I have a problem with love
I tend to fall for people far to quickly
And not just one person
Multiple people draw me to them convincing me
That one more love story won't be so bad
My problem with love is that I love the chase
When I catch them I am often not sure what to do
Will often confuse love with other kinds of addiction
I've learned that I love the adrenaline more than the person
So I am sorry if my feet tend to wander
When you tell me that you love me
I simply do not believe the body was meant to stand still
And I know one day I will lose my urge to run
But for now, I will lace up my shoes
In hopes that you realize, the only way to make me stay is to untie them
So as I am walking away
I fall

I dreamt a slow river wrapped its arms around a mountain and you smiled at me for breakfast
Still, I can feel the warmth of your ambience slipping under my skin
As the sugar in your smile gets washed over by the sea
I am sipping coffee and sitting in awe of how you manage to be so brilliant
I want to live happily in a world I don't understand with you by my side to help me decipher it
When you are miles away you are more present than anything else next to me
I've read that wherever the road takes you depends on whose hand your holding and what music you are playing and you just happen to be my favorite song
This is the part of the story where we love without hesitation, without doubt
Here and now has never been more important
Coming home to you is the 8th wonder and I strive to see that kind of phenomena everyday
You are the story I'll read every time it's raining and I forgive you for whatever you'll do to me tomorrow
Love is simple when you don’t think about it too much, it's the little things all in all
It's breakfast on Sundays when it’s cold outside and he looks like the sunrise
It's walking in the fall with leaves watching you and he smells like hazelnut
It's the miracle of waking up next to him every day and cooking him breakfast, nothing more than that

I think maybe I can give myself time
Teach myself to love you and only you
Learn the ways of isolation, confine myself to you
Maybe one day I will be able to do it without trying first
I often confuse love with loneliness
Give myself away just because I am tired of holding myself up
If only I could dig myself out of holes as easily as I dig myself into them
Digging my own grave just because it is something to do
I am trying to love you but love takes a little more work than I'd planned
I am not sure if time will be enough
Because time can't save anybody, it only adds wrinkles to your face and fatigues your body, you are only getting older
Maybe the hands on the clock are better off broken
Because imagination suddenly becomes matter and I am here standing in front of you trying to love you, and I do, so much, but not quite enough as I need to
And for that I am sorry

An endless amount of wanting to see you wanting to be with you all of the time but an endless amount of fear to tell you because I do not want you to see me in need
I want to be able to stand by myself with you in the other room
I have to be prepared if you ever decide that you have gotten sick of me
If you ever decide to walk away
I don’t know how to even consider the thought of you leaving because I have wrapped myself up in our movie days
I have become too accustomed to our Wednesdays
I have gotten so lost in this peace that you bring, that the mere idea of you taking it away is frightening
There is an endless amount of wanting to see you and wanting to be with you all of the time and I do want to tell you
And I am working to get to the point where I do
You will know when and
I pray it is soon
because I've learned that in asking comes receiving
And confession brings good things
So maybe, when I tell you
You will agree
And I will spend less time missing you
And more time being with you

You will come home to me in the late afternoon
I will have gotten home from work just a few hours before you
Enough time to get comfortable and start our dinner
You swing open the front door and shut it softly behind you
Taking off your coat and hanging it up
You set down your bag and I hear your footsteps nearing the kitchen
You greet me with a smile and a kiss and I ask you how your day was
We talk about your boss's new rules and how you may be getting a Christmas bonus
I tell you about how the internet went down today so I got to come home early and miss traffic
As the food approaches it's time of readiness, you go upstairs to change
I grab two soda's out of the fridge and set them down
You stumble down stairs and we both laugh because I am usually the clumsy one
Fixing our plates you kiss my shoulders and we sit down to eat
After discussing the plans for Thanksgiving and who's house were going to first, I put away the dishes and start to clean up
You make your way in to help out so we can go shower and go to bed
After we finish, you kiss my neck and set me onto the kitchen counter
My heart races and I am amazed by how you can still light up this room I am in, start a campfire in my stomach, ignite my bones with your skin on mine, dig holes the caverns of my collarbones
You will come home to me in the late afternoon
And we will both be weary eyes but we will both be happy
I do not know who you are yet, but I am looking forward to meeting you

