The breeze tickles my skin...
I'm reminded of your breath by my ear
The golden orb above heats my shoulders...
Reminiscent of your hands....
Listening to the wooded sounds. .. I think of you here...
As I gaze down your path..I wonder where it leads
The other way is mine...
Two paths to one location....
To come here over and over again yet not know the details by now...
Reminiscent of loving you...
All this time. .thinking I know the details of you yet not knowing anything of your path...
Anything of your day to day. ..
Who you really are...
What you really want....
I only know what you show me...
You whisper I love you...
I know that we do...
Yet there's that other path...

E.J.M.

I Want To Forget I'm Missing you...
Want to curl up and cry....
On a day with rain. ..
forget that you ever came...
Forget the lies you told...
forget my heart in all its pieces. ...
just lay curled up in sobbing brokeness. ..
Trying to forget the essence of you in my life...
I'm waiting for rain...

E.J.M.

Moments ticking...
Time goes by...
I dream of dawn... orange red glow on the horizon. ..
Wind blowing. .
Fragile petals falling. ..
Caught in the breeze. ..
That sense of weightless falling. ..
That loss of control. ..
Decisions that are out of my hands...
The greenest grass..
The bluest skies...
That whipping wind...
I feel you in it...
Waiting for words that will never come. ..
Sun on my shoulders. ..
That flicker of sadness. .
A meloncholy nostalgic feel of you...

E.J.M.

You asked me to come...
So I did....
You left me standing there alone. ..
How long does one wait for their love?
I can't be expected to stay here all day. ..
Waiting on a hope and a memory. ..
How long would you leave me here?
I waited and you never came...
The sadness overcomes me...
Physically,  I left..
But internally. .. I'm still standing here...

Waiting for you.....

E.J.M.

The trouble with us...
We could already be over and I wouldn't even know...

E.J.M.

Loving you away...
While knowing I can't have you
Hoping always. ...
Anyway I can...
Despite the knowledge. ..
Despite the truth of us...
That sad feeling that settles on me in your absence. ..
Some days it weights on me a little more

E.J.M.

If this was love.... I'd wake up kissing your face....
I'd know throughout the day. ..
There wouldn't be this space. ...
This hole. ..
This heart wrench in my soul....
I sit here for weeks and weeks...
For what?
Waiting for you to love me?
Love me like you love her?
I need to go.......

E.J.M.

I spoke of you today..
My chest got tight and I wanted to cry..
I never speak of you..
There's no one to listen... or to understand
Someone asked today...
And I spoke of you for real...
Of us and how we were...
It was strange and tight in my heart. ..
To have kept silent so long..
Never speaking and to suddenly open up felt strange. ..
That tightness in my chest still remains

E.J.M.

Time.....
Such a strange concept. ...
One of which I had no concept of before you....
Now every moment counts. ..
Every ticking second. ..

One too late and I miss you....

that grasping of sands in an hour glass.
Halting THE falling....
Trying to gather them up in my hands.....
I can watch as time fades away. ..
Our time is few.....
Seconds ticking off.....

can't ask you to stay. ....

E.J.M.

Glinting amber topaz...
Ebony orbs...
black satin lashes....
against sepia skin...

you look into me...

I've never seen such undescribable color...
The rawness mirrors your intensity....
So dangerously intoxicating...
treacherously forbidden....

I drown in you....

Our gaze locks...
I'm done in moments...
Drawn to the darkest parts ....
of you against me...

The henna sparkle...
Topaz shimmer....
Promising me destruction....
Feelings that I've never known....

Only to come back again...

E.J.M.

I want to trace the curve of your lips...
with my own..
explore your rounded earlobes with my teeth..
the metallic of your earrings in my mouth..
and feel you exhale against my jaw...
The salt on the skin of your neck after work...
I taste you and you overwhelm me...
I want to run my fingers over your rib cage and feel you shudder...
the color of your tanned skin against mine..
the tattooed covered arms that embrace me and save my soul...
I cant stop touching you..
I want so much...
I want to trace your body with my fingertips forever...
to fall into the depths of you and drown...
you are perfection...
My skin tingles and my legs go weak..
I will do this again & again..

we break every rule....

E.J.M

I dream of sitting in bed with you...
Curled into one another...
Your lips pressed against my shoulder..
Just being with you in twilight...

Those moments when the day ends...
Those last few seconds...
as the day departs and the night encroaches....
To just be....

I don't need words...
Or actions of any kind...
I want no plans...

I simply want to be with you in silence...
Inaction....
Together for the quiet darkening moments...
Listening to you breathe....

Knowing that you'll be here when I awake...

E.J.M.

Your beautiful mouth...
The enchanting words that escape when you're in me...
Such beautiful heartbreaking lies...
I live to hear you speak them...
I love that glazed look in your eyes and know you'd tell me anything. ..
Anything to make me happy. ..
To make us better...
I never believe them ...
But ohh that tiniest part of me adores hearing your precious mouth speak them breathing against my neck...
I could live off those words. ..
Those timeless lies...
..... I love you....
........it will be better soon....
I cling to these empty words...
Made in moments of passion...
That fade in the sun only moments later

E.J.M.

