I bite my fingernails
Then nervously scratch my hair

I've been in fights before
One time I punched a guy
For making fun of my neck
I pushed him against the desk
And kicked his stomach.
He never spoke to me again.
I went home crying that day
Victory never tasted so salty.

Insecurities ringing in my ears
Like the alarm on a clock

It's time
Time again

I've been in fights before
But there's only one that leaves me
On the bathroom floor
With sunken eyes
A bitter taste on my tongue
And a sandpaper feel on my teeth

I've been in fights before
None as hard
As the one against myself

What do you do
When you don't believe yourself?
Who are you, if you are more than one?

I always thought I had two hands
For a reason
As one would push against
The back of my throat
The other
Would hug my waist

I don't know who I am
The clock keeps ticking
It's time again
I don't want it to be

There are two arms in a clock
And two arms on my body

It's time
It's time again

I was writing my research
The other night
I had to explain
The conflict of interest
In my study

I forget the research doesn't care about me
The conflict of interest
Doesn't mean when I sleep all day
Miss my college classes and fail my quizes
So that no one hears what happens in the toilet
At 3:12 am

When I was in 4th grade
My friend told me her secret method for a happy life

She said she'd write down
What had made her upset
Then tear it into little pieces
And throw it away

I have no one to talk to
And my room is full of confetti
Sometimes I convince myself
That someone is cheering for me

Why is no one cheering for me?
I am skinny
I am skinny
Why is no one cheering for me?

I feel two feelings
Every day of my life
One that I have betrayed someone
The other that I have been betrayed

I'm still trying to figure out
Which
Is worse

I wraped myself around you
and prayed the skin between us
would melt,
so our hearts could finally be together

your smell haunts me
in taxis and airports,
my heart is not made
for moments like this

my ears bleed
on the Wednesdays
they play our song
on the radio
but I can't
make myself
turn it off

ever since you left
I've been taking half breaths

I want to be able to tell you
I didn't breathe a full breath
without you

You were the reason why

and I forgot that

[you are]
woven into my soul
and brain
beyond recognition

Bring your knees
as close to your chest
as you are able

but remember

fetal positions
don't turn back
time
or place

I tied my heart
into my stomach

I am done
bearing the pain
every time
it chooses
to sink

And you stroked my hair,
rested your head on my shoulder
and said:
"you make me feel
like I'm dancing on clouds,
and somehow,
I'm not falling.
But I'm afraid to,
God am I afraid to."

Shed your skin.
Stop carrying it around
on your back,
trying to remind yourself
of who you once were

Regenerating skin cells
are living proof
that the past can be
gone and forgotten