Loving you is spilled wine on white carpet, permanent, staining
a constant reminder of wasted sweetness and regret,
if only I had been paying a little more attention
Loving you is texting and driving, taking the risk of calamity to direct my eyes toward a little light
Loving you is loving poison that taste like sweet tarts
Addicting, my favorite, but dangerous, only seeking my annihilation
I've given myself scars by ripping the last pieces of you from my veins
I've been wanting to write to you and to explain
in some sort of logical way why I still love you
I'm sorry I have taken so long, I just couldn't really find the right words, still I am using the wrong ones
And I am sorry for that as well
My heart is still handcuffed to yours
But your love is too deep to let go of
It's the absolute surface that no living thing can touch
It's impossible to avoid
Seemingly ridiculous to want to push away from
Please don't let me slip away
Loving you is like holding onto a flame
Something not meant to be touched
Harming anything it's way
Yet so beautiful that you can't help but reach out to it
You are my flame
And I will reach to you
And you will never fail to burn me
**Every time

You are the sound of church bells on Sunday morning
You are spilled sunlight and soft mouth
You are boy with a waterfall smile
You are masterpiece I hope to paint on day
You are the extra mile, the giver, the compassion
You are drugs cleverly disguised as a boy
You will be my first home, the song I listen for at sunrise, the first place that I will be content to dwell in

I too often find myself being sad
Feeling the weight of it sit on my shoulders
As the ground begs me to succumb to it
We are always allowed to joke about being lonely
But never taking a step further into it
Because no one wants to hear about your pain
There is no real interest in other people's desolation
Consigned to oblivion, treacherous waters
So tempting to go for a swim
Dancing in the rain until the flood waters drag me away
I have never felt such force pushed against me
Until I experienced you walking away from me
There is nothing more heart-wrenching
Than losing a love that never existed to them in the first place

I want to know what it is like to fall in love with you
So we look like lovers on television screens
Let me read between your rough drafts
Maybe walk around, my hand in yours, falling in love under the silver circle
Intoxicated by only your kiss
Making it long and sweet and so cliché
Carry me up the stairs
Come to me like an afternoon
Slowly and in fragments of a sunset on fire
Cupid didn’t have an arrow large enough to fit this love so he high jacked a plane and flew it into my chest
The sound of your name is like a sip of alcohol to an AA member
I want to think of my favorite picture of you, only to come to realize that every picture of you is my favorite picture of you
If I could read your mind I would not invade you privacy
I want to know what it is like to fall in love with you
And for you to follow in love with me as well

Early morning coffee on the front balcony
Where the smoke dances with the fog
You never liked to get up this early
But something was different about today
The ideas lingered in the air
And you watched and waited for one useful
So you could grab hold of it and put it in a poem
See the words stack on top of one another
Like bricks of a castle you once dreamed about
Fragile but holding such strong will to shield its princess from harm
There was something about this Saturday morning
Something that set it apart from the rest
Maybe it was the smell of rain on the pavement
Or the dewdrops on your balcony railing
Maybe it was the way you simply couldn’t get comfortable in bed
Maybe it was because last night
You slept in it, alone

Sleepless nights fill with incompetent infatuation
and drunken bewilderment
igniting white sticks of numbness
to grip all of our pain in one palm
and take it away
in a quick instance
Hoping that maybe tomorrow you will
feel a little less pain
But when you wake up
in a painful daze
with smudged make-up on a white pillow
and cold coffee
Confused as to why
It Still Hurts So **** Much

Every day I sit in the place where I fell in love with you and hope you will wander in
Because you know that is where you will find me
In the corner of a coffee shop a few miles from your house
The music playing overhead somehow echoes the sound of our laughter and whispers
Distractions overwhelming, tickling feeling, abrupt jolt of excitement
Love was rushing through my veins like a river after a thunderstorm trying to find a larger body of water to dispose to, I had been searching for you in every alley way, every vacant corner, wall flower wanderer
My mind trails off to the thought of your smile and leaves me curious as to why it did not blind me
It did just the opposite
You helped me to see the best parts of myself that I once despised
Helped me love myself, helped me believe in myself
You were so **** good at making me believe everything you said
But I don’t believe you now
I won't believe you when you tell me that you don’t love me anymore
How can I be forced to believe something I was so sure of
I knew you wouldn't love me forever but I thought you would love me longer than that
And now, every day I sit in the place where I fell in love with you and hope you'll wander in
Because you know that is where you will find me
If you were ever looking