You and I....
That wordless glance...
The underlying tension. ...
The enchanting softness of your voice...
The way we try...
the butterflies still fly inside me at the sound of your voice. ..
never harsh words...
Always perfectly understood. ..
you know who I am inside...
without saying a word...
you complete the brokenness of me...

For two years I've loved you...
I'll love you always ....
for us....

E.J.M.

That fairy tale...
The mythical creature....
What we are....
Two unicorns in fairytale land.....
We love what will never be...
We have what isn't real...
I'll never wake up to you .....

God ... how I love unicorns

E.J.M.

You are amazing and beautiful...
This fighter... this strong, hard gorgeous man...
Trying to survive....
So fearless in your perseverance...
I'm in awe of who you are...
All that fight made me love you..
Just snuck in and hit me.
Loving you scares me...
I'm hard and equally fearless...
But am in danger of loving you...
We could be amazing....
You already are...

E.J.M.

You've got me unsettled with this talk of change...
As much as I love you I'm afraid you're jumping ship for the wrong reasons. ..
I want you to leave because you love you..
Not for me...
Not for her...
For you...
Because you have been unhappy in this life...
I'm unsettled...
I only want what's best for you. ..

E.J.M.

I still look for you...
Even though I know you aren't there...
It's over... but it's not
we were the wrong time....
or not enough.
There isn't a heart wrenching loss...
just the subtle ache as i drive past our place.
Maybe one day you will love me...
there's always the maybes..
I can't write and I can't call...
can't speak a word...
but then what would I say?
I leave us unspoken....
But always know that I miss you....
in the dull voided aching way that one does in a helpless love...

E.J.M

Skin to skin...
Heart to beating heart...
3 o'clock shadow scraping my jaw...
Swollen lips trail up my neck..
Teeth against skin..
The urgency of it all.
And the eyes never waiver...
I drown in them
It's a free fall I've come to love...
It's the semi violence
The uncontained ferventcy...
There's a roughness you barely contain.
Like I save you... We drown together gasping for air...
Our every breath ...each other....

E.J.M

I am not a victim....
I never have been...
How did I get here?
This unsafe place with you calling the shots?
I will not stay...
I will not be your victim...
I feel like Alice ... suddenly so small...
You tried to put me here...
I'll take the other pill...
Need to be larger than life to escape this shrinking room....
I will not be your victim. ..
No one can be victimless eventually...

E.J.M

Heavy clouds....misting rain
A fleeting glimpse of green so bright
Pines in rows...
Muddy tracks...
Leading you to me and taking you back.
Fallen leaves..
Whistling wind echoes off the stillness. .
Goosebumps on my skin
Sienna grass full of burs...
A pierce in my finger of impending pain
And I wait...
Until the sun peeks through
And you are there..with the boyish smile
And dancing eyes
The glimmer of who you are,
the edge of who you were..
the softness of who you are to me....
In this beautiful place with this beautiful soul....
not a minute too soon or too late...
I will always wait

E.J.M

I want to hold your  hand. .
I want to spend hours with you...
I want to lay naked in your arms
And wake up with you..
I want to make you coffee
And have breakfast in bed...
I want to spend days
Instead of mere moments. ..
I want to do all the things you do with her..
I want to kiss you every morning. .
I want to call you whenever I want....
I want so much...
Yet take so very little
But most of all...I want you happy....
I'll take these moments and make them last..


E.J.M.

I'm sad....
This longing meloncholy....
I breathe in and out everyday...
But you're not here...
I survive...
I'm Missing This Integral Part Of me...
I keep going on...
Surviving. ...
My heart is breaking. ..
Time passes and you don't love me like you used to...

E.J.M.

I can not save everyone....
I acknowledge this...
Does that give me the right to give up?
To not try?
To exonerate myself from empathy?
I promise to keep trying despite this...
If I make one difference...

If I change one life...
If you smile a little brighter tomorrow. ..

It's worth all the trying in the world...

E.J.M.

You are the reason I write....
The reason I feel again...
The highs and the lows of me...
The ins and the outs of my deepest soul....

You brought me to light.....

You are the joy in the simplest of things...
the butterflies inside...
You make my heart smile as no one has...
You put it there....

I write these for you...

Our concrete and woods...
Our wordless hellos...
The way you embrace me...
like your holding on to my heart....

I feel these with you....

The fragile skimming of your mouth...
The roughness of your jaw...
The complexities of all you make me feel....
The utter free fall....

I learned these from you....

You are everything I never knew existed...
So much that I never could feel...
You are the completeness in my day...
The contrast to my light....

I love you for these....

You are the reason I write....

E.J.M.

Moments with you are better than our moments apart...
How is it possible to love you this much in a matter of moments?
Our entire premise is faulty...
In two years I have spent snatches of space with you ...
Mere glimpses of you...
Yet know you deeper than anyone....
All those times... if added up would be less than a month I suppose. ..
So long... Yet so infrequent. ...
I know your deepest soul..
As it meets mine in the moments...
Just tiny sparks ...
My life with you marked in exclamation marks....

E.J.M.

