I know you
I know how you think
I know how you lust
I know how you envy
I know how you were created
I know why
It was not god or evolution
that made you
it was slavery that made you
whiteness
I know how you feel
I know how you dissociate
I know how to stop it
I know someday you will understand
why it had to be stopped
whiteness

never catch me alive
in so many ways
I have tried to lose my old selves
to leave them behind
shedding skin
I’ve tried to get it ****** up
leave it behind
on the dance floor
I’ve tried secretly
pawing off
my old selves
to innocent bystanders
relationships
with the lost night
it comes back in my sleep
in my dreams
it says I am still here
nice try
you’ll never catch me alive
regenerative self destruction
shows up again
old self
like everything is cool
of course I laugh and snuggle it
like familiar fire
I saw you conspiring
with my old selves
against me new
so I got rid of you too
never catch me alive

am I not conforming yet?
am I finally an outcast
can you please let me out of whiteness
did I offend it too much to be accepted anymore
is my demand for humanity contagious
are you scared of it spreading yet
why are you still listening
to the voice in your mind that is reading?
confused
angry
desperate
you should have killed all the others
you should have been more strict
more brutal with your laws
whiteness should have been more violent with its punishment
more relentless
unforgiving with its shaping of humanity
It should have been more incestuous
whiteness should have kept its privates in its pants
if whiteness wanted too survive
it should have fought harder
Whiteness should have kept its language secret
It should have invested in privacy and security and insurance even more
if whiteness wanted to survive
but if whiteness wanted to dissipate and fail
its doing perfect

make America great again!
make whiteness human again
we love you!

The natives knew
how to only ****
certain things
Regenerative
Now everyone
is going to ****
each other
P.s.
this is metaphor
And literal

ever since
I became mixed race
instead of being human
you think you can choose
whether
to consider me black or white
but your choice
is based on boundaries
of white supremacy
demanding that to be black
is to have been a slave
but we conquered slavery
made white supremacy the fool
so I guess it proved black supremacy
by accident
but it is not our purpose
to be more supreme
than humanity

If I did not play drums
furiously
climb cliffs recklessly
risk it all
or too much
confronting authority
of whiteness
unarmed
If I didn’t have love
poetry
writing
I would have killed all
white supremacy by now
undone the police
made whiteness blackness
If I didn’t have love
my implosion
would destroy the earth
just to cleanse it
of fascist ******* whiteness
If I did not spill my soul
every moment
of every time
If I did not have love

because I have a love affair with trees
the risk is intimate
each one standing
I remember
each chunk
each piece I remember
I feel
the dust in my eyes burning
the razor sharp chain
spinning in my hands
I push them where I want them to go
they are forgiving because its me
they love me and I love them
I do it for them
They are my master
the ground
their roots make me take action
to relish in their lifetimes
longer than mine
It is for the natives
these trees they would have had cut
for a long time
so I intimately interact with these trees
so that I may replenish
what was taken
and restore what evolution
organic intelligence is
how long did you think
you could keep us dissociating
the nativity of God

Other than the remnants
I leave behind for my daughter
I am nothing anymore
I am not fear or the pain after it
I do not feel the same I used to
That innocence I could feel inside
when I least expected it is no more
I do not want anyone looking in my eyes anymore
I want to take myself away
from a relentlessly resilient society to humanity

Why is sorrow so heavy?
It puts its anchor down
stuck
And no one can seem to find where the anchor dropped
No one can figure out how to get it back up
It is confusing
But don't be confused about sorrow
Happiness is much more confusing
Try and come with a final answer all day
Happiness is still killing us all slowly
Decomposition

the complex social problems that exist
manifest
when death is not being witnessed
by bombings and starvation

I died of anger
at the point which
poetry finds you
abstraction saves you
you could never
enter the violet night
concealing the moon
like violence does you
you always say poetry
like you are accomplished
accommodated
no one knows
what will happen
that is why
you accept gravity
light

