Pinup girls swinging from the trees
Rosy cheeks and shiny knees
Flickering lights behind my eyes
Rolling clouds hanging in the sky
Closing my lids to the sweet respite
Beautiful euphoria sweeping through the night
Twinkling stars burning up in light
Lovers basking in the moon's delight
Cotton sticking in my throat
Like the words I never spoke
Dragonflies humming above the pond
Fleeting notes of lovers song
I feel the nerves beneath my skin
Alive and buzzing from the warmth of winds
Kissing collarbones with empty lips
Like it did when we were kids
Bees crawling up my neck
With fragile wings and dainty legs
I dreamed I was the queen of them
Proctecting me in the face of death

I was just one of the many patches
On your studded leather jacket

Let's go back
To the way it used to be
Oblivious to you
As you were oblivious to me
Let's go back
To the times before
When it was all a joke
And nothing more
Let's go back
To the way it was
When I didn't crave
Your gentle touch
When the little things
Were just enough
Let's go back
To before we fell in love

I didn't have any pockets
Sp I held my change instead
It felt strangely awkward
Breaking the cycles in my head
I didn't have any pockets
I had nowhere to keep your love
You gave it to me anyway
For miles and miles to lug
I tried to let you down easy
I tried to let you know
I tried to make my own pockets
But didn't know how to sow
I hurt myself to keep your love
Now we don't talk
You think I'm unjust
But your pockets are full of weight
You only gave "love" to take and take

There are those who live in the moment
And those who chase it
Legs burning
Heart pounding
Worthless races

I've never liked my handwriting much
It's small and crooked
Sometimes spaced sometimes bunched
I've got so many things that I want to say
I jot them down pen racing away
Pages in I start to feel the pain
The burning and tingling most artists face
Now that I think
My pendmanship's not so bad
I'm grateful to live in an era that
Still interprets pen and ink
Still requires humans to think
Life will go on
And I will die
Never knowing
The reasons why
Never seeing
Cars that fly
Life will go on
And I will die

Please be okay
I hope you’re alright
I can’t handle anything else
I can’t spend another night
Drowning myself in tears
Passing the day in sighs
Please just take care
Please oh please don’t die

I can't feel my lips
Like they don't even exist
Eyelashes kiss my cheeks
Fluttering little lids
I feel warm and comfy
Like I did when we were kids
I'm addicted to the feeling
I wish it was always like this
When I'm not up I'm down
Like six feed underground
When I'm up I'm through the clouds
Ignoring everyone around
So absorbed in my own mind
Thoughts are tightropes strung in lines
I know the feeling will fade in time
But I feel the glow, warm and bright
I'm just so ******* pretentious
I just wanted to catch your interest
But you're just so hard to impress
You outshine me like an empress
I'll always be second to you
But one day you're gonna feel it too
One day I'll be the end of you
And no one will ever remember you
I hope you feel like a ******* fool
I hope someone uses you like a tool
I hope you fall into endless despair
Cause when you do I'll never be there

I'm sorry I don't remember
All the things you do
Dates and numbers
Waning crescents and full moons
I don't remember when you get off work
I forget to text you back
I leave makeup brushes and shirts
But I know for a fact
That I love you
So, so much
It might not seem like it
But I can't get enough
I remember
What the words on your chest mean
I actually remember lots of things
I remember how you write your name
I know how you like your tea
A tad of honey
Never over steeped
I know how you breathe
Just before you sleep
Quiet jokes and odd dreams
You show up with flowers and cards
And I show up in ripped jeans
But I swear I remember
At least the little things

I'd like to think
That at least one time
As the mess that is "me"
Happens to walk by
That someone around
A complete stranger to me
Has turned their head
And maybe just maybe thought
That I was
P r e t t y

Relying on numbers
And blank screens
We walk around headless
Mindlessly
Somehow convinced
That we know what it means
Yet we wander
Aimlessly

I look for you
In fallen snow
In lost goodbyes
And unsaid hellos
I look for you
In unremembered dreams
I look for you
In worthless things

Love is a joke
With no punch line
A trap we fall into
Time after time

African sunshine
Blacken my skin
African sunshine
Feeds melanin
I won't be ashamed
Of where my roots lie
I'll embrace the color
Of African sunshine

I've lost you over a thousand times
In this dreaming mind of mine
Missing you in subtle ways
Counting numbers and passing days
I wish you the best yet, hope the worst
Hope you're not truly happy, being with her
But I know you wouldn't waste your time
In worthless words and meaningless lines
I hope you find
A place back home
A cozy place
To call your own
I know its over
Though I hate to say
Everything's felt so empty
Since you've been away

