I don't want to be a speck in this ocean of humanity.
I don't want my words to be so small and obscure that even the keenest ear, still, cannot hear.
I don't want to be tossed and kicked and shoved about, like the speck I fear I am.
The speck that floats & sweeps and glides & sighs - the speck that will never be examined.

I breathe.
I live.
I mean.
I am.

I don't want to be invisible.

---

The world is one big bustle after another - people pushing and shoving, only to sleep and repeat?

I am the one you bumped into, in a race to catch the nooner to downtown Detroit.
I am the girl you stumbled past, in your rush to catch another cab.

I am the flower ******* McKenzie who sold you more marigolds.
The waitress at PJ's who asked, "More cream?"
The cashier at Aldi's who bagged your Arizona.

I am that ticket taker at Cinemark who gave you your stub and genuinely hoped you would enjoy your movie.

I am the girl you're seated by, right now.
This instant.

So close, you can hear her soft breaths;
So close, you can nearly smell her perfume;
So close, and still...
You stand.

You gather your things, get off the train, and run off to catch another, what?
Bus? Plane? Cab?

You're gone.
And, I'm here.
And, I'm still the girl;

The girl who might have been your soulmate.
But, you traded me for 15 minutes of silence and a bed you'd sleep in alone.

---

I don't want to be a speck in this ocean that is your world.
I want to be a boulder.

I want to mean something,
And be something,
And exist to you.

So, STOP.
I'm here.


"Hello."

You and me were invincible
Just two kids against a small town
You told me I was beautiful
But you were the king without a crown
And you said that only I knew
God, it was like your smile put the stars in the sky
The soundtrack of our summer was you and blink-182
Our last summer day, we danced with your preppy silk bowtie

I don't know what you see.
The curves of these words, the flow of my lines.
They're not beauty.
But at least, I can say without fear,
That they're mine.

Everyone worries about the distance
How long it takes to get from here to there
When they'll get back
But me?
I don't worry
Because all I know, is that on this map,
You're only inches away

Your eyes, full of hate
They cut through my skin, leaving jagged edges in my mind
These cuts are deeper than they seem, bruising what's left of my body
And taking the rest of my sanity
You're pushing me
Pushing me towards self destruction, annihilation
You cut right through me

10 shaking fingers
Trace 9 fading scars
I think 8 new fatal thoughts
Within 7 minutes, she decides
6 wounds will be enough
She know in 5 minutes, she'll be gone
The 4 pillows propping her up start to fall
As 3 tears start to roll down her cold cheeks
2 swollen eyes start to lose sight
As 1 life starts to drain.

I've never struck a match with the intention to start a fire
Not until tonight
But since you have a *** drive that's push to desire
Was she really worth this ******* fight?

There's a hell, darling.
It's in you.
Your perfectly coiffed hair
hides a mind so evil,
the Antichrist should be scared.

There's a hell, darling.
It's in you.
Behind your beautiful blues,
Are intentions so cruel.

There's a hell, darling.
It's in you.
With your sparkling tan, and your Tiffany necklace,
No one would suspect a heart with hate filled to the brim.