"He'll never be yours...."
"Never truly" she says
"in the ways that you need.."
and I agree...
yet I explain
"he's sun in the windowless cell"
"the break in the clouds when it has been raining for days"
"that warm sunny day in the middle of snow"
"he's what I hang on to when there's no place to go"
"he's the one human being that I feel in my soul"
So in a way...
He's already mine.....

wouldn't you say?

E.J.M.

I sit here missing you..
So very much
Wishing I could change things.  
But I can't
All I can I do is miss you while my heart breaks

E.J.M.

We may never have morning....
I accept that...
We must both do what's right for us...
We do two separate plans and hope there's still room for us in the end...
You don't want to lose me to someone else and I don't want to share you anymore....
All we can do is what's right for us individually....
on our separate paths in our own lives...
we can love this way forever....

But we'll never see morning....

E.J.M.

What a perfect mouth on that perfect face...
Flawless pressed against my skin. ..
My version of heaven....
Adoring parts of me...
A simple mouth that shatters me to pieces...
I fall at your feet...
That smile that lights my world on fire.
God gave you such a perfect mouth....
Such perfect words you speak..
They make my heart smile.
the roughness upon those lips...
the fervent kisses lighting across the small of my neck...
you know every inch of me...
I miss you even before you're gone...
You devour me absolutely. ..
Does she feel the same?

E.J.M.

You are my drug. ..
My high...
So high. ..
Now you've got me crashing. ..
The lowest low I've ever known...
The disapointment is so palpable I could cut it with a knife...
You failed me on this one...
We've all got our demons...
Somehow your mine...

E.J.M.

In the Pouring rain...
As the wind blows...
Lightning flashes in the darkest indigo sky...
These are the moments I'm consumed by you....

In the sunny heat of the day...
Floating in a cerulean pool...
Sipping a Pina colada...
These are the moments that I miss you...

In the dark of the night...
With the window open...
As I curl up in my cornflower sheets...
These are the moments that you cross my mind...

In the rising dawn...
At 3 am ...
The silent waking hours...
These are the moments when I wonder where you are...

In a crowded room...
Full of laughter with people I love...
Enjoying life...
These are the moments that I wish you were here....

I think of you in all the moments of my life....

E.J.M.

That moment when the light catches your eyes. ...
You are all that I see....

E.J.M.

I've never been undone...
Until you...
And we've never been done....
Because of you...
I never thought I'd come undone....
Because you love her

E.J.M.

In a different time...
In a different place..
In a different world...
Maybe.....

E.J.R.M.

You're the only person that I've never had to fight for....
You've never asked me to prove anything. ..
You take me at face value....
I've never had to qualify my love for you. ..
You always come back....

I'm bonded to who you are with me...

E.J.M.

Not knowing is the hardest part...
The hardest part of us...
Not knowing if we'll ever speak again. ..
Not knowing if we are over. ..
Not knowing how you are. ..
How you feel...
Just empty space now...

E.J.M.

I'm not your plaything. ..
To be put on a shelf...
For a rainy day.
I breathe and I hurt...
I Miss and I long for you...
And you show up. .. when I'm almost gone. ..
I don't want to play anymore. ....
Because I keep crying and you keep leaving.....

E.J.M.

There are so many things on this bucket list of yours and mine...
I want to do them all with you..
We do these crazy things to be together. ..
Go to Ridiculous lengths...
just to see you for 10 minutes. ..
and then we're gone again...
but you always make it better.
make my day perfection...
just that smile..
so we check off these bucket list items each time I see you...
standing in the woods with you is my favorite place...
I want to do everything with you...

E.J.M.

That's the thing about pain...
It demands to be felt...

John Green

The fever I feed in you..
The pieces I protect...
The windows to your soul...
The darkness....
The fever pitch...
Your highest high...
Your lowest low..
I gather the pieces to paint a portrait of who you are...
Of who you are to me...
We are pieces of each other....
Some reflect mirror image desires
Others completely divergent....
We are pieces... millions of pieces combined in a life
Two people that fit spaces that others can't
You are just pieces of me fit together differently....

