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Elli Mar 2014
i would always say i love you
and you would look up
from your book
and flash that nonchalant smile
as if you know that you would hear those words
years from now, no matter what
and you would say, without a failure
you're an idiot
but i knew from your eyes
that you meant *i love you too
Elli Mar 2014
he was a demon,
considered himself monstrous
of course he is,
even the flowers wilt
when he touches them

he was afraid to touch
the person he loves the most
always kept her apart
even if he wanted to held her

she reminds him of a flower,
so fleeting,
fragile,
wouldn't she crumble
if he touches her?
Elli Mar 2014
is it right for me to crave
your touch,
if i can't even call you mine?

oh how selfish of me,
because i know it will never satisfy
my desires
i wanted more than a touch,
i wanted your love
but alas,
even the heavens cannot give me that
Elli Mar 2014
inhale*
heart cold as ice
exhale
I cannot feel emotions
i now enjoy writing 10 word poems. anyway, this is how i convince myself to pretend i don't feel anything and also to force myself not to cry.
Elli Mar 2014
you love the idea of being loved,
but not me
my first try, i hope it's ok.
Elli Mar 2014
bravery isn't just limited to fighting dragons
or wearing that armour of yours

bravery isn't all about protesting what you believe in
or using your fists to do the explaining

it's you at 6 in the morning forcing yourself to get up
because you stayed up all night crying

it's when you try so hard to keep that untouched blade
that you always kept hidden from your parents
away from your skin

it's when you always try to think of "happy thoughts"
and fake your smiles;
although it's  make believe, it's a sign you don't want to give up

it's when you feel all your bottled up emotions
rushing, begging to be felt by you
and yet you keep yourself from caving in completely
succumbing from your darkest fears

you always feel hopeless and alone,
but then here you are,
alive
breathing
grasping for that minuscule light

you think you have given up completely,
and that your dreams died a long time ago
but when you listen closely,
your heart is still beating
isn't that a sign of hope?

you are fighting your own wars,
so never believe them when they call you
weak
because you have your own battle scars as proof,
proof that you survive and still fighting

you are the hero(heroine) of your own story
so believe me when i tell you that
**you are brave
i still doubt myself that this is good enough, but i hope this gives encouragement to people, like me, who is at the peak of giving up (still editing)
Elli Mar 2014
they say love yourself
and accept the things that make you
who you are

they make it sound as simple as
plucking flowers
and tearing its petals off
one by one
hate or love?

but what will i do,
if i cannot love myself?

oh, but you're pretty,
you're skinny enough,
you get good grades

as if this justify that i
cannot be sad and have a
"good" life in the eyes of society?

you have never been in my own skin
it reeks of hatred and sadness
as if our bones are filled with sorrow
and broken promises of tomorrow

sometimes i get sad over stupid things
but maybe because i bottled up all my feelings
i replay memories non-stop
and this is an addiction of mine
i get drunk on the idea of love
but i push people away
then wonder why they always leave

so i hated myself
more and more
until there's nothing left
for me to hate but
my beating heart
i want to see what they see in me, but in the end i can never see why they think i'm "nice" or "pretty", all i can ever see are my flaws.
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