I'll ask you a question
The answer ingrained in my mind
Just to hear your voice
Just to see you smile

There'll always be someone better
Makes it so easy to just forget her

Who gives a ****
If it makes her sad
You'll come back around
And she'll be glad

I hate you I wish you were dead
You're a parasite digging in my head
You use your claws to pull my strings
I go insane, fingers pointing at me
No one sees you behind the scenes
They just see me going crazy
You're a demon freed from hell
Im a yolk inside your shell
Just **** me please put me to rest
Or will you torture me instead
I've never felt this violent before
Over someone who I used to adore
**** me in the most painful way
Cut out my tongue and the ****** taste
And I'll never lie again
I'm sorry for the things I said

When you smile
It takes my breath away
Could you have been alive
Before today?
How could perfection
Like you exist?
I'll never tell you
I'm feeling like this
Let's go to Paris
Set adrift on love
Even if the boat tips
I'll never give you up
I love your orange flare
I love your short brown hair
With you everything's so clear
In your gentleness I'm ensnared
You're like powdered sugar
Sweet and light
Hidden in a jar
A secret delight
Yellow hot air balloons overhead
Lazily taking flight
Baskets tumbling down to earth
Cool dusk air inside
I'm so glad to have met you now
Mademoiselle Madeline

Your casket was open
And you were inside
I stood in disbelief
Had you really died?
Everyone around me
Overflowing with grief
And yet I stood shaking
Trembling in disbelief
I knew I looked foolish
Yet I couldn't stop
Flowers adorned your grand casket
A cross on top
Everywhere around me
Time seemed to stop
I couldn't believe
It was you in that box
A pearly white rosary
Clutched mockingly in your hand
According to the Priest
This was all God's plan
And as we lay you down
Amidst the dead man's land
Rain fell softly
I felt my heart expand
And painfully squeeze
Inside my chest
I stood in disbelief
And tried my best
To remain composed
Among the rest
Of abandoned souls
You'd finally left

I hate that you follow me into my dreams
The fact that I'm "safe" is hard to believe
I can't erase the image of you waiting for me
When all I wanted to do was run to safety
But because of dreadful family ties
Because of zipped lips and petty lies
I gingerly approached you with tears in my eyes
You know my address
And it keeps me up at night

Water splashing
Beneath my feet
My heart crashing
Ripping at the seams
Tears dripping down my cheeks
I'm still alive
Running through the streets
Trying to stay alive
I desperately flee
From my own mind
And the emptiness that feasts
Trying to escape the last goodbye
And the pain it brings

Trailing in circles
Can't ever catch up
Jumping over hurdles
Chasing the drugs
Nothing lasts forever
It's never enough
All alone chasing
This illusion of love

I wonder what's at
The end of the road
The squiggling heat
A portal to the untold
But drawing near
As the tires roll
It disappeares
A world unknown

The drugs make me eat
And then fall asleep
The things that I need
To stay on repeat
And say the same things
To contribute to this thing
That everyone else does
To chase the blue's and green's
And never give up

Sometimes it's hard to understand
The sacred fragility of this land
It is far beyond the hands of man
Spilling through fingers eternally like sand
The oceans kiss the blushing shores
Forever and ever are sunsets to adore
And floating off the horizon's shine
Is a decadent island of filth and grime
On this island no one can survive
But still it stands, lackluster and bright
It's creators turn and shield their eyes
Out of sight is out of mind

Day after lazy day
Night after long dreaming night
Sluggish pendulums sway
Left and right
Asleep yet awake
Thinking of what it might be like
To just drift away
Erased from everyone's minds

In a distant dream
I remember us
And many things
That are now lost
I remember my jacket
In a small photograph
I remember asking
As you would laugh
And now I know
Why you were so content
On capturing every
Seemingly worthless moment
Things wouldn't always
Be that way
You hid unsaid words
Behind a smile unswayed
Where are you now
Underneath this snowfall
Would you pick up?
If I called?
Am I a figment of your imagination
Or are you a production mine?
I really do think about you
All the time
I cherish the feeling
Of skin upon skin
Remembering he times
Our hands perfectly fit
And though in every word
I tell a beautiful tale
You hurt me so badly
My life is jail
Because of the things you did
Because of the things you said
Echoing long and loud
Inside this lonely head
All those harsh actions
Making me wish I was dead
I'll never get to unwrap presents with you
You'll never smile like that again