A love that is not tangible
One that stands just close enough to reach for
With the illusion that it is close enough to touch
It isn't
It is sweet and lures you in like a blind man to beautiful music
I look at him, wide eyed gaze as my heart seizes inside of my chest
Lips pursed in expectation of what may never be
The way my knees break at the sound of your voice
Like I am bowing down to God
I save your words, tucking them into my pocket because
I only hear something so gentle and alluring so much
And suddenly the anxiety of truth wraps itself around my chest
Reminding my heart beat to slow because it is no use in getting so worked up
Over something so unattainable

I want to describe to you everything that you are
So you will consider
Letting us redefine what it means to start over
We can relay the foundation better this time
We can stand beneath the sky and wait for the planets to shape themselves around my newly intertwined bodies
You are the first drop of rain in a hurricane
You are the misunderstood tragedy
You are striking lightning slicing open the dark with luminous allure
You are coloring everything outside the lines
You are the poem everyone feels they should reread
You are the stem from a root planted in the belief that you have done something wrong in some way
You have not done anything wrong
I want to show you everything I failed to reveal before
Open new doors, let the cool breeze some in from my bedroom window, anything to make you want to stay here
My world is waiting for you to set it on fire
So whenever you're ready
Tell me that you miss what it feels like
To light a match

Some of my best poems
are ones about you
and I am not sure
if I should apologize
or thank you for that

There is something about getting knocked down
by one who once claimed to love you
It does something to you
It makes you feel so much prettier
On the floor

I know some things seem stronger than your own will
I know that in dim light
It doesn’t seem wrong
In dim light
You are told that you can stay here
Forever but you cant
Today it seems like this addiction
Is stronger than my own will
It seems like the window to this cold compacted bed room
will never close
Letting go is one of the hardest things to learn
and one of the least taught
I have learned that the work is never pretty
But it is the only way to build the house
I am letting go today
And I hope that as I let this go for you
That you hold on to me

As most poems go, there was a boy
Tall, handsome, with a good head on his shoulders
Ambitious yet silly, could make a crying child giggle
He had more light than any cosmo ever to lay a finger on the sky
He was incredible to say the least
And he loved me
Strong like an autumn breeze, pushing leaves off their hinges
Passionate like a kiss between two lovers who meet in an airport after months of being apart
Sweet like a teenage girls coffee
It was the most wonderful love I had ever known
But I was never sure how to return it
I was afraid like a young girl stepping off the bus after running away from home
I was bitter like ice cream melted in the hot sun
Damaged like a cell phone dropped in a river and fetched out
He was trying to ******* to life but I had swallowed so many unspoken words, I was still choking on them
And I loved him
But I was never sure how to show him
Was always trying to think of ways, spent too much time thinking, not enough time acting out
I am sorry to the boy who waited for me, showing me his favorite songs, I'm sorry for not listening to the lyrics close enough, I'm sorry they were about me, I'm sorry I never noticed
I'm sorry
And I could apologize with all the breath left in my lungs and it would still not be enough to make you come back
I've learned that if the universe does not want something to happen it wont
And maybe I just loved you at the wrong time
And maybe I was meant to endure this
I just really don’t want to
The only thing that I am sure I want, deep to the core, is you

It's hard to make due with nothing
I love you and I hope to God
everyday
that you still love me
if you ever did
and here I am trying to make our love reignite itself with nothing to start off with in the first place

Left and Right
Two completely different things
But my love for you
Is neither left nor right
My love for you is in between
My love for you is snow when the sun is out
My love for you is a clean house with muddy floors
My love for you is a shooting star without making a wish
Confusing maybe
But real
My love for you is is indifferent
But my love for you is real

She's going to be drunk and stupid
She's going to let her hair down, falling over her shoulders, smiling at the slight tickled feeling of it
She's going to dance with boys whom she will not remember the names or faces of but she will remember exactly what they were wearing
She's going to trip over herself, her knees will battle earthquakes breaking day fall of more drink or one more cigarette
She is going to smoke until she can only see a transparent outline of herself in the mirror
And she will smile, freely and oblivious to reality
She's going to be drunk and stupid
And it's going to be the most beautiful tragedy he has ever laid his eyes on

