your hair?
You keep playing with it
Whenever I bring up how we used to sit
And watch movies and talk through them
And how when ever we were having conversations
About our pasts that killed us
You would kiss me in the middle of my sentence
To stop me from opening up.
That specific kiss overwhelmed me with the feeling of
I should just leave and stop talking
Because thats what you did when it got to hard
To realize that you loved me and that I loved you back.

From being a teenage girl
In a public high school
I see my fair share of drug deals
And stoners lighting up in the bathroom
Kids over dosing in the parking lot.
Ive been to a good amount of parties
Where my best friends sprawl out all over their
Newest boy interests, sipping down alcohol
To take off just a little bit of pressure.
Ive held hair back as someone throws up
And admits that they did it on purpose
Because they ate that piece of pizza
And that they hate making them self gag.
Ive smelled the marajuana
Lacing the words about how youre fine
And how your ‘so relaxed’ now
And you dont care about anything
And so now ive relaized that
These things are drugs
For when you feel everything
To make you feel nothing