French flowers
In the sun
Gentle showers
On the run
Hurrying, smiling
Beneath the rain
Speaking kindly
Words in vain
Seasons changed
We were still the same
Cupping snow
Like whitish paint
Spread upon a lonely gray
Cloudy skies
Above hideaways
Thunder booming
Crashing waves
Cool, calm safety
At the bay
You filled nature with something new
But I'll still adore it, even without you

Ripped abruptly
From the soil
Thrown to work
And tireless toil
Never again to see
The gentle light of day
Only to weep and wish
The ticking time away
Pastel colored dreams
All melting into one
Longing for something warm
Yet too bashful to seek the sun

There was a house on a hill
With a roof of hay
It's walls were made
Of ocean spray
The grass grew wild
And tall all around
The house was old
Deeply rooted in ground
Some say it was
The last untouched place
As trees were plowed
And taken away
Woodwork scattered
The industry rang in
The old house still stood
Resisting the changing winds
And finally when it came
When there was no more space
They went and took
The house away
It was gone
And all that remained
Was scattered hay
And ocean spray

Feeling lethargic
Forgetting how to breath
Or simply forgetting
That breath is entering me
Slipping into oblivion
Yet still functioning somehow
Hypocritical *******
Flowing out of my mouth
I'm just saying what you wanna hear
I'm just hearing what you have to say
Slipping in and out on the floor
Dreaming the day away
Facing turning blue
Unaware of the threat
Looming over me
That is sudden death

It's no fun
To meet up anymore
I'm a broken record
A revolving door
I say anything
You want me to say
If you put me somewhere
I swear I'll stay
I'm an empty cup
Waiting to be filled
I take and take
Then tip over and spill
I'm that last leaf
On a tree in the fall
Everyone's moved on
But I'm scared of it all
It's no fun
To meet up anymore
The girl you know is gone
I'm a vacant lifeless corpse

Hopelessly awake
Lying in bed
Papers litter the floor
Screaming words I should've said

I don’t want to be admitted again
I think I’ve just been missing my old best friend
It feels so free to be by myself
When no one can tell me I’m crazy and need help
I just tell them I’m working on things
Even if I don’t really know what that means
I’m so happy when I’m alone
When others are around it never shows
I can’t let others influence my mood
When everyone says you’re sick, what else can you do?
When everyone points the finger at you
When it’s wrong to even speak or move
Some days I just block it all out
It’s always disrespectful
Whether I’m quiet, or running my mouth

The light can't find us
Where we're headed
It cries out softly
Spilling into a shallow crevice
Light can't reach us
Where we're going
Abandoning everything
We spent our whole lives knowing
Unsure if we'll ever feel it's rays again
Beaming down on golden, suntanned skin
Where we're going
Light dares not to dwell
So to it's warmth
We say farewell
Hiding from the light
We abandoned our masks
And sink into darkness
Free at last

I wish I could stop moving
And never move again
All these worthless, empty words
They'll never understand
All these sessions I can't remember
Every ticking office clock
All these things I wouldn't ever
Think of now refuse to stop
Chanting over and over
In my overwhelmed head
I want to rip out my hair and scream
I wanna tell everyone I wish I was dead
I want to go to the busiest place
In this wretched town
And finally loose control
Throwing myself on the ground
I want the police to come and restrain me
To put cuffs on my wrists
I want them to lock me away where I belong
And allow me to be consumed by the things in my head

You make my lonely world
Something worth living for
Even though the girls
Are blonde with hair curled
You make me feel pretty
In an ugly sort of way
You take the imperfections with me
And everything feels okay
Like I can be the demon
I was always meant to be
Everything I'm feeling
Is too much to believe
I wanna let go of these habits
And be addicted to you instead
Life's so rich and lavish
With you trapped in my head
I'd forgotten life's thrilling highs
Beneath rolling summer skies
Living, breathing everything's alright
I can let go of the things I hide
The anxiety that itches away
I'll save it for another day
Another time when you're not around
On the outskirts of my mind
Spinning round and round

When the thought crosses my mind
That you might not even know
Just how the loss of you
Shattered my brittle soul  
I can't help suddenly cringe
And shut my eyes tight
Your love I tried to win
My heart wounded in the fight

I get so scared when you call
I know the numbers don’t add up at all
I get so nervous talking to you
The same old worries, nothing new
It seems there’s this big fall looming over me
Much more severe than scraping a knee
Maybe the ground will break beneath my feet
Only God knows what’s beneath
I have to keep my mind from these thoughts
Everyday I’ve got no choice but to carry on
There are so many people
Living different lives
Problems much more significant than mine
Real issues, real people
I don’t care if I’m your equal
I don’t care what I am to you
Same old worries, nothing new