I.
quietly, quietly
don't wake her up
she's sleeping and
she is too beautiful for words

but oh, she must leave in the morning
slowly, slowly, I must make this last
how beautiful
how sad
how precious

louder, louder
to show her you care
now quietly
she is still sleeping
and she is still much
much too beautiful for words

goodbye, beautiful lover
sleep well in nights to come

II.
oh, she returns!
how overjoyed I am!
but still I play slowly,
to make these moments last

oh, but she kisses me
and her lips are heavenly
oh, how beautiful she is
quickly, quickly
with feeling and fervor

louder and louder
let her hear!

stay forever, lover
please stay

III.
nothing is forever
and neither is this
broken, unconventional
romance that we carry on

goodbye is what is best, lover
I will let you go but I will
long for your touch once you are gone

goodbye forever, lover
let your days be many
and as beautiful as you are

but would you stay just the night?

quietly, quietly
don't wake her up
she's sleeping and
she is too beautiful for words

but oh, she must leave in the morning
slowly, slowly, I must make this last
how beautiful
how sad
how precious


*It must have been a beautiful night
with a beautiful girl
and some beautiful dreams.

How I would love to be part of his fantasy.

I've been noticing little things lately
like the way certain words feel weird
coming off the tongue (copy. makes
the original sound cheap and ***** because
you're making a duplicate, a clone. copy.)

or all the stuff stuck underneath my fingernails
(I don't know where it all comes from, but isn't
it strange to think that it's probably all just skin
and other abandoned parts of me that have found
their way to a safe haven beneath my nails?)

or the way my best friend looks at me like I walk
on water and perform miracles and save lives
(when really it's the other way around because
she's had it hard in life and all she ever does is make
things better for other people, especially for me.)

and there's something weird about all these things
that I've been noticing, because they are so small
and insignificant, but I cannot help but find them
to be
strangely
poetic.

how clever you are, darling.
if you pretend to have forgotten
that you ever told a lie then
I must pretend to never
have heard them in the first place

you catch more flies with honey
than with vinegar.*

yes, but you also catch flies with
Venus fly traps
and swatters
and spiders.

sometimes it pays to be nasty,
don't you think?

when wearing headphones,
the world is yours to rearrange.
everyone and everything moves
to the beat of your music.

they are a music video you create.
I watch and rewrite everyone's story.

the song that plays is sad, so the girl
across the street is not laughing because
she is happy, but laughing bitterly at her own
petty and ridiculous sadness.

the driving beat behind the next song makes the
man driving down the road seem to be doing so
with the most purpose I have ever seen, as if he has
somewhere he really, really needs to be.

maybe he has flowers for the woman he loves
or needs to apologize for something he did wrong.
either way, the music says he needs to be there
quick fast in a hurry, and so off he goes.

and me?
I am not so small,
not so insignificant,
not so afraid.

I am in charge.

what a wonderful feeling it is
to be --
just for a fleeting and wonderful second --
queen of the
world.

Almost everything I hate about myself
I see in you and so you take the silent
blame for all my shortcomings when in reality
I must choose not to be this person.

And so I have, but I still hope you know
that I smile to think that you are the woman
who gave birth to me because I fear that no one
else could handle me.

P.S. you're forty-five, not dead,
get out there, find a man, start living again
because I fear more than anything that my life
as well as that of my sister has forever
halted
yours.

I wish I could be as
transparent as you are
it would be as simple as saying

I've changed my mind
kiss me

or maybe

yes, I really do like you

or even

you say you're missing a girlfriend?
no, you're not. I'm right here.

but I prefer honesty to transparency
so I'll just hug you each time we meet
and smile as you wrap your arms around me

and hope you haven't found someone new
and pray that it's you each time my phone vibrates
and consider texting you first, but i won't
because I don't do that and I'd only be bothering you

and because I value honesty
I'll be honest with myself:
I've ******* up again
and you don't want me anymore

it's just as well
I would have messed up
sooner or later
anyway.