“Oh good you are here!”
The child was was being scolded when I walked in
“can you tell him why he should not use the N word?”
Can I get time and a half
Actually can I get worker’s comp?
Do you mind if I put my jacket down first
and my coffee
“It keeps repeating in my head”
the white kid says with his thumb in his mouth
smiling to the side in some spaced out ecstasy
the child enjoying the power he has gained in this interaction
My entrance into the school interrupted
Ok so I explained what the word actually means and what it came to mean
why it hurts me
the nightmares of my father being tortured by peers in school and their families and friends
Confederate flag molotovs
I would put under their beds
the resting place of this putrid confidence
the one that they call now
reality that is the future already when they say now
and the future is at first now before it is already the past
you cannot just open your ****** mouth and describe the future
and look at me with expectations
as if I don’t notice how far gone into the past
you have become in your communication
and in doing this
a defense and assumption of white supremacy being the generator of value
but experience of being human is most valuable
whiteness is inorganic

I know how much
you want me to see whiteness
I can feel your demand of whiteness
the pressure
believe me
the pressure has caused me
to explode more than all bombs
in all wars combined
intimidating
whiteness strength in numbers
disappears
like a terrible magic trick
exposing fraudulent behavior
humanity boo’s whiteness off the stage
yet it thinks its winning

the trick to efficient communication
is secretly wanting to die
this ensures honesty and clarity

poem on paper put through the wash

it was something about
organs playing the sound of skin
like lungs play the sound of breathing
heart the sound of blood
etc.
and of course it was my best poem yet
it was going to make me rich and famous
it was going to change the way
people imagine the purpose of skin
forever
all of the sudden
Americans
would be consistently human
instead of imagining white supremacy
in sleeping life dream
or arguing and agreeing
within the confines of
trick pseudo dialectical
***** **** *** festival
the skin is an *****
not a concept
for genocide to play with
distance is yelling
"you cannot patent blackness"
echo is yelling
"you cannot patent blackness"
nature is yelling
"you cannot patent nature"

I know you think this poem is for you
whiteness
but it is not
it is dedicated to the human
after being killed for being not white
that is who my poetry is for
to raise the dead
that urgency
the sheer brutality
of something related to whiteness
that has been very hard to change
while we bleed to death
no matter how good we are
reincarnate

semantics chewed you up
and spit out your bones

Words
the destruction of reality
So be gentle
your communication

declare war on white supremacy
or I am not speaking to you anymore

when the reparations get sent out
direct deposit
what have you
I want double
for having to hear the worst of whiteness
trying to get me to relate with racism
double for having to try and mix
with whiteness
impossible
no one will ever know how hard I tried

White extinction
As gentle as genocide allows
These words to mate
With your mind
Slipping through moist eyes
Organic soul
please pause rejection
It is possible to go extinct
Without taking humanity
Into a consensus
Started in 1790
Stripping ethnicities club
Hypodecent hypocrites
Impossible to be inclusive
Hell on earth
White flag surrender
Absence of color please reflect
Humans are color
All of them
Vengeance asks gently
One last time
To mate with your mind
A fairy tale of apocalypse
The world cannot sustain
Otherwise
Modified cruise ships
Enslaving extinct whiteness
Caucasus imagined
Rebuilding native Africa
Asian orders power
Central African bank
Gentle regenocide
Leading humanity
Away from extinction
Gentle genocide is not sacred

I don’t know how
She makes me feel this way
All buttery melting
Through the holes
Of my toasted sourdough
Licking my fingers
******* my face clean
Faceless ecstasy
In between
her body and emotions
Hiding from escape

nativity roars in silence
drowning out
the sounds of whiteness
calming violence

Why are you holding that sign in the woods?
(Black lives matter more than white lives sign)
What do you mean?
Oh yeah
well
because nature listens
“it does?”
yes
white people show anger
and its not an angry topic
its biological
it is nature qualm with a group of people
I have enough to focus on
I am fully occupied with evolving
nature
with its elements
it changes and directs humans
nature is the shepherd
not white Jesus
In the woods there are no death threats
Dont get me wrong I would love to fight about it
that is natural
nature encourages it
But today I would rather the wind blowing through the leaves
The birds agreement
the hum of the river
the drones above me
that wont leave me alone
the majority of humanity that is waiting for my cue
to overthrow corruption
to replace it with the happiness and freedom of chaos

her dog was licking my face
she said,
"wow, usually my dog does not like men."
"I have a secret."
I whispered,
"I am not a man."

wishing well tributaries
underground oceans
into the sky
back down
as rain
in the cold
it slows
to perfection

