You ****** all the air out of my head,
making me dizzy, spinning
until I feel almost dead,
and that's just the beginning.

The shaking starts at the tips
of my fingers and my toes
then spreads to my lips
until on my whole body it shows.

I'm gasping as my body falls apart,
since you tied my stomach in a knot,
which swings around and bruises my heart.
My chest soon becomes boiling hot.

What do I do, what have I become?
Tears are rolling down my face.
Luckily, a good friend stops by
to give me a relieving embrace.

There's something about living in this ice cold desert called loneliness.
Just makes you appreciete the little things in life.

Like when someone gives you a hug,
its like the sun peaks up over the horizon,
filling your body with overwhelming warmth,
melting away all the ice,
thawing out your frozen soul.

Feels so **** good...

You hope that it'll be everlasting and never leave,
but the sun sets,
and it does.

Now your cold again.

Sometimes, I wonder.
Wonder, what God feels?
Does he want to end the universe now?

Sometimes, I wonder.

Obviously, I'm aware that we hadn't adjusted to his will.
And I guess many never will ever try.
They just waiting until Christ return time.

Hate.
Which never have a logic reason.
Love.
A wonder that intimidate many to avoid mentioning.

Yes, sometimes I wonder.

God imagination created the world we're in.
And all he request of his children's is to be friends.
We aware of the created sin.

Even that has a story to it.
Which address us when we don't listen.
Yes, sometimes I wonder.
And I can't be the only one to wonder.

If God can show so much love.
Then what's stopping us.

Think I might just let go this time.
Say good bye.
And fall away like the autum leaf.

To let my soul rest at last.
Have peace.
To stop the fighting the worrying the pain.

Lettin go is easy.
The goodbyes won't be big.
Don't have anyone left to say good bye to.

It's a bitter sweet end tbh.
With out pain there would never be.
Peace.

"The Doors were spinning, as well as lamps and small items. Everything was in motion , the total dispersion in the room. And me in the middle, sitting on the floor with my eyes closed. The inner world was penetrating the world outside, it could seem that the power of my mind was growing. Anything was possible. Everything was unreal.
I glanced around me, everything was in perfect order. It's  just the arrogance of human senses, an omission of visible signs of the consciousness' power. And all of that was irrelevant anyway.
- When was the last time you saw him ?- She asked.
-53 Days ago.
-It must be hard for You?
- It is not so bad
It was . Terribly hard, the weight of longing seemed to overwhelm me to the floor on which I sat still . Although You can get used to the constant suffer.
I saw her suffering, but I remained silent. Undoubtedly in addition to counting days she was also counting hours. Sometimes the time passes mercilessly slow. The time does not flow at all when You have no one for whom You could count it. It hurted me more. She's known and tasted the happiness of which I had no idea. In her eyes, the two blue glimmers full of love, I saw the memory of life. And Hope, thanks to her she was still alive. In my eyes You could see merely a destruction. Maybe I have experienced more carnal pleasures, but no one ever looked at me in such a manner as he looked at her. In that look You could see everything. I knew I was missing something, I felt empty inside. "

As i lay in pain staring at a photo of my deceased nan wishing things were the same. The day she died i felt an emptiness but this emptiness i am feeling right now i can't explain as ****** has ravaged me from vein to vein. The sweats the ***** yeah i'm truly in bits i have the devil sitting on one shoulder telling me to run straight back to a fix. This is the start of an evil hellish game finding the strength from within is driving me completely insane. I lay in the bath i can barely talk each days getting better at least thats what i thought my bodies all contorted twisted and lean the last time i'd eaten was 2 weeks ago it seems. As i look deep into my heart I try hard for this to not tear me apart  but I know i'm never going back to that deadly sin as i think about the future and sort of smile from within. To give your soul to drugs your gonna pay the price your family your friends or even your wife its something i learned long time ago drugs will take everything  that you ever owned. The smell of it the hell of it ****** is a curse it will drain every single penny out of your purse.

I am as unpredictable as the ocean, I can turn on you in an instance with no cause or reason. My heart often lacks enough trust to hold a conversation and my eyes grow weary when exposed to too much sorrow. If i could take a thousand needles and press them into the palms of my hands to feel something, I would, but for now I am just numb. And with the numbness comes a dire sense that my life is slipping through my fingertips like sand and I can do nothing more but watch it as it crumbles.
I hate every inch of myself of late, from the roots of my hair to my little toe. I hate all that is inside me, including the stardust in my bones and the ***** blood sweeping through me, this heart beats but it's broken and it has no rhythm; It is an old truck worn from years of hard use and I fear it will give out soon, I cannot re-fuel myself, I cannot re-make myself. I can only sit in silence and smile to my peers to make them think that I will get through this.
But their whispers I can hear, and they know I will not.