In a distant dream
I remember us
And many things
That are now lost
I remember my jacket
In a small photograph
I remember asking
As you would laugh
And now I know
Why you were so content
On capturing every
Seemingly worthless moment
Things wouldn't always
Be that way
You hid unsaid words
Behind a smile unswayed
Where are you now
Underneath this snowfall
Would you pick up?
If I called?
Am I a figment of your imagination
Or are you a production mine?
I really do think about you
All the time
I cherish the feeling
Of skin upon skin
Remembering he times
Our hands perfectly fit
And though in every word
I tell a beautiful tale
You hurt me so badly
My life is jail
Because of the things you did
Because of the things you said
Echoing long and loud
Inside this lonely head
All those harsh actions
Making me wish I was dead
I'll never get to unwrap presents with you
You'll never smile like that again

I’m too tired
To chase after your love
I’d rather lie down and cry
An ocean
A flood
Rocking so sadly
Rolling deep and blue
A pond
A river
Flowing slowly towards you
A steadily flowing stream
Going straight out to sea
Sinking so slowly
Into melancholy dreams
Undercurrents deep
Yet forcefully strong
In this lonely ocean
There’s nothing to hold on
Sinking so slowly
Into a murky abyss
Where there’s nothing to see
And I don’t exist

There was a house on a hill
With a roof of hay
It's walls were made
Of ocean spray
The grass grew wild
And tall all around
The house was old
Deeply rooted in ground
Some say it was
The last untouched place
As trees were plowed
And taken away
Woodwork scattered
The industry rang in
The old house still stood
Resisting the changing winds
And finally when it came
When there was no more space
They went and took
The house away
It was gone
And all that remained
Was scattered hay
And ocean spray

I press my palms
Into my eyes
And whisper a prayer
Hoping to die
I drag myself through
Each miserable day
And whisper a prayer
To end the pain

A sexless marriage
A broken home
An empty face
Cold as stone
Nothing there
The love is gone
Yet why does it hurt
Moving on
To speak the words
Is to make it real
I'm so numb
Yet still able to feel
It hurts so much
Getting through to you
Is like walking on coals
On barefoot heels
I can't be sorry
For what I said
For so many years
I held it in
You said you felt trapped
Locked on the outside
So I gave you a glimpse
Into my troubled mind
I shouldn't have given you
An itemized list
It's Father's Day
And yet I gave you this
But in that moment
Something snapped
The smile I painted
Began to crack
And all my sorrow
Came pouring through
Even so
I still love you

My body is my temple
Contained yet disassembled

Slip into the night with me
In it's darkness we'll be hidden
Let's lay upon the soft spring grass
The nighttime air will chill our skin
My goose bumps are braille for your fingers to read
My raised scars tell my life's story
Slip into the night with me
Sometimes in the darkness
It's easier to see

I peel the skin away from my bones
Blood on my fingers, the smell in my nose
You trace the ribs and it feels like home
A feeling I've never ever known
I bite off my fingers and wrap them in lace
Your eyes are rotting out of your face
Your hair has fallen like autumn leaves
But now you're most beautiful, at least to me
If you break a bone I'll mend it back
I'll press my fingers to your skull when you're sad
And when you begin to fall apart
I'll put you back together from the start

So easy for you to forget me
When I'm choking on smoke
Till I can't breathe
Wishing they'll just go
All these worthless memories
Rotting in my teeth
Like decaying dead bodies
Just sweep me underneath your rug
Stand me up straight, bandage me up
What you said and what you did
The opposite of love
How can I live
Poison burning in my throat
Just to forget the letters we wrote
Just **** me up
Shatter my hope
I'm paying for your sins
Closing the curtains after your shows
I'm begging for death
You're sitting at home
Drowning in hurt
No one knows

First laugh
Never the last
Broken glass
Heart attack
Petty drama
It won't last
Just close my eyes
And wait for it to pass
Bleeding heart
****** tat
In reality
She's never coming back
Pretty girls in my eyes
Jealousy festering in my mind
Crooked smile
Quiet lies
Dancing voices
All in line
Calling softly
From the hall
Vomiting poison
In this stall
Purging for nothing
Losing it all
High school heart break
Where do I fall ?
Mocking numbers fill the page
Crystal clear clarity fades away
Mind numbing screaming
Everything seeming
So ******* easy to those far away
Throwing books upon our backs
Playing with razors and heart attack
Simple things perfect students lack
Forcing smiles and nervous laughs
Dancing, dancing to the sound
Spinning, spinning round and round
Chasing the things they want me to be
Whilst trying not to lose what's left of me

I was just one of the many patches
On your studded leather jacket

I won't stop loving you
'Till you stop loving me
And even when you've up and gone
I'll simply draw up my knees
And hibernate for a while
Dreaming of the days
When our love was young and wild
Before you slipped away

