I lit a candle in midday
and watched how quickly
I'd forget about it

When your gaze shifts
and our eyes meet
I feel like a cookie crumble

He told me the palm of my hand
smells like cookie dough;
I was baked for you

I bet if animals could speak,
we wouldn't get along as much

How many times do I need to say
"there are some things better left unsaid"
before you finally understand?

I'm still learning how to trust myself

Your image remains on my retina
and your touch remains on my skin

I've waited seven years
for all my cells to be replaced
but you always seem to win

I forgot my favorite poem
but I remember your grin

And only my memory knows about
the dimple on your chin

I remember the streaks in your iris

but I forget how I've been

I think I'm losing against myself
in this war within

And I'll send a lonely prayer on a winter night,
For you

I worry about you

Some nights I soak my pillow
then cry into my hands
I try to press against my cheeks as tightly as I can
and convince them that they're laughing

One time, I cried all the way to your house in a taxi,
rushed to your bed and cried on there too,
we drank smoothies that day

I worry about you
I worry and I can't tell you
I don't wanna worry you too

I wish I can look into your eyes and tell you I forgive you,
and mean it

When I'm crying,
I feel like I'm suffocating by a lump in my throat
I think my pride had made its way into my airways, hoping to be coughed out
But I don't cough it out, I keep swallowing it back in

I guess this is how it feels

I guess this is where I am

I trained my feet to keep walking it feels so weird to stop

And tomorrow's gonna be different

A different reason to smile in the morning

If you ask me how I ended up here
I'll tell you I was blindfolded
and dragged to an unfamiliar ocean
dropped on to a boat made of
cheap sheets of wood
The waves are taking me away
and I'm yelling off the top of my lungs
and everyone I know is on the sand

no one is helping me

except you

And you ask me how I'm doing
but how can I describe being trapped in a maze
I know the exit of

How do I explain what
the lump in my throat feels like?

I've gotten so used to its flavor
I'm forgetting what it tastes like

What does dignity taste like when wrapped around in fake laughter and salted with tears?

How can I tell you this
without having you think I'm asking for attention?

Maybe I am asking for attention

Attention your wallet has not learned how to afford

They call them baby steps

I'd like to think its because
babies walk slowly and unsteadily
often fall, quit, and crawl instead
and on most days,
they walk one step forward
and two steps back