Dead skin under fingernails
Chewed up lips and dried tears trails
Adrift upon the wave of calm
That followed the storm that rages on
It's subtle now, rumbling in my chest
It won't give me a moments rest
With just the bump of a restless wave
It consumes my body in raging flames
In its glow I still see your name
When everything's gone it still remains

Islands of paradise basking in the sun
Situated on the horizon, untouched and un-run
Gazing out into the glow I see you and I
In the rustic smolder, where our loves still alive
I see the person I was meant to be
The shimmering dream vessel that encapsulates me
My ship sways lazily drunk on melancholy dreams
The glamour of this paradise is just a bitter tease
I see the light so bright but cannot feel it's warmth
I see it green and shimmering from your dock's shore
I raced against fate to capture the dream
I lost myself in the chase, and still it's all I see

I found a new love
It’s stuck by my side
It takes me above
The worries in my mind
I’ve thrown it away a thousand times
Thinking it was too good to be mine
It’s scary giving your heart a chance
Allowing yourself to be held in the hands
Of invisible fate that hangs over me still
I can’t control it, what’s bound to happen simply will
Life is so much better living in the now
Not worrying when, or where, or how
In this moment I’m free of guilt
I’m forgetting a million things
But for now it’s nice to just
Chill

This life’s so long
I just wish it would end
Before you move on
Cause you’ve seen who I am

Will you still love me
When my beauty fades
Cause I’m good for nothing
I’m weak, I’m insane

Do you still love me
I’m more than afraid
I can’t eat
I can’t sleep
I need you to stay

I try so hard
To be strong in my mind
I build myself up
Then fail every time

I keep having this dream
And I’m watching myself
Lying down in a casket
So peaceful and still

So far away from the things that I’ve done
Can’t be touched by anyone
Can’t be told I’m not good enough
Cause I’m finally dead and I’m finally gone

And all the ones that called me weak
That cut me down to meet their needs
Needed me to scoff and say
“At least I’m not living that way”

They flock to see my lifeless corpse
And poke fun one last time of course
Cause she was the worst of us all
The lowest, how dare she struggle and fall

And that confirms it, you’ve seen it first here
Watching I shudder, my very worst fear
She’s everything we said she was
A terrible daughter, always worrying us
She does it for attention
“Wait that’s not what we meant”
Your opinions don’t matter cause I’m already dead

I spent my life wishing
That you would come around
Eternally hoping
You'd catch me coming down
***** swirls on porcelain
Round and round and round
I see my own reflection
And you're nowhere to be found

It's already over
So just move on*
But God ******
It feels so wrong
You told me forever
And I guess it's been that long
I lost track of time
I can't believe you're gone

I found something that’s better than rejection
It’s turned into a quiet obsession
It started out easy
Just once in a while
Friends started leaving
Regret began to pile
I found something magical
It never gets old
It’s more important than friends or goals
I can’t stand eye contact
I do what I’m told
I’ll go as far as I have to go
I wouldn’t really say
That there’s anything wrong
But on quiet days
I have to face
Most of my friends are gone
It’s a pain that’s temporary
I won’t feel it for long
Once the magic fades away
Again the chase is on

You'll go off
To do great things
You'll meet great people
And forget about me
But the memory of you
Will stay forever
You've cut open my heart
And forcibly entered
I didn't want
To let you in
But here you are
My special friend
You're going places
So very far
You've torn apart
My tethered heart
With your wide smile
And your twitching brows
As you're speaking to me
Without any sound
The way your hands move
So swiftly and smooth
I love your language
I'm in love with you

Blind in my right eye
Alive in the night time
I wish I was alright
So I say I'm "just fine"
Voices like wind chimes
Caught up in chasing time
I take a hit, it feels sublime
Like summertime sunshine
I won't pretend I'm someone I'm not
I'm just so tired of chasing clocks
Fell asleep and missed my stop
Even now life never stops

I think it takes a few of my bones
To keep them all together
Maybe they're just hanging on their own
Maybe it's a joint effort
It feels like they're crumbling beneath my skin
When I'm feeling under the weather
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Why is it so easy to forget her?

The writing's on the wall
Yet I still can't seem to grasp
The fact that you're gone
And you're never coming back

Underneath the boiling night sky
I felt the heat of your hand in mine
I couldn't breathe most of the time
Entrapped in steam and starlights shine
I never wondered how I looked
Enchanted and lost within loves book
My eyes locked on a single spell
Your heart was mine, far as I could tell
I never wondered if you'd stay
Or if this heat would dissipate
Or if the love would fade away
But you chose her and that's okay

I wish I didn't **** up so much
I wish it was easier to get in touch
I wish the words were just enough
But they're hollow and meaningless
Like the "friends" and the drugs
You've been singing a different song
You don't know the words but you hum along
There's a harmony of right and wrong
Sometimes it's hard to decide which one
I don't have the voice to sing acapella
But you sing the same old songs and I'm fed up
I know I'd never be the one to step up
So I've decided I won't sing at all
Anything to go against the grain
Anything to show I'm not the same
You talk and talk
But you'll never walk
So what's the ******* point anyway?