Putting together
The pieces of last night
When have I ever
Gotten that high ?
My phones got a new
Crack in the screen
Watercolor bruises
And cuts on knees
Fumbling around
For wallets and lost keys
I just can't seem
To remember at all
So I'll let it slip away
And seep into the walls

Your casket was open
And you were inside
I stood in disbelief
Had you really died?
Everyone around me
Overflowing with grief
And yet I stood shaking
Trembling in disbelief
I knew I looked foolish
Yet I couldn't stop
Flowers adorned your grand casket
A cross on top
Everywhere around me
Time seemed to stop
I couldn't believe
It was you in that box
A pearly white rosary
Clutched mockingly in your hand
According to the Priest
This was all God's plan
And as we lay you down
Amidst the dead man's land
Rain fell softly
I felt my heart expand
And painfully squeeze
Inside my chest
I stood in disbelief
And tried my best
To remain composed
Among the rest
Of abandoned souls
You'd finally left

Thunder booming
All around
The perfect cover
For our sound
Gentle rain
Falling on our lips
In between
Every fervent kiss
Wrapped up in
The warm gentle winds
Hungry fingers
Graze lonely skin

The wishes that sleep in your heart
The thoughts that take your breath away
The words that tear your mind apart
And keep you up both night and day
The smells are like dreams from the past
And all the things we hoped would last
They shatter like the church stained glass
Catching sunlight, lying in the grass
This fragile image of ourselves
Traps is in this dismal hell
Chasing riches and boundless wealth
These lives were living, the lies we tell
I wonder if the voice has gone
The one that tells us right from wrong
Sometimes I hear it, sometimes I don't
But either way I'll always know

I got high one day
And never came down
Wrapped up in
The sights and sounds
Grass is greener
On the other side
But when you get there
The dreams have died
Arms stretched out
The long green lights
Shimmering softly
Hopes taking flight
I got so high
I lost sight
If anything but pretense
It doesn't apply
Sometimes I feel
Like I'm alright
But I'm stuck in a haze
Long since faded delight
I got high one day
And never came down
Wrapped up in isolation
Wearing a fragile crown
The equilibrium of this world
Is so easily thrown
And one moments riches
Are now crumbling at the throne
All these achievements
Up in smoke
Relying on fantasy
Brittle as bones

I've got the hots for you
In hazy summer blues
My love is cool
Like shady afternoons
I've got you tucked away
Underneath weeping trees
I'll hide you safe
Beneath their canopy
I fell for you
Like swaying leaves
My love is cool
It's yours to keep
I found you in
The petal of a flower
We're far away
But the world is ours
I found you lying
Inside my palm
In the shallow lines
You walked along
I found you amongst
A meadow of tall grass
I searched under the sun
Till I found you at last
My love is cool
I missed you in the past
I was so incomplete
But now my heart beats fast
When you say pretty things
When you say you love me
Something flutters in my chest
I can barely breathe
And in those moments
I can't think
I can only feel
Alive on the brink
Of something so special
I just need
To feel your presence
To feel the heat
My love is cool
But you make it hot
My love will never cease
It will never stop

Ripped abruptly
From the soil
Thrown to work
And tireless toil
Never again to see
The gentle light of day
Only to weep and wish
The ticking time away
Pastel colored dreams
All melting into one
Longing for something warm
Yet too bashful to seek the sun

The more I watch
The more appear
Hooting softly
Far and near
Eyes unblinking
Wide and scared
Watching motionlessly
Waiting there
Time occurs
In a sequence so strange
I see them calling
Before I here my name
Constant foreshadowing
Yet it never sinks in
I could have stopped it
I never did

I smile at all the wrong things
I hum along while everyone sings
I've got cuts on my fingers and scars on my knees
Lonely aliens trapped amongst human beings

Kiss me with the warmth of winter fires
Missing the glow of memories past
Rekindling love and selfish desires
Too many things I'm afraid to ask
I just want to know the depths of your heart
I want to leave no stone unturned
I'd love to know your every wish
You can tell me the things that hurt
The secrets no one kept as kids
Scuffed jeans and button up shirts
You're pure like water from a stream
I'm walking through a desert, down on my knees
If nothing else, you can believe in me
I'll always love you, I'll never leave

I wonder what's at
The end of the road
The squiggling heat
A portal to the untold
But drawing near
As the tires roll
It disappeares
A world unknown

If time had wings
Would it fly away
And leave me frozen
Stuck on this day
This wretched moment
This dreaded hour
If time could fly
It'd never be ours
Maybe it feels pressure
To slow or fast forward
Maybe time is lonely
In the hand of the Lord
Maybe time wishes
It could please us all
If time had wings
I bet it'd fly away
And I wouldn't hold it to fault

Lost children walking in a single file line
Nervous hearts beating so perfectly in time
To unconscious footsteps, thumping gently on the ground
Sleepwalking aimlessly with no one around
No one to guide them
No one to say
"Child are you lost ? Come along this way"
Lost children walking in a single file line
No one to wipe their tears, to stifle their cries