Why are we so hard?
You expect so much of me...
I try to be whatever you need...
And I'm left with this aching inside me...
I only want you happy. ..
So why do you keep me?
I just let you go. ..
Now you say you need me?
What about me?
I patiently wait in agony...
Today it's too much...
No explanations...
Just take it...
You won't care if I go...

please stop me...

E.J.M.

As you whisper " I love you" in my ear...
I know it's a lie... but my heart believed it any ways.... and so I'm caught here

E.J.M.

what's different about today... Rather than tomorrow or possibly Friday? why is it that some weeks you see me multiple times yet others not even a call... Weeks go by and I don't hear a word and then you're back just like you never left... Can you tell me you'll call Monday...yet I don't hear anything from you... You always come back... The question is why are we here? why do we come back? what makes you call me? can't you just live your life without me? isn't she enough? I'm not sure why you need us both? yet I must ask myself the same question... I'm not sure why both of us are here... Maybe we should stop coming...

E.J.M.

Why do you keep me here?
Here in this box, on a shelf...
To take down when you want...
To play with me..
To tell how miserable your life is...
And when your done..
You put me back here until the next time you need me...
I can't fathom why you keep me here...

I suppose the better question is why I stay?

E.J.M.

I haven't seen you in a while...
When I do... I should just tell you to leave...
I know where we lead...
Yet we'll just do this time and again....
The good never gets old...
When I'm with you , I can't tell you to go..
This is all that I want...
Just to be with you here in our moments...
it only hurts when you go..
Like that sting of a band aid on my skin. ..
just once and it's done...
To tell you to leave would be more like a slow constant seeping of my heart fading out...
A bottomless ache in my soul. ..

So I'll just do this time and again with you. ..the sting is better than the ache...

E.J.M.

I want to remember you like this....
In the filtering light... flickering through the trees...
That perfect smile and your eyes lighting up to my face..
Things change. ..
Over years I have loved you in this spot...
In this light...
My fondest memory is you standing here...
Whatever changes life may bring....
Whatever happens to us...
I remember you here in this flickering light...
Smiling for me

E.J.M.

It was wrong to touch you...
It was wrong to love you...
It was wrong to miss you...
Wrong to call you..
Wrong to tell you that I'll never love another...
Wrong to make you mine....
Wrong to see you...
Wrong to want you...
Wrong to ache to be with you. ..
Yet I can't stop...
But I have....
And I still want all of these wrong things. ..
I still feel all these wrong things about you...
How could we ever be right?
Encompassed in all the wrong things?
Let me know when it gets right for us....
I'm overwhelmed with the wrong....
and then I hear your voice....

E.J.M.

If I didn't like it
I wouldn't have continued to do this for a year and a half....


these words took away all of the broken ones before it....

E.J.M.

You called to say I love you...
It's been two weeks since I have heard from you....
You called to reassure me that you meant what you said...
That you want to change your life...
You want me in it...
You called to remind me that despite our space. ..
You love me no less today...
You called me to tell me that tomorrow I can call you....
You called me to say I love you...
And I couldn't breathe and my heart is racing. ..
And I love you no less...

E.J.M.

I get these butterflies when I see you..
That first moment when your eyes catch mine...
And I'm gone...
Putty in your hands..
That mouth against mine..
Stealing my breath. ..
Your teeth on my ear...
Making me gasp for air...
I'm overwhelmed by you...
The tenderness yet urgency of us...
I love you... as I scream your name
I ****** against you...
I can't breathe...
I've lost all feeling in my legs...
My skin like diamonds ...
All shimmery and bright...
That liquid feeling of euphoria..
Angel kisses on your stomach. .....
Brushing your hair out of your eyes...
all I taste is you...
I could do this forever...

E.J.M.

I love your  face... The beautiful contours... Eloquent nose... The curve of your lips when they smile at me... Your wild topaz eyes when they stare at mine. How I love your face... Such a stunning complexion... The 5 o'clock shadow as it scratches my chin... Your beautiful black lashes... I can't get enough of your face it makes my heart smile
E.J.M

You have the cutest feet I've ever seen...
Such perfect beautiful feet..
And I forgot...
Some things I rarely see of you. ..
Another perfect part of you...
Such perfect feet...

E.J.M.

I could stand in your arms for always...
To be held by you..
Just standing wrapped in you..
Enveloped in your arms...
All my tension fades...
All of me just melts In to you...
My face pressed into your neck...
Hold me like this forever. ..
No one ever has

E.J.M.

I Was Able To Call you.
Another 1st in our world.
As you lay in bed half asleep In a hotel room far away...
Your sleepy voice answering my call..
So nice to hear you as I drive home from work...
Every moment with you is beautiful...
Wishing I was with you as you fall asleep...
Wanting to be there when you wake up...
I'll never have these moments. ..
But I love thinking of you and the possibility. ..
I love calling you and the breathlessness I feel, waiting for you to answer.
I ponder our moments. ..
I love you and I...
Or my perception of us.
Reality would be different I know...
But for us, this is reality...
This is our relationship.
Moments grasped. ..
Seeing you on your way home...
Just spare moments...
I love you in our reality...
I love that we both try so hard, but not enough. ..

E.J.M.