You say you don’t know me anymore

Truth be told I’m the same old girl

My hearts been hardened by this world

I’ve been on my own, I’ve been hurt

Lots of stuff happened beneath the silence

My teeth have grown in, I’m no longer smiling

The holes in my mouth sank into my soul

I’m just so tired of being alone

I’m just so tired of waiting for you to come home

Young love is dead, hearts already broke

Broken confidence walking on broken bones

I don’t know me, no one knows

There are no “friends” in this life of hell

I’m hollow just like an empty shell

I don’t know what I want, I can never tell

Can’t remember where I fell

I’m pretty sure I died long ago

My body’s succumbed to some troubled soul

Looking in the mirror, I try to reinvent myself

Lost in the silence, with no one to help

I can see why you'd be mad
I can see the times we had
A movie when I close my eyes
Happy days and better times
When I try to get out now
It's wrong, I really don't know how
When you asked what keeps me sane
I should've said what I wanted to say
I can see why you'd be mad
You're all I've really ever had
I close my eyes and run so fast
Stumbling along this rocky path
I should've called when I had the chance
I threw away the trust we had

I'm just an after thought
Pick up where you left off
Forget about me
Like I came in 16th
Hundreth in a marathon
Running through your mind
Tell me do you think of me
Even just sometimes ?
I'm dying in your memories
A dwindling fire
Till I'm up in smoke
A lost hope
A burnt out desire

Geometric shapes on the floor
***** sneakers, scuffs galore
Hunched over hiding from the light
Mocking from above, loud and bright
One dead flower in the bunch
It's subtle colors weren't enough
Only enough water in the vase
For those that grow steadily, a silent race
Fear lingering underneath fingernails
Ignoring grafitti and worthless details
Word's scratched into rusty stalls
Petals withering like leaves in the fall
Losing grips on whatever's real
Cut up fingers clutching the wheel
Guiding headlights through the night
Planning for later, hoping to die
Irritation stinging inside veins
Every voice seems to sound the same
Holding onto all this pain
Just to stay a little insane

I'll pretend to love you
Keep you company for a while
I'll dump your *** on love sick's curb
When you've grown out of style
You come crawling back
On red palms and achy knees
Maybe I'm just unavailable
After the world I've seen
I'll keep you around for a while
'Till she catches on and finds out
I'll keep you around
'Till you've grown out of style

I keep licking this tree
But the sap is gone
It's all dried up
We're moving on
We're getting old
Both you and I
In lots of ways
We both can fly
But also too scared
To flirt with the sky
I felt a little bold
And punched you goodbye
Now all I want
Is to kiss your black eye
I can't tell if what I did
Was wrong or right
I ripped you away
Attached at my side
Burst open the veins
That kept us alive
Tore open wounds
Stretched the lies
Our love was an ocean
But it's overtime gone dry

Sleepless nights
Turn into
Sleepy days
Everything starts to
Look the same

Knew there was nothing
Just wanted to believe
Wanted to hang on
It all felt so sweet
I'm sick to my stomach
Down on my knees
I knew there was nothing
I Just wanted to believe
All the things you said
So sweetly to me
I held them to no value
But still I see
The truth in the end
Is still what it seemed
I knew there was nothing
Just wanted to believe

Sometimes I dream of a place in my mind
It doesn’t quite go with the pace of life’s time
What would I find if it took me away?
I’d find myself ending an unproductive day
Nothing means anything if it’s in your head
So just let it go and put things to rest
Think of the good things in life instead
Life’s never difficult till you’re nearly dead
I don’t want anyone to know how I feel
My feelings make sense only to strangers, who listen at will
Strangers who don’t know who I am
Strangers who come and go as they can
I never want to rely on someone
I want to throw off my shoes and run
I want the ground to harden my feet
One day no one will say I am weak

After all the love I had to give
I would have never thought it'd end like this

Who gives a ****
If it makes her sad
You'll come back around
And she'll be glad

It won't always be like this
These are the days I swear I'll miss

I hold my head underwater
And take a deep breath
Waiting longer and longer
Inviting sweet death
I close my eyes and feel the pain
Of a million things I'll never say
The anxious thoughts they start to fade
As my mind starts to stray
I'll never live to see the day
That's free of anguish and endless pain
There's nothing left to loose or gain
There's no reason left to stay
There's nothing left to say
What's said is said, never goes away

Rabbits jumping
From line to line
Infinitely looping
As if in time
To the steady heartbeat
To which the world exists
Everything
Comes back to this