Every song that I danced to in your living room when we were supposed to be studying
Every song that we danced to in the kitchen when baking
Every song that we sang in the truck
Every melody that we have ever heard together
The songs we sang along to, the one's our parents taught us
The ones we taught each other
Plays much slower than it usually would
Coming to me note by note, tickling my senses
Reminding me that I cannot call you and tell you to listen to it
And I find myself biting my lip through the frustration
And the truth is, you never really know how lonely you are until everything is going wrong and you have no one to turn to for help
Not even music, because all of my favorite songs
Used to be ours

I can only imagine what it is like to love you
To watch you walk down the hallway to my kitchen
The soft thuds of you shoes and the wood floor
Sounding almost friendly as if it the reverberation is shaking hands with the walls
To see your hands slip into your pockets as you look down and smile at your feet
You slip one hand out of your pocket and it climbs the air to your hat as the other hand runs its fingers through each brown strand and gently places the hat back on your head
Only swift movement and light breathing
To see you driving down the highways of the city
One hand on the steering wheel, while the other fools with the radio, endeavoring to find a perfect song and stay on the road at the same time
Then I can almost see myself reach out and grab your hand when you've slipped up on a song that I liked
And you would look at me and smile
Eyes tightened and lips forming half of a crescent moon
As the timidity in your mind turns your head back to the road
A red light comes up
We both have never been more happy to come upon a stop
You turn and look at me, lean in, lips locking
Hands condensing into each other
This kiss sets my skin on fire and fills me with the life I'd never known I was missing
Suddenly a car horn interrupts us as laughter fills the air
Oh how incredibly lovely it is to be diverted by strangers
When we were once strangers ourselves
And today we may be strangers
The ones who are sitting at red lights behind people in love
Laying on our horns with somewhere to be
Today, that may be us
But before long, that could be you and me
Who are being interrupted
At a red light

My favorite word is authentic
Real and happening, something still alluring with no edit
Like taking a picture of a sunset
Never having to add color or exposure
Because it is how it should be
Authentic like who love should be
Where you don’t have to pretend
Because just looking at them, everything is how it is
And you don’t want to change a thing
Love is real and happening if it is with the right person
My least favorite word is almost
Almost holds failed potential
It represents our ability to be not good enough
Almost is being on the brink of something so beautiful but falling short, this happens so much that we crafted a word for it
We were an almost, an idea misconstrued, a simple possibility that was never played out to the fullest
We could have been something - should have been something - but we weren't
And my god I want to hate you but I don’t and I don’t think I ever could
Because I somehow still think that you were my authentic

I apologize in the name of you far too often than I should
I paint the picture and I am always the criminal
and you are the victim
Yet, all the while you stole my heart
I've been told that the more love you show,
the easier it is to get heart broken
And I have shown far too much love to you
Secreting my feelings for you in my back pocket
being careful not to sit down
and break what I have left of hope in tomorrow
and break the rest of what I have left of your smile
and maybe break a little more of my innocence and hope that love might be real enough to be returned by someone like you

In life we all want to be remembered as something great
To have someone look up to you
To have someone be to proud of you
And lately I've come to the sad conclusion
That no one sees me as something special
The feeling of knowing that you've ****** up
And there's no turning back
Knowing you could've been so much better than this
Knowing you could've really made people happy
Just by saying no to certain things
But when you reach the brink of temptation
You say yes without realizing the devastation
Without even seeing the danger
And one day you wake up as just another one
Just another person who didn’t listen to the advice
We were all told as a child
Never thinking this would ever happen
But here we are
Just another **** up
That's all I am

You are as beautiful as
flowers in the rain,
a sunset setting fire to the sky,
fall leaves,
snow on trees,
You are so beautiful and you don't even know it

Throughout your life you will experience love in some form
Maybe in a one night stand, maybe in a relationship, maybe in an unrequited form
Whatever way it may be, you will experience it
Some people think that a significant other is all there is to life
Thinking that you need someone to complete you is the easiest way to get broken
You will experience heart ache and somber
There will be days where you feel as if staying in bed is the same thing as staying alive
You will learn to never take a risk and never look down
You will learn to succumb to your pillow instead of going out with friends
You will learn that love is not a road easily traveled
You will forget that there is actually some light in this seemingly dark room
Yes, love is burdensome and tiring and it will only wear out your legs causing your knees to weaken at the sound of their name
But do not make that the reason you give up because strained legs that have shuffled over a burning bridge are so much better than those who have never experienced running