This is the worst it's ever been
It's raining outside
Can't get back in
My keys are buried in the ground
Guess I was hoping they wouldn't be found
Now they're just impossibly deep
Too far for you, way beyond me
I can see them in my mind
Taunting me behind my eyes
I shouldn't have left but I did
Singing birds and screaming kids
Empty hands - lost fingertips
This is the worst it's ever been

I don’t think I’m a bad person
I just let it get to the point
Where I’m only really hurting,
Feeling so frustrated and annoyed
Because I think and think
About what I am and what I do
Sometimes I think I’m at the brink
Of crazy not confused
I must somehow escape my mind
And run as fast as I can
I wish I’d just go blind
So I won’t fear the things at hand
I don’t think I’m bad at all
I just get hung up on my thoughts
I need to get outside my head
And be grateful for what I’ve got

The end of something beautiful
Is drawing near
And there's nothing we can do
To stop it I fear
We knew it was coming
Yet we let it creep up
Until it was screaming
Strangling us
I'm so afraid
A fear more than just change
I really want you to stay
I can't imagine a day
Without your smile
So wide and bright
Cheek to cheek
Innocent and light
For no reason more
Than unbroken joy
A joy that I'll always envy
Through eyes darting and coy
Oh God I'll miss you
And your little gifts
I wish I could have helped you
I wish I could have stopped this
Or was it simply inevitable
You've accepted it
And so have I
But it always hurts so badly
Saying goodbye

I made a promise years ago
I made it without thought
I made a promise recklessly
To use my brain I 'ought
I put my hand proudly in yours
To let you down I'd die before
I made a promise in the heat of youth
And aged so bitterly
Poisoned by it's truth

It hurts to leave bed
It hurts to cry
It hurts to stay
And wonder why
There's so many thoughts
In this dizzy head
That swirl round and round
Full of hurt and dread
And then the guilt
For feeling this way
For not getting up and trying
To chase the day
But I'm tired of running
I'd rather walk
I'd rather lay down on the tracks
And watch the clock

You make my lonely world
Something worth living for
Even though the girls
Are blonde with hair curled
You make me feel pretty
In an ugly sort of way
You take the imperfections with me
And everything feels okay
Like I can be the demon
I was always meant to be
Everything I'm feeling
Is too much to believe
I wanna let go of these habits
And be addicted to you instead
Life's so rich and lavish
With you trapped in my head
I'd forgotten life's thrilling highs
Beneath rolling summer skies
Living, breathing everything's alright
I can let go of the things I hide
The anxiety that itches away
I'll save it for another day
Another time when you're not around
On the outskirts of my mind
Spinning round and round

Day after lazy day
Night after long dreaming night
Sluggish pendulums sway
Left and right
Asleep yet awake
Thinking of what it might be like
To just drift away
Erased from everyone's minds

He loves me the way
That you loved me
Gripping my jaw
Making me bleed
Shattering my soul
Bruising my skin
He loves me
Like you did
I've found you
In black eyes
A ****** nose
I miss you so much
I'm numb to the blows
He grabs my hair
And asks me why
And I just laugh
And close my eyes
'Cause when he yells
I think of you
And all the things
You used to do

I don’t really know
What keeps me from them
From all the bad decisions
And broken promises
I keep on running
Too scared to look back
Afraid that there’s something
When it’s nothing in fact
I look ahead
And run from the fear
I can’t see anything now
But something may be near

Your words reminded me
Of things I couldn't believe
All those years it seemed
Everything was just a dream
Tried to be pretty
Tried to be clean
But everyone saw right through me
Caught in the illusion
Dancing through reality
Lost in the confusion
The wicked schemes
And through it all nothing's real it seems
Just the thoughts, the visions
The rest is heat
Lost to mysteries down desert roads
And summer night's breeze
Caressing sails of boats

Will I startle you
When you see me again
With fingers like twigs
Hanging onto a branch
Will you be afraid
To touch my skin
Thin as a sheet
Barely covering what's within
Will you gasp
When you see my face
Cheeks caved in
Eyes a sunken in disgrace
Will you even noticed
That I've changed at all
Will you even realize
How much of me is gone?

I can't erase
The messy white lines
I can't erase them
Even if I tried
In fact I like them
So for the last time
Please don't ask me
If I'm alright

I've trapped you in my thoughts
Helplessly ensnared within my mind
We're wanderers, not lost
Slaves to endlessly limited time
I've trapped you in this moment
I'll never let you go
Your world will continue turning
But mine will start to slow
Savoring the feel of your skin
Memorizing every moment of this
Burning up in the heat
Of your existence against mine
I'll never get this moment back
I can only watch as it slips by
I'll never get this moment back
But when I close my eyes
You're here with me once again
Your warmth is by my side

I like the way
You loom over me
The way the tip of my nose
Touches your chest
I like seeing you
First thing in the morning
Inhaling your sleepy breath
The messy tufts of hair
Scattered all over your head
I love having you around
Despite everything I've said
I'm just protecting my feelings
You know you're too good to be true
You are the meaning of perfection
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To keep you around just a while longer
To make this bond a little stronger
You're going places
And I'm going nowhere
But while you're in this ****** town
Just stay here

I’m done with wishing

It’s gotten me nowhere

I’m done just existing

Standing silently there

There are more ways to be present

Than being mindlessly loud

I don’t want to feel restless

Wondering how I look, and sound

Wishes are empty

What does it mean

To promise someone something

You only had within a dream

I don’t want to know

And I don’t want to see

I don’t want to hear

How cowardly of me

I thought of this off the top of my head
The wind really ***** when the light's almost dead
I turn my back or try cupping my hand
If that doesn't work, find a new place to stand
Sometimes the trees start to freak me out
Looking so alive like they'd scream and shout
If they had a voice I wonder what they'd say
"My arms are asleep and the suns in my face" ?
They must see a lot being stuck in one place
Giving us life as we take it away
I'm so greedy but it's not the same
I often see things I'd like to take
Before I reach out I feel so ashamed
There isn't much value attached to my name
I'd rather wait, there's less risk involved
Every time I take a chance I end up losing it all

I'll ask you a question
The answer ingrained in my mind
Just to hear your voice
Just to see you smile

And I'm so sorry for pushing you away
All I ever wanted was for you to stay

I don't want to forget
But my memory betrays
Everything I've held onto
Is slipping away
It's for my own good
It's been haunting me for years
Pulling at my strings
Lurking in my fears