I’m going to end up killing myself today.
Just for the soul factor of myself being tired.
Exhausted,
Low of any motivation.
I’m tired.
Tired of being strong,
Tired of acting,
Tired of being tired.
No matter what I do,
I am still tired.

He holds me in a way I am safe,
The warmth of his touch comforting.
A safe space is what he is,
All of my worries and doubts,
Gone.
Every emotion and thought
Carefully calibrated in mind to helping me.
You are an abundance of everything
Yet nothing.
Maybe that is what attracted me to
Only you.

Loud music bursting through my ears,
Our body’s in sync to the rhythm.
Kisses being shared with sweat and fatigue,
Lazy, crazy smiles worn on our faces.
Three words form in mind,
Special words.
To say them or not,
Will this back fire?
The music gets louder,
Your hands are raised higher the more you jump.
I stare in awe at your glow,
So vibrant and pure.
“I love you!” Is what I scream,
You stopped dead in tracks.
Pulled me close and kissed me,
With a passion so intense.
You’re face in that moment was blissful,
“I love you too babygirl.”

It was waking up to you and feeling peace,
That’s when I knew you were mine.
It was taking me home to make me dinner,
That’s when I knew you were mine.
It’s caring for you and your care to me,
That’s when I knew you were mine.
It was telling me you love me after hearing my life,
That’s when I knew you were mine.

It was literally a stare down,
You sat at the table in the bar.
I felt your eyes on me since you looked my way
And I into yours.
You brought me home,
A place I thought to be long lost.
This is completely too good to be true,
You stole my heart in less than a month.
This time this is right.

slowly all my motivation is slippinG away. becoming lost Again.
But I am terrified of this feeling.
Time for a visit I think,
it’s been far over due my lovE.

Be a better person you were than you were the day before.

No matter where I go,
Where the winds of change flow.
That’s where I’ll be waiting,
For you and you alone.

It’s falling to the floor and not having the energy to get up.
It’s having an anxiety attack when you can’t find your comfort item because your room got cleaned  
It’s trying your hardest not to scream out loud so you don’t have to go back.
A minute of hysteria and numb.

I hate being wrong.
I hate being right.

I will wipe my own tears,
Take in my own breath,
For I know it’ll be years.

We rise and we fall.
Learning to crawl
As we continue to make our call.
I sit and write to you,
So you know my words are true.

Grey an’ sleek.
Strong an’ at your peak.
This moment is yours!
The first steps taken with man,
All in the palm of your hand!
But no hand you bare,
Instead rough padding and claws that are handle with care.
We gifted this name to the one whom fights our demons,
To overcome any trail and error.
He is..
Hercules.

Three years my chest tighten when I wake.
Three years my body trembles when I move.
Three years and I hear the echos of my screams, begging for this to be a dream.
Yet I stand, three years later.
Still hoping for you to come back.

I’ve given my everything to you.
I’ve spoke to you of what is needed.
Everyone was right about us,
We never should’ve tried again.

People pleaser,
A condensed teaser.
Lost in leisure.
Because I’m the pleaser.

A clouded mind,
Relentless thoughts and terrors.
Divided by what should be and what could be.
It was then I realized.


Im still lost.

I’m terrified of thoughts of you,
Believing that I am not worthy of them.
Two days till your birthday,
And I’m still lost.
I accepted the lies that were told,
I wasn’t strong enough to ward their thoughts.
I’m sorry.

I’m soaring through the clouds,
A cloud nine high.
Home.
It’s a glorious feeling,
It’s going to be okay and I can stop bleeding.

That is until..
I start again.
The thoughts,
Negative phrases and screaming sentences.
Pushing out these voices out and without notice,
I’ve pushed you out too.

It’s simple,
Easy.
Like taking off a bandaid,
Yeah right.

I write about you,
Writing as if you’ll read them.
Yet we both know I shouldn’t,
After all, it’s my fault you’re dead.

We talk.
We pick on each other.
You make me smile.
I see your smile.

Everything flows well enough,
For the moment.
Your reassurance gives me hope,
My heart weakens by your grace.

I hope that it will be you,
That I can be with you.
After all the awful things,
My soul still belongs to you.

After all is said and done,
I still love you.

She lays in bed.
A flow of tears cascade down her face.
Screaming into the pillow,
She wishes to say those three words.
Words that hold so much to them,
Mean so much.
A deep inhale and a wipe of her eyes,
Into the darkness she sees a figure,
The one she wishes to see.
She whispers,
I love you.

Stuck in love,
Lost in hopelessness.
Yet here you are,
Showing something stronger than I.

You say true love never stops;
A continuous cycle of positive and negative outcomes.
Frightened of the events that had occurred,
Yet here you are.

I haven’t a clue how to continue,
A calm conversation that’s never happened.
Even though my anxiety is shooting through the roof,
I give this conversation to you.

Even though I’m *******,
I’d still do anything for you..

Whether it is a blessing or a curse.
My darling you,
Are worth it.

We wandered around,
Zia at our heals trying to keep up.
That’s when we saw it.
Floating effortlessly in the air,
A mass of beautiful colors.
Only three.

We walked towards the swarm of reds, yellows, and orange colors and they moved,
Flying around us to create our own bubble.
So unbelievable,
I couldn’t believe it had I not seen it.
Zia snapping at air to collect them in her mouth.

You pulled me into a side hug and held me there,
Taking in the beauty I saw as well.
“This is awesome. Now I get why you always come out here. Always something new to find.”
Those words full of sincerity,
And I look at you in awe.
“Who knew Scrub, ladybugs.”

We never found this place,
But it is my favorite place to meet you in.
Only in my dreams,
Where our laughter will echo in forever.

It was the moment you took my hand,
Sang me lullabies to sleep.
Combing your fingers through my hair,
Drifting into an endless dream.
When you slept and I watched you,
I couldn’t help but think this is true.

It was the first time you and I saw each other,
I knew I’d never let a soul touch you.
Glaring at those who tried,
Meeting those who had thought twice.

Of the many nights to have your hand in mine,
I wonder if you know you are mine.
I am yours though,
Bound to you by eternity.

That is where I shall find you again.

I had miscalculated.
I was baited.
And my heart, annihilated.

It’s days like this;
Where I need your comfort.
When I am defeated,
And I can’t keep standing.

I beg for you;
To save me from my turmoil.
You kept away the thoughts,
Held me to the skies.

I scream throughout my body;
Wishing for you to take me.
In the end,
Im still on a list.

Forever waiting.

I think of you from time to time.
It’s ineluctable.
It’s a shame.