You do something to me that is indescribable
The way your voice resonates in my chest
The simple sound of you breathing reminds me that everything is okay
Because if you are alive then I know I am too
The way my thighs unconsciously part just slightly
whenever you are around
It is no longer just my heart that is drawn to you,
It turns out so is my body
The way your touch can take away any discomfort
There is something about you that sweeps a peace over me
Funny to think that I would be empty if you left
And here I am, hollow and vacant
Because you did

The crowd is full of opinions
The world is full of perfectionist
The people are full of constant desire
The books are full of fiction
The movies are full of fake true love
The news is filled with tragedy
The internet is filled with hate
But you are made of light
No matter how dark your life feels
No matter what lamps have gone out
No matter how thick the walls are
No matter how far you think you may be from an open window
You do not need one
Because
You are made of **light

He was so quiet and I could tell he was nervous
I kept walking and I could feel the sweat gathering on his hand
I clench it tighter
The scene, however, was breathtaking
A long wooden bridge with white paint peeling and wrinkling of old age, intimately lit with candles dancing in a light breeze
The sun was falling in the west
And so was I, more and more each day for this man
It amazing what he does to me
The water beneath us, singing as it rippled within itself
I listened to the hum of each footstep of ours, almost in sync
I turn to him,
"Are you okay? You're being really quiet."
"I'm fine, just a little anxious, that’s all."
We are coming to the end of the bridge and I see a table
Draped in a thin, dark blue table cloth with two lawn chairs
There's orchids in the center, my favorite flower
What I love about orchids are the petals themselves are so exquisite but their stems have to be held up by little clips, they are beautiful but they cannot stand on their own, like a lot of other beautiful things
I look back up at him as he slips his hand out of mind, wipes it on his pants and pulls out my chair smiling like a child on Christmas morning
I look at him in that moment as a strand of hair falls over his forehead
I can see the color and shape of my perfect life
The house, the children, the arguments over the curtains are all fading away with that one smile of his

I was so nervous, I literally cannot bring myself to talking
I mean, the things I would usually jump to have already been discussed
The weather, how her day was, how beautiful she looks
Well, I wouldn’t mind telling her that again
The bridge creaks with each footstep of ours as if it is imploring for our bodies to sink into the water beneath it
The trees were swaying just enough for the leaves to rustle with each other but lightly enough for me to still hear the sound of her breathing
The sun was falling in the west, I gazed at it
An alluring sunset burning up the atmosphere
Speaking of burning, my hands are sweating so much
I would tell her how sorry I was but I think she already knows
The sound of her voice startles me a little but I play it off... I think
"Are you okay? You're being really quiet"
****, I am being really quiet
"I'm fine just anxious, that’s all"
We are coming to the end of the bridge and everything is just how I hoped it would be, the table from my dad's shop, the dark blue table cloth from Sears, the orchids in the center, her favorite flower
I slip my hand out of hers which was a lot harder than I expected it to be, I just don’t want to stop touching her
I wipe them on my pants nonchalantly and pull out her chair
Honestly, I've stopped trying to not smile
I can't help myself, it's amazing what she does to me
I kept looking at her and wondering how lucky I could be to have found someone who reminds me of sunlight even on the rainiest of days
I swear in a world of black and white, she would still have color

I imagine sitting in the corner of your studio apartment
A record playing faintly in the background and I can hear you humming
What if I told you I could remember what the weather was like for every single day we've spent together
How do you like your eggs? You ask
I could never take my eyes off you, not even if I went blind
You remind me of old books and tall glasses and dancing on the balcony
I imagine that we are in love, and then I wake up I am still am and you never were

Falling in love is nothing and everything like they said it would be
It's mysterious and predictable
It's funny yet sad
It's song sounds like a sweet melody that
reminded you of bad dreams
It kept you awake at nigh and left you in a peaceful sleep
You see, falling in love is nothing and everything like they said it would be

