ever since
I became mixed race
instead of being human
you think you can choose
whether
to consider me black or white
but your choice
is based on boundaries
of white supremacy
demanding that to be black
is to have been a slave
but we conquered slavery
made white supremacy the fool
so I guess it proved black supremacy
by accident
but it is not our purpose
to be more supreme
than humanity

excess happiness

overwhelming sadness
to embarrassment
frustration
to embarrassment again
forgiveness
it does not make sense
to those around me
so I would rather bury
bury
bury
my overwhelming sadness
to not have to
convince
impress
prove
that I can move past
beyond
away from
the first time I saw her
but actually
it was the first time
Ive ever been seen
and my heart
with all its will
it became
as if vulnerable
took over the world
all of the sudden
existence
feeling
experience
love
the first and only time
she would ever prove
impress
upon me
the invincible human being
that we are the same
I will miss you
no matter how close
no matter how far
without dissociation
I do what matters most
I will have to be reborn
opportunities to sense
new feelings
forever
but I will still miss you
rebirth after rebirth
rebirth before rebirth
the first time I had a purpose
meaning
feeling
not
negating stutus quo
or agreeing to be it
Im sorry that I allowed you
to have this journey
I hope you can be strong
I know you can
I love you
more than anything
always could
express my sensitivity
creatively
impressively
gracefully
terrified
now
when my sensitiveness
is pouring out of me
for all to see
like a heart
without
a body
expressionless
cold
crying
mourning
after a lucid nightmare
and you are no where
the sadness is crippling
but I should be healed
at the least
do what is expected
further overwhelmed
unstoppable
in vulnerable’s world
sadness is the ruler

I fight for you
You fight me so kindly
I love it so carefully
You could never sneak behind me
Even choose to support condemnation of grief
interrupting mourning
for a night of sleep too soon
The sunset
never looked like any of your paintings
Yet the sunset is not enough
The rise has to be rough
when smiles raise dimples so violent and bright
If mesmerized we burn through the night

insecure
is why we do
what we do
that is why we are vulnerable

does anyone else
notice that there are no natives
around
close enough
on waking up
I bet you think this poem is about you
who knows the plants?
the trees?
who can speak to nature
and make agreements with it?
who signed the organic peace treaties?
organic contracts
who tried torturing ethnicities
into demanding to the death
they are in the state of whiteness?
You do not understand how lost
unsafe
vulnerable
insecure
until you call for help
out of desperation
echoing!
into nativeless derangement
you were wrong
about being able to control nature
and there is nothing you know
that is organic that can renegotiate
the organic peace treaty

vacationland
but since little kid listening
intently
growing
they taught me
there was nothing
no beauty
before being set free
from slavery
I lived side by side with this
but where I was taken from
where my people live
is the most sought after
beautiful places in the world
the comfort of a repeating sun
equator
the *** and blue ocean
the warm oceans and sand
smoothing out differences
those islands used for sugar plantations
loved by kings and queens
traded us for *** and sugar
to slave ship owners
in New England
tell the children that you do not need
to be isolated in the factory of America
you don’t need to change it
your land where skin became dark
all day everyday
is the most beautiful
worth while place to be

I’ve exhausted to excess
the language
of the social construction
of whiteness
which is simulataneously
sugarcoating
the goodness of blackness
with the evil of pure white
the missionary of evil
*** death triangle reruns
on West Indies news
origin of criminality
putrid impunity
dissociative disorder
and the villain
to a great great hero
called the blackness
of humanity
which is inexhaustible
strength
laughter
and kindness
oceans
mercy
severity
beauty
love
***
origins
stability
shores
and sustainability