When I cry myself to sleep
I think of you, beneath white sheets
Sleeping soundly, completely at peace
My heart is pounding whilst adrift on a dream
I lie here dying it's so hard to breath
There's so many things you wouldn't believe
The summer flowers are soaked in rain
You've found cover while I'm drenched in pain
The whitish scars they spell your name
Killing time and hopping trains
I remember the land that used to roll
And all the fields we used to roam
The watercolor bruises, running from home
Fleeing from the hurt with no where to go

I think of you when I see the sun
Shining so kindly upon everyone
Slowly dying, radiating love
You always keep trying
You never give up
All I want is to be like you
I still find beauty watching the moon
The sun that warms us is also a star
There are so many, so far apart
But you are the greatest
I need you the most
Stars are pretty ‘till they blow up in smoke
And then they’re gone but you remain
The greatest gift, you never change

If there's a thousand places
That you'd rather be
Then don't waste your youth
Wasting away with me
If your mind is wandering
From the words on my lips
Then go and run off
With the other kids
The last thing I want
Is for you to feel like I do
And I feel like I trap you
Every time we hang
So please don't drag this out
I won't beg you to stay
Just please save yourself
I'm wasting away

In the darkness of night
You stole the sky's stars
You took each twinkling light
Those near and those far
You left the moon to cry
Without her stars so bright
Even the moon gets lonely
From time to time

I want to take this world
And grab it by the hair
Beat it up like that girl
That got me expelled last year
I’ll pull out it’s tracks
Leave them in the street
It’s fun to be a badass
Fists clenched, bare feet
It’s probably not good
To let myself get this mad
If I was smarter I would
Find an outlet that
Won’t get me arrested
And read my rights
I’m tired of domestics
And red and blue lights

The season's change
Has crept up on me
Far more quickly
Than I'd like to believe
Already brittle
And not as green
Waving goodbye
In fallen leaves
Soon it'll be fall
Then a blanket of snow
And finally summer again
Before we know

I'm a broken record dying to be played
Stranded up on a shelf
Lonely and afraid

You want me for one reason
I want you for a few
I make you feel alive
You give me something to do

Your eyes roll around
In their tiny hiding slits
Lazily taking me in
Enjoying all of this
Stray strands of hair
Black as the darkest night
Hang over your forehead
Like a drape hiding the light
Your fingers search for something
Like a vulture soaring high
Swooping down to steal me
Creeping up and down my spine
Your skin is pale as ever
You're thin as a corpse
But underneath the clothes you wear
There's hidden strength of course
I know it well and I dare not defy
There's a spark of something in your eye
When your face lowers
Closer and closer to mine
Your smell intoxicates
My dizzy dreaming mind
I can't tell if you're my dissociation
Or if my dissociation is you
So I'll hold onto spinning illusions
And tiny peeking clues
I'll cling to the warmth of a body
Breathing slowly beside mine
I'll wish upon the silent words
Exchanged through lost time

Who broke your happiness?
And chased your smile away?
Who stole you from me?
You look so sad these days
I'll listen to every single word
You'll ever have to say
To see that same smile once again
Glowing on your face

My love is like an ocean
It's depth is unknown
I wish I knew what to say
I wish I wasn't so cold
I know my moment is far away
I'm sensible enough, I know the space
I know the distance between you and I
It exists physically but solely in my mind
There are a million ways to get to you
But time can never be removed
If my love breaks gently like waves against the shore
It will simply return to its place before
How can I learn if I can't recall what's past
Where do I find a joy that will last
I know the answers are within myself
Every feeling must be felt
Every thought has a place
Why do I numb myself so I won't have to face
The problems I just try to sleep away
The worries that settle beneath my eyes when I wake
And spread over my skin like a mask on my face
They always greet me, once again
Whether I ignore, or recognize them
Some evil things are not affected by time
They will forever remain until love is mine

I wish I could stop moving
And never move again
All these worthless, empty words
They'll never understand
All these sessions I can't remember
Every ticking office clock
All these things I wouldn't ever
Think of now refuse to stop
Chanting over and over
In my overwhelmed head
I want to rip out my hair and scream
I wanna tell everyone I wish I was dead
I want to go to the busiest place
In this wretched town
And finally loose control
Throwing myself on the ground
I want the police to come and restrain me
To put cuffs on my wrists
I want them to lock me away where I belong
And allow me to be consumed by the things in my head

The day you began seeing me
As you see everyone else
Was the day I tried to stick up for myself
The day I said what I knew to be true
Was the day I became nothing to you