You have colored my skies dark and snatched away my sun I try to tell myself that I can paint back over this but mixing anything with black is just more black
I am out of white paint
My shelves are going dry, because you refuse to stop making art in the hollowness of my chest
Drawing borders that I wish you would cross
But you never do
Even when I am intoxicated
Drunk out of my right mind
On the very brink of alcohol poisoning
I feel your name start to boil in my mouth
And all I want to do is swallow you whole
Forget you ever signed your name on my tongue
But my gag reflex forces me to spit you out all over the bar
I will do my best to wipe it up
Apologizing to all of those who had to see such humiliation
I've come to realize however
That alcohol will always be much easier to swallow than the possibility that you once or still love me
Nothing else quite compares to the claws that slide down my throat when I try to drink a shot of your sweet toxin
There is nothing that quite correlates to that amount of agony
So if tonight, I end up calling you, know that I am sorry
I apologize in advance to the mumbled words and empty laughter
Know that I only did it, to ask for the white paint
That you stole from me

He is a summer rain
A day you would rather be swimming
Out in the sun, soaking up rays into your vague veins
But you cannot control the weather
And you love it despite the inconvenience
He is snow in the winter
Beautiful and graceful
You smile when looking at it
But it takes a little more work than you planned
Shoveling the driveway, trouble starting your car
It is a hassle but one with a great view
He is you favorite television show
Funny, enjoyable at all times of the day
But sometimes leaves you hanging
Will come for a while and leave
And not return for a few days at a time
But when he does it is better than before
He is a jigsaw puzzle
Confusing and often stressful
But there is no better feeling of completing it
If you can, you try your best
He is love
Holy, sacred, untamable, fascinating in all lighting
Waking to rain, covering up in the cold
Turning up the volume
Putting the pieces together in the dark
He is everything I want
And everything I can't have

I hate to think that I need alcohol
To be confident around you
Without *****, I am only a coy maiden
I am fearful and tread backwards, never stumbling
I cannot trip and fall into you if my blood is only blood
This bitter-sweet poison helps me strip off my coats of paint
Freeing my inner goddess who is much more amorous
She is painted beautifully, she is dark and cunning
She carries herself with such boldness
When intoxicated, my mind does not race towards you
It is only a reminder that things can be easier
It is a coping mechanism that draws me into you but resists in such a way that restores my poise
I know that this will catch up to me
It already has in fact
But as I sober up, and only remember fragments of this puzzle we call a party
The night before replaying in my mind like a scratched up DVD
And after all of the missing scenes and mistaken context
I will always want to do it
*Again

I want to describe how it feels to miss you
But I am not sure how to explain a sensation so serene
I miss you like plants miss rain in a drought
Thirsty for the only thing that can truly save them
I miss you like a mother misses her child on their first day of kindergarten, thinking they can do without them for a while but missing their constant presence
I miss you like an ex-alcoholic misses shots of whisky
I miss you in the morning and during the day
I miss you in the small moments when I'm busy and in the dull moments when I have nothing but time to miss you more
Even when I know I will see you soon
I miss you now, I miss you and I wish I could see you a little more
And maybe miss you a little less

I want a love that
Light up the night sky and puts
All of the constellations to shame
I want a love that
Does not falter when we fall
Though love sometimes hurts
There is nothing that can break this
I want a love that
Endures every hard time
That walks through battle grounds
Hand in hand
Conquering it all together
I want a love that
Dances on my lips
Sings on my skin
Traces maps on my back
Discovering new beauties
On each other
I want a love that
Grows
Stretches, flows
Like a spring stream
Racing each other
But keeping steady pace
I was a love that
Glows
Fireflies envy this sparkle
The one in your eyes
The one in our kiss
I want a love that
Makes me want to stay in bed with you
That carries me up the stairs
That spins me around, stumbling in the refrigerator light
That helps me do the dishes
That wakes me up each morning
I want a love that
Has you in it
I want a love that
You want too

We tip toe on silent words
And I wonder if you hear me crying out to you
Underneath the casualty of our conversation
I do my best to always swallow back the words
That get stuck in my throat
I suppose there is a reason why they won’t come out
I think of you kissing her
Writing songs on her collarbones as you progress the anticipation
The way she blossoms under your rain
She was much more lenient with her lips than I was
I am sorry that this love continues to live under my breath
It is the one battle where my armor is too heavy to even lift off the ground
My arms have grown weak from pushing you away
I find myself now, trying to pull you in
But you aren’t there
And I wonder if maybe I were stronger
I wonder if you would be

