Star Gazer: Favorites

Jan 2017 Star Gazer

Your Words

Jan 2017 Star Gazer

elizabeth

Reading through your beautiful words,
My tears begin to fall.
Sloppy, wet, all over my desk;
I'd never let anyone see me this way.
Because when I'm like this,
There isn't anything you can do.
I'm feeling too much at this point,
And you may as well just leave me alone.

Reading your lovely words,
My tears are now streaming.
Drenched, sopping, my shirt is soaked;
I'd never let anyone see me this way.
Because when I'm like this,
Even I can't do anything.
I'm overwhelmed at this point,
And I may as well not even try to stop.

Reading your sweet words,
My tears are pouring down.
Flooded, sloshing, my room is filled.
I'd never let anyone see me this way.
Because when I'm like this,
I can't breathe, and my head spins.
I'm falling in love with every word,
And I may as well keep reading.

December 31, 2016.
I've fallen in love with every single one of your poems. Please never stop writing, Star.

#sadness #tears #beautiful #friend #poems #sweet #inlove #lovely #wet #sloppy

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

Always a Catch to Perfection

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

Corvus

Always a Catch to Perfection

Desire. It's the storm cloud that creeps
Across the skull and blocks the light of common sense.
It's the janitor with a hidden agenda
That doesn't allow any light bulb to come on.
A Svengali swinging a pendulum left to right,
Until the mind is at its complete beck and call.

Desire. It reaps millions of butterflies;
Grown in the stomach. Wanting to be free.
It's the cause of the tension in your body.
The tsunami in your eyes. The quaking of the hands.
Most importantly, it's the internal burning sensation
That spreads to become a hole in the heart.

Desire. It's the delicate crumbling of anxiety
That melts with the comforting warmth of relief.
The fire of temptation; burning so sweet
As sweat collects upon victims unknown.
The aching in the muscles, the knocking in the chest
Of a heart whose cavity has been patched up.

Desire. It's the patch that frays over time
And the hole is re-opened. Tears re-flood.
The trembling vocal chords and the cracking voice
That fall like foundations under searing heat.
The eventual destruction and its finality
That hit you with a dull metallic taste in the mouth.

Finally knowing that no matter how bad you want it,
You will never own it unless under its own terms.
Advice? Read the fine print.

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

On Demand

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

Lady RF - Rosalie Fayad

On Demand

I've made mistakes,
More than I care to remember,

I'm the only one
That I can blame,
I began making them
The year that I was born--43 years ago
In December.

My intentions,
Where always, to do good,
But somehow it always backfired,

Someone always got hurt -
Usually me!
I think it's the way
That I was built and wired.

God knows how hard I always tried,
But I never could get it right,

Selfish people's darkness
would always drown my sunshine
and steal my daylight.

I never wanted to hurt a soul,
But I only had two choices:
Make someone else happy--and be miserable!

Or,

Make choices,
So that I may be happy--and become invisible!

I was never a bad person - On the contrary,
I was too good!

The biggest mistake I ever made,
Was not doing what I wanted -
What I knew, I should.

The moral of this little story
Is quite simple to understand...

Be a kind, good-natured human,
But don't live your life on demand!

I would love to say
That I have no regrets,

But I can't lie to anyone,
Or to myself;
You see, my heart...
It never, ever, forgets.

~ I'm slowly learning how to forgive myself
for not getting everything right,

I've had help from my precious children,
And from my man...
'Cause, having them, means...
That I got the most important part right!

By Lady R.F ©2016

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

gentle rest (haiku)

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

taia

gentle rest (haiku)

the cozy nights in
spent cuddled up next to you
my serenity

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

Sincerely, Still Alive

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

Alice Baker

Sincerely, Still Alive

I knock on the door, shaking.
They answer, tell me to come in.
"I am not my self" I say.
"That's okay" they say.
I hesitate, brace for impact.
"Its okay" they say.
I stumble, asking for forgiveness.
"For what?" they say.
"For everything"

The past four years have been a triumph of self loathing, of learning to apologize while regretting saying sorry.  I have felt I am not even a person without a bottle or a pill. I do not know where my story began, and where I wish it ended. But I am slowly learning to be okay, to accept myself, I think that is why it has taken me such a long time to write.

The thing is, I don't know who I am, I have been a couple different souls: some are weak, some are strong, some are as passive as ocean sand.

I'm 22, female, and lost.

I have contemplated death many times, I've attempted it even more.  If you are still reading I applaud you.  Bless your soul.

Sincerely,
Still alive

#self #depression #hatred #anxiety #reflection #bipolar

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

Professional Faker

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

elizabeth

Professional Faker

Faking is my specialty;
Didn't you know?
I fake everything,
Everywhere I go!

That smile you saw?
Wasn't that so perfect!
That twinkle in my eye
Was just so terrific!

That laughter at your "joke";
My, that was a performance!
The happiness I showed,
And that stress-free stance!

Everything I do is fake;
Even my own skin.
You don't see the scars;
Neither do my kin.

You don't see the pain
That lies behind my eyes;
You don't see the harm
I'm doing to myself out and inside.

You don't see my suffering,
You only see my mask;
You don't see the anger,
And you don't bother to ask.

No one really wants to know
What's hiding under there;
They only want to know
The happy, sweet, and fair.

No one sees my covered scars,
As new ones start to show;
No one sees my tears,
Nor watches the blood flow.

Why can no one see
Through my smile?
No one's even seen
The real me in a while.

I guess I'm just that good;
It is a full-time job, after all.
I wonder how I shall fake it
When I finally fall?

September 14, 2016.

#suicide #tears #fake #crying #fall #hurt #smile #blood #help #cut

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

No One

Dec 2016 Star Gazer

elizabeth

No One

No One knows

my quiet struggle

every single day.

No One knows

how hard it is

to not turn and

run away.

No One knows,

No One knows.

No One is always

there to help me

see the brighter side;

No One listens

to the way my

poor heart cries.

No One does,

No One does.

No One says

I'm an angel;

that nothing could

taint my pure,

white wings.

But Everyone says

that I'm stained.

Everyone says the

meanest, cruelest things.

Everyone says,

Everyone says.

Everyone thinks

I'm ugly, and hates

the way I sing.

Everyone loves

to break my

beautiful angel wings.

No One helped me

fix them up, and

dried all my tears.

No One says

he loves me,

and that he'll

face all my fears.

No One loves me,

No One loves me.

No One gives me

hope, in my years

to come.

No One says

"It'll get better!"

as my heart beats

like a drum.

No One hopes for me,

No One hopes for me.

No One tried

to save me,

from this ledge

of pain and misery.

No One helped

me down and

held me gingerly.

No One cares,

No One cares.

No One loves me,

No One cares;

No One will always

be there.

No One wants me,

No One cried

when I tried

to jump; but

No One convinced

me otherwise.

Everybody has known No One at sometime or another. Sadly, I'm with him every day.

#hurt #struggle #noone #everyone #angelwings