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I struggle to express myself
With words anymore

Instead I’ve taken to the
Slightly masochistic method

Of running like mad
As means of release

My feet pounding on the pavement
My muscles screaming in agony

Up to the painful peaking point
Where everything finally numbs

It feels like every hurtful mental musing
Has been forced out of my body

My mind finally quiets if only for a short while
At which point I lace my sneakers and repeat
Consider it my explanation to my recent absence here on HelloPoetry.
I stood there
In the dim lights of our den

A place once cherished
But now otherwise ignored

It had become his
Hiding place

His refuge for
When he wouldn’t speak

At those times
Like right now

I would stand there
Behind him

Delicately trailing random patterns
On his sweat-soaked tee’s back

He used to dress nicely
Plaid polos and such

But ever since she passed
He was rather shoddy in his appearance; sloppy

I could feel his body
Rise and fall

Each breath shorter and less healthy
Than the last

But I said nothing
Simply humming softly

Finally he lifted his head
His pale, pallid skull

Topped with slightly thinned
Reddish hair

It’d been so thick before
Before she passed

He turned slowly
To face me

His face was a sickly purple so unlike the warm peach
It’d been when she was alive

His lips were pale and chapped
Unlike their previous full pink

And they were shuddering violently
As he tried to speak

After another moment of silence
Eventually he did

If you’d just been
Quiet

He whispered
In a harsh, raspy voice

His now yellowed teeth that he once prided in deeply
Gleamed in the den’s faded light

If you had just
Kept your **** mouth shut

He elaborated
In a sour undertone

I felt my stomach sickening itself
But refused to show reaction to his words

If you had just been able to silence yourself for a ****** minute
She would not have died

I knew it was true
And so I did not try to stop him as he stood

He was gone within hours
To accompany her

To abandon me
The idiot that could not keep quiet

Thus now I am what you might call a
Mute

For silence is a friend
That never betrays
I do my
Best thinking
When I am cold
And I do not mean cold
Such as
Mild shivers and
Light body quakes
I mean
**** straight
Runny nose
Over the top
Wooly sweaters
And hot chocolate
To soothe
My frozen bones


I suppose the
Intensity
The feel of my
Frigid skeleton
Pressed against my
Clammy Skin
Wakes me up


So I sit there
****
(Because God knows those sweaters were hideous…)
With a glass
Of frosted judgement
And ponder over thoughts
That were previously resolved
Only to reconsider


Why in God’s name
Did I say that to her?
Do his stares really mean
What they imply?
Did I leave the stove on?
Till my mind
Liquefies
To mere mush
And the chills
Overtake my curiosity
Are replaced by
A mug of hot beverage
Of my usual lukewarm distaste
What is this new
Strange wonderland
I am submerged in

A lukewarm sea
Of sluggish moves
And illusions

A pocket watch
Unlocked wardrobe
An umbrella

It’s like a dream
Calmly between
The hot and cold

Without a choice
I am stuck here
Yet I don’t mind

Passive as I am
I still Ponder
Why I am here

An eccentric
Bizarre and odd
New wonderland
I am content
But not happy
But surely content
But surely eased
To sit here
And never change

Content to see
As you mature
As you grow
As you blossom
While I’m unmoved
And never change

Content to stay
Never learn maturity
Never grow new
Never discover blossoming
I wallow alone
And never change

Content to wait
As you tire
As you decide
As you leave
Knowing I’ll stay
And never change
Very similar to my older poem 'Contently Cowardly' but not the same. Hence the new title.
I thought I had told you, I have never
loved someone like this,
or felt the touch of a spirit
like a thousand winds
wrap around my moments in this way.

Look me in the eye and taste the passion
of this wine that pours from my heart.
You will then know the chemistry
that makes up the rhythm of truth
in these words I speak to you.

Listen to how much easier the rain falls
because we hear calmer waters
when we sail on the river
of our sweetest emotions.    

I thought you knew how I dream
of drawing the curtains of love’s intoxication
across our windows
and calling off our search for different skies.
I was sure you understood
how my fingertips trace one hundred places
on your face that I love more each time
I seek them out with my eyes.  

I thought I had told you,
I have never loved someone like this,
but perhaps I merely spoke these words in my mind.
So I tell you now, I speak them aloud,
to let there be no questions
running in the meadow of everything we feel.
I have never loved anyone
as I love you.  

Take my hand
and let’s draw the curtains
of love’s intoxication across our windows.
  Let us shut out the world
and sail on the river of our sweetest emotions.
I will trace those places on your face
that I adore with all I am.
Come wrap me in your spirit
of a thousand winds.
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