E.J.M.

Aren't we all just pieces of someone else?
Some sense memory.. tied in to memories..
Snippets of previous interactions?
The way you walk reminds someone of someone else...
The way your eyes light up...
Someone saw that same sparkle..in another place and time... on another person.
We are ourselves completely....
But to someone else... we are merely pieces...
Some sense memory of someone else...
That they use to know..

E.J.M.

This love affair was never to be...
I can't love you...
I can't allow these tears to fall...
Because he would know I cry for you....
For us and what will never be...
We live as strangers... pretending not to know eachother..
I see you and her together and wonder if she knows I'm still around...
I'm unblocked and I wonder what you or her needed to see...
were you stalking me again?
You appear as someone I might know...
I'm not sure that I do anymore...


E.J.M.

On days like this...
I can almost pretend that you are mine...
I can almost forget that she exists...

E.J.M.

All that copper skin...
You're so pretty...
Those **** topaz eyes...
So perfectly pretty. ..
Your raven hair...
Intoxicatingly pretty...
when I'm with you..
Is it any wonder you make me feel pretty?

E.J.M.

The reality of us is that we are going different directions to accomplish the same life....
We live separately but love jointly. ..
I'd like to believe that we loved for a reason.
I'd like to believe that one day we have a real chance at love with ourselves.
I don't know if that is a reality for us...
One day I'll see you again and will love you the same...
But I hope for a different outcome.
I miss your face...
And I carry your heart in my heart...
Until reality sets in....
E.J.M.

Where You are..
Where I am...
Headed in separate directions....
At different times, on different days...
Our lives intersect ever so briefly....
A fleeting moment...
A whispering chance....
The briefest collision.
Eye contact made...words spoken
We divide
again.
Go our separate ways.....
never knowing when we intersect again.

My skin starts tingling at the sound of your voice....
My stomach drops out like on a roller coaster...
My face gets red...
I get hot all over....
breathless. ..
all from the sound of your voice...
This isn't really a pleasant feeling.....
Very overwhelming....
My feelings for you written plainly on my face....

E.J.M.

you always tell me pretty words to make us seem real..
offer up plans that we'll do that never come thru..
The one days, the maybes , the promises...
you are a spawner of hope..
Giving up lies that have never been asked...
I understand why you do it...
you make this grandiose romance..
Star crossed lovers..
Romeo & Juliet...
but...
I know what we are...
I know how this ends...
I know where we're going ..
no picket fences..
no happy endings..
no forevers...
just day by day...
moment by moment..
kiss by fleeting kiss..
just here & now..
I take you as you are without the pretty lies...
what 's that say about me?

E.J.M.

I'm here...
But you aren't. .
And I can cry all my tears...
But you still aren't here. .
And you'll never know ...
I'll keep crying...

E.J.M.

I feel so safe with you....
Not sure why because you are frought with danger...
As I breathe you in I feel at home....
Laying in your arms... I feel the strength of you...
Little kisses on my shoulder....
Your Hands On My waist....
I love you in these moments....
I love you catching me...

E.J.M.

You were the only person I've never tried to save...
That says a lot about you and a lot about me...
We've NEVER Been us...
We've never been free to be anything more than what we are.
I've never wanted to save you...
You can do that yourself...
Just maybe I'm waiting for you to save me.
Or we can save each other.
You taught me that a relationship is two people bettering ourselves.
I believe you.
I'm waiting for us to better ourselves.  
For us to get away and  be us.
To have a shot, one chance.  
That's it... our saving grace

E.J.M.

I do this because it is the only thing I do for me....
My most selfish moments are spent with you....

E.J.M

I don't need to see you everyday to love you...
I love you more than that .
I don't need to speak to you daily...
I can love you the way we are...
This isn't enough...
But it is
I love you deeply...
Deeper than the selfish need of having you here..
Love this giving is more than you and I

E.J.M.