I had a dream about us
Before I said the things I did
I felt the warmth of your love
Like the sun's gentle kiss
We'd run around in the backyard
Pretending we were fish and sharks
Grandma said don't open your eyes
Rainbows dancing 'round the lights
The chlorine burned but it's fun to see
Changing shapes and warped little feet
I carried you, you carried me
Now it's all too heavy for me
Even just to drag myself
I'm always looking for someone's help
I'll never admit when I'm in need
I just get mad when no one sees
My mind is no else's to read
I should really be able to do these things
I had a dream...
Before I said...
Sunburned shoulders...
Chafed and red...
Don't open your eyes...
Be home on time...
No one else can read my mind

Summertime sadness
Black and white spring
Budding flower's madness
Into oddly shapen things
Freezing suddenly into depression
Death in fallen leaves
Everything is backwards
When you're away from me
Dabbling in strange evils
Disregarding the cost
Without you in my ear
Darling I'm just so lost
Rotten flesh tied with ribbons black as coal
The thoughts in silent heads are something no one dares to know
Crooked fingers **** my limbs
Now I'm in trouble
I can't win
I was born without innocence
Stained glass eyes
Rose tinted sin
Swaying diamonds before my eyes
Crumble pathetically into lies
Everything I've ever known
The silent walls that watch this home
Everything that's ever been
It always leads to something like this

Keeping food on the table
Is what he does
He pays the bills
He's way above
Petty arguments
And silly games
About small things
That stay the same
I'll never forget
The sting of his hand
He reminds me everyday
I literally can't
Not that I want to
I want it to stay
He pays the bills
I know my place

The lights flicked on
One by one
They were so bright
Like a thousand suns
Closer and closer
Row by row
Knowing they were coming
My body froze
And finally the light
Poured down upon me
A mess of life
I couldn't speak
I couldn't move
It hurt so bad
Frantically looking
For a thought to grab
But it simply doesn't
Work that way
And the light just wouldn't
Go away
And suddenly an arena
Was built around me
I was on display
For all to see
A disgustingly pathetic
Reclusive freak
Their laser eyes blinking
In robotic sync
I'm hunching over
Head against my knees
Hoping to disappear
From these awful things
But such luck
Just won't come my way
So I'll suffer and suffer
Day by day
No one knows
Just what it's like
To have a hole
So big and wide
Right in the center
Of your heaving chest
Bloodying everything
You cherish best
A hole for wicked hands
To reach inside
And rip out everything
That keeps you alive
So I'll keep looking
For another soul
With stains of blood
Upon their clothes
And when I do
I'll reveal my own
The tragic flaw
That the anxious hold

Take my liver
My kidneys too
Give them to a child
That will grow up to
Be something great
Save the human race
Or even have the strength
To keep themselves awake
And suffer another day
And take another breath
Give them to someone
Who will try their best
Toss away my brain
It's got no use anyway
Take my heart
It's yours to take
Cut me open
Take me out
Make me useful
Without a doubt

Got so sick
I could hardly move
Lying on the floor paralyzed
Thinking of you

French flowers
In the sun
Gentle showers
On the run
Hurrying, smiling
Beneath the rain
Speaking kindly
Words in vain
Seasons changed
We were still the same
Cupping snow
Like whitish paint
Spread upon a lonely gray
Cloudy skies
Above hideaways
Thunder booming
Crashing waves
Cool, calm safety
At the bay
You filled nature with something new
But I'll still adore it, even without you

I wanna make you happy
I wanna make you smile
I wanna be the reason why
Your struggles are worth while

Going fast
Endless laughs
We don't care
If we crash
Life's so short
Yet so long
So who cares
If it's wrong
Let's just live
In the now
Wrapped in the blur
Of sights and sounds

It'll start out
With some girl you met
That made you laugh
That sat by your desk
It'll be the beginning
Of the same old pain
That I felt the last time
Someone went away
I can feel it now
Though comfortably numb
It'll hit me soon
In the same cold rush
As opening the door
On a cold winter's night
How many more days
'Till I lose your smile?

Anxious words slip off the pen
How fast can I jot them down
Before they escape their den
The den of my mind
That's racing all the time
That can't contain all these ideas
For worthless riddles and rhymes
Sometimes I simply have to take a breath
And exhale these thoughts away
A predator does not catch
Every prospective prey

I'm sorry I don't remember
All the things you do
Dates and numbers
Waning crescents and full moons
I don't remember when you get off work
I forget to text you back
I leave makeup brushes and shirts
But I know for a fact
That I love you
So, so much
It might not seem like it
But I can't get enough
I remember
What the words on your chest mean
I actually remember lots of things
I remember how you write your name
I know how you like your tea
A tad of honey
Never over steeped
I know how you breathe
Just before you sleep
Quiet jokes and odd dreams
You show up with flowers and cards
And I show up in ripped jeans
But I swear I remember
At least the little things