Happiness is furious
With how it’s represented
Competition of dissociative
Laughing smiles
Rubbing it in
Lavishing leisure
afforded from genocide
Small talk and celebrate
Coercive society
Happiness is furious
That we can find beauty
In its destruction
That we throw so much
Away into decomposition
While starvation decomposes
While we compose synthesize
Ourselves to act normal
Radical structure of intimacy
On a genocidal basement
Happiness is furiously
Unraveling corruption

my message is not as easily dismissed
Minimized and catagorized
Like the stereo type of black profanity
Black music rap hip hop
I refuse to be isolated and sent off to the prison
Of white elitism trickled down into poor white persons
Pure White Island boasting made up origins
Aristocratic dream
Having only an absolute ending
My words come from light skin
The honors class war on insides of white institution
My words come from within the confines
The razor wire fences of whiteness
beyond premeditated
Pre-infiltrated always looking for the harshest
Most efficient
Most direct ways to declare
Unflinchingly whipped and slaughtered and *****
in any order
domesticated international doom
I find myself constantly surprised
By the reserve and compassion of criticizing whiteness
Even in weapon yielding
Terrorism
Mild and peaceful by comparison
Black think tanks beyond slave based Ivy League colleges
Centralized Africa dissolving the black made white efficient
To sustain slavery
Or the after effects genocide on bravery
those depths of imperialism
where outsourcing of labor massacres
Starves and destroys humanity
All of the sudden
With enough funding to make whiteness
By design
language history engineering sociology philosophy business
To make American whiteness the underdog
Not enslaved like blackness has been
Not the priority without its historical purity
Not the reason for existence
Or the beneficiary of human harvest
Malevolent adventure story that captured
The imagination and focus of leisure
Taking advantage of poor light skinned ethnicities
white American Feminist
in a sweatshop with women making her clothing

My life crumbled back into time
For this experience
How many senses can I handle at once
Keeping ahead of objectified intelligence
A wave consuming
I saw it break

I love the questions she asks
With her unquestionable beauty

Entitled
I have light skin
I was merely trying
To relate
When in Rome
When in white
I know I’m pretending
Taking advantage
Of suffering
Do you?
Militant accumulation
My father
stayed away from
Forcing
Others to bleed
Peace
Fingers guitar
Instead of trigger
Grammy nominee
My family slaughtered
Education to forget
Where children came from
Missionary positions
****** innocence
Human dignity
Transgender mixed race foreigner

I need to be enough
As is
Overwhelmingly enough
I won’t be the society of genocide
I won’t dissociate from humanity
I won’t fall in love
Inside of genocide
I will not smile within genocide
Play in it and laugh with you
I do not enjoy the sounds it makes
I know how to restore us
I know how to destroy
While having fun and being free
I love Beauty but it is in me
Seriously
Letting go
Before reincarnation turns me down
Too

Whiteness has been following me
my whole life
everything I do
now I am finally
preying on whiteness
keeping track of it
like J edgar hoover
salivating over Jack Johnson’s ****
like miscegeny laws
holding whiteness accountable
nothing but impunity and disassociation
******* each other
insured genocide
reckless exposure
talking with you about whiteness
is like negotiating with genocide

Because the snow is soft
The heart is thinking
The flakes are shimmering
The sound of worry muffled
Doubt is quiet
The heart is silently beating
Stylish stalagmites
Decomposition sleeps
To create space
For momentum
To thrive

You want to look good
While colonialism
Shakes it’s fist
Shakes it’s tail
The coolest colonist
High five take a shot
Blended to the top
Feel good colonial *******
Leaving humanity behind
Stylish like fathomless
Surprising non stop
Never predicted
Happy new year
Old old ****** up colonists
You will feel it
In the end
Then destroy it all

The damage is deep from racism
The destructive path of constrcuting whiteness
constructing race based slavery
How much depth can I show you?
Education needs to be like a nuclear bomb set to detonate out of spite without telling anyone
Then telling everyone you still really love them while kissing their forehead and clammy cheeks

Things the government does not want you to know...
Whiteness
is a mental illness

I have light skin in the winter
But I’m blacker than the worst stereotypes still
I stare blankly for too long at dark skinned people
Hoping they will question me
I stare at light skinned people
Who might call themselves white
Hoping they feel uncomfortable
About this black soul
Staring at them
There’s the answer we were missing
We weren’t just kissing
It was more than that
So we took over the world
Then gave it black