Sunlight filters in....
I'm awash in a glow...
Writing on sense memory...
Writing of things long ago...
Memories burned in... hard to make them fade...
What once was... isn't anymore. ..
Memories are what remain...
Be careful who you make memories with...
They linger long after the actual events....

E.J.M.

A fortunate happenstance.....

crying, screaming, driving....
paying no mind to anyone...
and suddenly I see your smile..
I could only stare..
I rolled my window down to hear you...
You asked me to pull over & talk...
From that moment on..
I've followed you everywhere...
I gave you my card & you promised to call...
Not a day that goes by
since our chance meeting have I stopped thinking of you.
You are my serendipity...
You came in my life at the worst moment...
You came shining in & stealing my heart...
months passed & we soaked up eachother...
learning every detail of our lives..
colors and coffee & eggs..
Steaks, showers &  tattoos....
Mexican & heat & woods...
then there was nothing...
just absence of space..
A void that you left in the hole in my chest...


And when you are gone...
I miss you so much...
Until I look up and see you driving next to me again...

E.J.M.

*** is such a driving force with us...somehow I can't get enough of you... Your touch, your kiss ,the smile on your lips...I'll always drive to see you because I can't get enough of you... it's always worth the drive...drive for an hour to spend 10 minutes with you... It's always worth it... Those 10 minutes spent staring at your face mean the world to me... Such a *** drive... I just drove by one of our places and it brings back memories of all the times we've been there... And I still continue to drive... Nothing is changed I love you the same... And I'll just keep driving ....did you drive me insane?

E.J.M.

The things you do in life are insignificant. ...
Do them anyway....

E.J.M.

We make this harder than it is....
All the turns and twists of us...

The intricacies of the lives we live...
The parts that don't fit into our world...

The simplicity of us
is this....

I love you and you love me

There's so much more and so much less...
But in the end, this is why we are....

The how we are...
The where we are...

It all comes back to that moment that I loved you....
And the moment you wanted to hear it....

It could all be so simple....

E.J.M.

I rarely cry for you... for us...
But my heart is breaking. ..
And you aren't here....
And I'm sobbing. ... even after all these years. ..

E.J.M.

That look...
This relationship that has gone on for years...
The other half of me...
our souls meet...
And I finally recognized that in you...
This draw of the deepest parts of who you are combined with me...
Our souls ... and I'll love you always...
In this way
My soulmate...
My soul met years ago and never realized the beauty of you

E.J.M.

Darkest purple dawning...
Brilliant stars beginning to fade...
That quiet before daybreak. ..
The birds beginning to wake...

I sit and think of you...
I think of us...
I wonder how you are?

In the quietest time of the day...
My head is the loudest...
When no one is around and silence surrounds me....
My head fills with thoughts of you...

That beautiful indigo glow on the horizon. ..
I wish you were here.... I always wish you were here.....
in the silence. ...

E.J.M.

You came in softly....
Stealing in unexpectedly.
You got me to fall...
Two broken people.. needing each other to help mend the damage that others had done.
I fell hard for who I thought you were.
The you that spoke to my heart..
But then it changed...
You were stealing right from me as I handed you everything.
Behind closed doors you helped yourself to my stuff...
I meant so little...
What a shock to know that you were really good at stealing.
I'm done.
Take from someone else.

E.J.M.

What if I said stop?
What if I said that I can't anymore???
If I turned and walked away???
If I never took your call again?

Would it matter?
Would you notice?
Would things change?

Stop....

I think of all that would mean ...
I need you more than you need me...
I wonder how long we will go on....

I may never say Stop...
I miss talking to you every day....
Your **** words echo in my heart...



Stop....

E.J.M.

how strange I feel when you touch me... It's like you're here with me, but you're not ..you seem so far away... Wish we could stay this way forever, and every time you're here ....we go again... I can't fathom why we do this... Longing to see you.. I can feel my heart breaking yet I can't stop missing you...  never ending ongoing tumultuous events... I feel we should stop but I can't... So I just keep loving you until you break me...

E.J.M.