It's like playing with fire
It's like deep-sea diving
It's like playing in a hailstorm
It’s like sticking your hand out the window
Going 80 miles an hour down the highway
It's like climbing on the roof
It's like looking at the sun
It's like being blindfolded
It is such a rush
No matter how careful you are
You're in the dangerous situation
So it would only take away from the fun
It is never taking for cover,
Never backing out,
No limits, no escape plans
It is standing in the middle of it all
Realizing the risk
But never moving out of the way
That is what being with him
Is like

There is something peaceful about being alone
I have learned that I don’t need anyone to complete me
I have learned that some puzzles can still be just as beautiful with a few missing pieces
And maybe one day I will find them
But for today, I am by myself
And I am okay with it as ever

I want to light you like a cigarette
Burn the back of my throat
Scratch your way to my lungs
Tear them apart
I want to breathe you in
Breath after breath
Take it away and replace it with smoke
Dance in the haze
Kiss my teeth, leave stains as a signature
Declaring your presence
Burn my lips when you finish
Poison my body with this cancer
Watch the horizon flow up
And I press this cigarette bud down
Do not forget to leave the lighter with me
So I can ignite this fantasy, once more

Can you remember who you were,
Before the world told you who you should be?

I have discovered new changes and cravings that loving you has brought me to realize
One.
The warmth of a blanket is different from the warmth of a body and I would rather freeze to death in your arms than cover myself in fabric
Two.
As a child, I used to dream of red clay being palmed into shape
Into mountains, wind washed, carved to life
I think of loving you this way
Though it is only a childhood craft medium I can make something beautiful out of  it
Three.
I will forever be compromising myself for you
Though I know it is stupid to endeavor being well adjusted to something that is broken
But all I really want is to be what you want
Even if it means digging holes in myself
Scratching old roots out of my veins
Planting new gardens and flowers of your particular liking
Four.
Loving you is like walking across the street when you know it is not time yet, the crimson lit palm telling you that it is a time to stay still, never listening and thinking, maybe they'll stop for me today but they never do and you end up wrecked each time
Loving you is going back every day, already broken enough so why not test the waters once more
Convincing yourself that there is something different about this time
Five.
Though you are so beautiful, your smile is a light in the dark, your kiss is venomous and I know you are not good for me but there something so enticing about swallowing a poison that taste so sweet
You are a deceiving medicine that will only make me sicker
I have discovered new changes and craving that loving you has brought me to realize and these are only a few out of the many that my mind holds captive, I hope to tell them to you one day

I AM LOSING MY MIND OVER YOU AND I AM DROWNING IN THIS CONFUSION AND I HATE YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME YOU *******

I don't mean to care
but I don't want to not
and my indecisiveness
is the alter ego
that is going to end up
ruining me

I hate you for looking away every time I look at you
As if seeing my face brought enough guilt to turn your head
Your neck was never stronger than your mind
I know that I am not as beautiful as she is but you can at least treat me like I am still a person
I am still a person
Despite my hallow chest that has been swallowed by the authority I have given to men who seemed trustworthy enough
My heart is a stone, it is hard and dry, desperate for recovery
I cannot handle such pain on a daily basis
I hope that you do not look at me anymore
Because it is only adding hope to my absolute oblivion
I hate you for looking away every time I look at you
Do not look at me at all
If you are only doing to drift your head to another disposition once I recognize it
And decide to look back

Finding peace is like finding a lost chapter in the bible, it was there, waiting to be discovered, aching to be held, to be felt
Peace feels a lot like a blanket of sunsets was stitched together and laid over your heavy body, it makes you feel weightless
Peace is wonderful, so grab hold of it

Thinking about love is like throwing thoughts into vast emptiness
I used to be a hopeless romantic but now all that remains is the glimmer of love that has fallen out of my chest like a dot of glitter on the ground that catches your eye, you may look at it for a second but eventually you will find yourself stepping on it

The blank canvas that we once started off with is not only bursting with color but tearing at it's seems
We have broken past brushes and finger painting, the world has shifted from slow to lethal energy
I can not seem to focus on exactly you for too long because my mind begins to cloud and images of you come in glitches
I am not sure if my mind is an old DVD player or if I refuse to stop blinking long enough to make out the proportion of your face
How when you smile your cheeks reach up ward
You eyes squint just slightly
Enough to where you could tell you're laughing but wide enough to see their color
We are not common
My love for you is nothing ordinary
This is something so deep that not even you could scratch the surface
Of how much my mind
has fooled me into believing that maybe you love me
Just as much as I love you