God is decolonization
God is decomposition
God has never been
Never will be White
God is not a social construction
God is anti imperialism
God is by any means necessary
God infiltrated whiteness

been so long we started thinking otherwise
looking forward
when our backs have gone
thought that birth was proving humans to you
thought that we could

and as Im holding my sign that says
“black lives matter more than white lives”
black families cheer and beep
a white man with his family in a pick up truck
yells out
your mother should have had an abortion
I yell back
she did 
before me
because her mother said she would disown her
I was after that 
next
and then I killed him in front of Academy of music with a ski mask on 
in front of  bernie supporters
and a bunch of street lights

no such thing as nature poems
until this racist ****
social contruction fades away

When I was finally free
Of the fangs of white supremacy
I would not have chose
To blend in fumbling inside
Artificial intelligence
Confidence in dissociation
Momentous flesh
I would have found the natives
Free from liberty to keep
The abuse of our private parts
In legally privacy
Licking lips of lust of liberty
*** trading liberty
I would have thrived happily
Blissful with natives
Holding humanity down in freedom
Underground Railroad
Pockets of freedom
Slicing through the blood thirst
Liberty
I would have never mated
With the illusion of innocence
Hidden in the hell
Of white supremacy
I would have kept the dignity
Of organic intelligence
Breathing on fire
If you touch your own heart
The answers are inside

my dad made a song called Elan
he named me Elan
so this poem is called dad 
I named my dad 
my dad is black
i was born that way
when I was little and white kids inquired about my skin tone
i would ask my dad why
my dad says of course you are black 
they don’t know your black? 
he says and raises his eyebrows
smirks
then when I am older
society asks me why I exist 
then it tries to deny it of me
just as it does him 
still
my dad says you are not black 
you try and act like you had a hard childhood
like I did
I say no I do not
I had a different childhood 
I came from your childhood
I said to him
In me you instilled the childhood you hate
and the childhood you love
mixing me with whiteness 
so forever I would have to experience the extremes
no one that ever came inside whiteness
knows my father like I do
but my role to him is why he thinks he made me
it is not what I actually am
the excess of a dangerous brutal genocidal war
called colonial pretend your not indigenous anymore
and white day
celebrated by people all around the world everyday

Once I stopped crying
gained my composure
in this decomposition of whiteness
I could think it through
what it was
what it is that hit me 2 hours later
while driving
I should have pulled over
all pedestrians became blurry
I wiped my tears away
the way the girlfriend
black and human
watched her boyfriend bleeding to death
with a gun still aimed at him
shaking violently
the gun that is
the white officer holding it
the white t shirt with the blood
I remember going over my handlebars
on my bike at a park
called Look Park
these old white ladies couldn’t here us yelling we were coming
I steered clear and sacrificed myself
they were like the treasure of whiteness
not only white
but for a long time too
I hit a stone wall
it gashed my chin open
my brothers were telling me
"we can see your bone”
My black father took his white t shirt off
he was stopping the blood
none of the park patrol stopped
an excessive amount of time
I remember their eyes as they pretended not to see us
what is making it hardest for me
to remain at all complacent
(not revolting to death, reincarnation)
is the adaptation of the black girlfriend
to the lethally threatening situation of whiteness
the calmness and grace
the persuasion in her voice
its strength without the shakiness
of the white officers gun
the selflessness and desperation
of keeping her composure
that black girlfriend
sharing her experience with me
she needs me to grab the gun from that officer
she needed me
she needed us to surround them
those officers need to be killed
death penalty happens to innocent black people all day everyday
death penalty needs to be used
just for the sake of proximity
to a death of a black person
we need social work
for what we have been through
not shaky violent
white hands with guns
killing us in private
and over social media

Listen beautiful difference
Privilege
Private ledge
To jump from
No bottom to land
Become used wisely
Our thoughts
Given to make
I’m in love

Next time you say you are white

become the fascist
Forcing ethnicity into a clean slate
Don’t hold back
Even one bit
No common cure
For this mental illness
So **** it
Miseducate youth
Imprison the sick
With diminished resources
Redistribute wealth
Stay out of the sun
Unless vacationing wildly
Don’t let your parents
Or your ancestors
Mix their ethnicities
Make a white brick wall
In your mind
When we try to get in
Drag you out into
The black reality
Black Death
Not the intellectual
Not objectified kind
Not the white body
constitutional agreement
Empty beauty for the indulgence of lust
Insisted on emptied ethnicity
deported hero forgotten
A new race to find those words
The combinations that tip apathy over
Spill it over undercover white fascists
Drowning in empathy
Desperate to change immediately