We are complete strangers living separate lives...
I don't know what you did this weekend...
what you ate for breakfast this morning..
If you feel sad..
I know so very little about your life...
I don't know if you slept poorly last night..
had a bad day...
I don't know any day to day details anymore about who you are.

I still know who you are inside tho...
I know what makes you tick..
makes you happy..
I know your need to be adored..
I know your heart and how it sounds inside your chest...
The rise and fall of your breath..
I know your eyes when they catch mine ...
how they look when you say I love you...
How your smile melts my heart...
I don't think we can really be strangers ever again...

E.J.M.

The smile lights my world...
You across the parking lot..
Whistling at me.
Me blushing.
Our playful bantering...
It's gone..
You are stunning, fierce, loving,  gorgeous and beautiful.
I could watch you work for days...
That smiles gone...
That smile that was just for me...
Where did it fade to?
You're still stunning but cold...
I'm here frozen with the heartbreak of it...

I just want your smile back...

E.J.M.

Tuesday came... and I saw you...
Beautiful as ever..hard and ****..
I looked at you..you ignored me for the first time ever..
It felt like a slap in the face..
My playful lover, gone away..
And I froze up
I forgot what to say...
How to say it...
Maybe if I'd said something I wouldn't be writing this poem about my frozen heart...
I walked away.
It's what you wanted.  
I took my caught feelings and did exactly as you wanted.
I made it easy for you... because I love you.
This isn't what I want... I didn't say it..
I said nothing...
All frozen and numb... wanting desperately to flee from you...
Someone two days ago I couldn't wait to kiss..
You pulled that stone around you and pushed me out of a speeding bus...
My hands were shaking,  breath catching in my throat, voice catching there too...
You let me walk away..
I should have said something...
Though a day later... after hours of pondering...
I still don't know what ....
would it have mattered?

E.J.M.

I taste so good against your lips...
Taste me again

E.J.M.

The bluest sky...
The greenest trees..
The silver glint on your ears catches fire in the burning sun..
Your topaz eyes shimmery as they meet mine.
The blackest coal of your hair ruffled by the wind..
All I see is you..
The Sienna skin...
You are in technicolor in front of me..
I just want to touch you forever....
Like this..
In radiant color

E.J.M.

I almost don't want to answer your call...
But maybe you won't call anymore. .
I'm always here and you never are....
Please don't call...
I don't have it in me to not answer....
I love you too much. ..
I want to be done because my heart is breaking. ..please love her...
Just her

E.J.M.

It isn't about the outcome...
It's about the time in between. .
I love you so much and always have..
To bridge that distance..
I'm so afraid of saying how I feel about you to you..
I haven't stopped thinking of you yet...
I wonder what your doing now that I've left...
And I'm counting days to November. .
I just want to see you again alone.. without all this space
I want to take the chance to know you differently...
I want that chance more than anything. ..
I hope I get this chance to love you more..
no matter the outcome

E.J.M.

I can't un know what I know about you...
I still feel sad about the knowledge though...

E.J.M.

In a world of dreams and might have beens...
You are the door that shuts out all future wishes...
The slamming door that locks me here in futility

E.J.M.

This isn't about material...
It's about the inside..
I like your heart...
I like the courage I see in you..
the goodness in your eyes...
the strength there...
for what you've overcome...
it makes me smile to see that...
the heart of you...
that tough yet fragile part...
and I know that you can make it...
because it's who I believe that you are...

E.J.M.

I am not magical... although I try.
Some days I'm really quite human..
I break and I cry..
But I get back up and fight..
I may lay silently crying in bed at night thinking of the things that went wrong with us...
But I get up the next day and smile despite it all.
I can't afford to fall apart.
So I continue on.
I find the funness of life...
With or without you.
Knowing that you never cared anyway.
You risked our love for 3.33....
That's a slap in the face...
But there's no time to break..
I have to keep going even though this hurts me unbearably.
I just can't understand the lies and the deceit.
I can be magical through it all.
there's a need for that in this harsh world.

E.J.M.