You pull my strings
I move in sync
Tell me what to say
Tell me what to think

Slipping back into bad habits
I'm worthless again
This stupid **** always happens
I lost all my "friends"
I'm drinking up the sadness
It stays with me till the end
I'm lost in all this madness
Feeling worthless once again
Never knew how much you meant
You'll be back but it hurts till then
A few days and I'm falling apart
Just a while ago we weren't too far
Now we're separated by a million stars
Just think of me please
Wherever you are
I'm lost in the galaxy
No air to breath
So lonely
I miss when it was you and me
What we had was perfect
So lovely
I pushed everyone away
So I could be
Absorbed in you
And live in peace
Your absence is silent
Yet so loud it screams

If I had to write a letter
To tell you why I’m gone
If I knew it would make things better
When I’m finally moving on
If I could find the words to say
I’m sorry and I want to change
But I don’t want to change for you
I really want to want it too
I know it starts with saying that
I want the relationship we once had
I miss you so much I can’t feel it now
I say this though I hear the sound
Of lawnmowers humming
On one of the hottest days
That started out dewy, and cloudy, and gray

I hear the noises
Of you preparing to leave
Lazy eyes rolling
Taking in the scene
Ready to do it
All over again
Even though I'm still feeling
The mind altering effects
Your feet are thumping
Down the stairs
I'm truly sorry
I don't even get scared
Not anymore
I'm not afraid
The person you know
Is far away
There really is
No self in me
So grab your jacket
And clink your keys
I'm pulling the drapes
Away from the window
Your sleek car starts
With a reddish glow
It remains in the driveway
For a moment or two
And I stand still
Taking in the view
Breathing in the simplicity
Of the action in itself
Before you drive off
And I'm left by myself
By myself
All alone
In this place
Our shared home
Except for that box
That's calling my name
The one that's been singing
All **** day
The only thing for my presence
That'll ever wait
I love when you leave
I love empty space

Hopelessly awake
Lying in bed
Papers litter the floor
Screaming words I should've said

I don't care what anyone says
Even if the words get locked in my head
Without you I'd rather be dead
Even if you're what I'm fighting against
Don't give a **** we're like partners in crime
Least we have the ***** to own up to our lies
Around at night it's like ride or die
**** being a coward behind petty disguise
You're the only one that knows what's real
Only you know how I feel
If someone ***** with you I'll ****
Even through the ******* still
Middle fingers up I'm gone
Getting faded to our song
Like nothing was ever wrong
Things were fine all along
Everyone hates our generation
But right now I'm a sensation
Cause we're our own number one fans
And ******* if you don't understand
Youth is simply in the mind
So when you start to ***** and whine
Remember all the good old times
Young, free, dope, wild
Being obnoxious just because
In the moment we're so ****** up
Forget tomorrow it's worlds away
**** tomorrow let's live for today

I'll never forget these hazy summer nights
I'll never forget the loneliness inside

Tomorrow has come
It's a better day
I'm leaving behind the sorrow
That accompanied yesterday

I get so scared when you call
I know the numbers don’t add up at all
I get so nervous talking to you
The same old worries, nothing new
It seems there’s this big fall looming over me
Much more severe than scraping a knee
Maybe the ground will break beneath my feet
Only God knows what’s beneath
I have to keep my mind from these thoughts
Everyday I’ve got no choice but to carry on
There are so many people
Living different lives
Problems much more significant than mine
Real issues, real people
I don’t care if I’m your equal
I don’t care what I am to you
Same old worries, nothing new

Water splashing
Beneath my feet
My heart crashing
Ripping at the seams
Tears dripping down my cheeks
I'm still alive
Running through the streets
Trying to stay alive
I desperately flee
From my own mind
And the emptiness that feasts
Trying to escape the last goodbye
And the pain it brings

Trailing in circles
Can't ever catch up
Jumping over hurdles
Chasing the drugs
Nothing lasts forever
It's never enough
All alone chasing
This illusion of love

The lazy cat yawned and made a song of it's own
Penetrating the murky silence of the sleeping home
The grandfather clock, leaning solemnly against the wall
Dreamed of better days, when it stood strong and tall
Back when life moved to its swaying
-
Who would answer it's call ?
Now the only thing constant, winter, spring, summer and fall
Where had the children gone, that dashed down the steps ?
Who was there to cry for them, in the wake of their deaths ?
One by one they all became teeth in the tall grass
Adding to death's chilling grin, consuming them at last
Ask the other's, they'll tell you
Death's face was in those flames
So if you dare to tread the grass, don't dare to say their names

I look for you
In fallen snow
In lost goodbyes
And unsaid hellos
I look for you
In unremembered dreams
I look for you
In worthless things

Following a path
Walking aimlessly still
Clutching a staff
I don’t look down until
The root of some tree
It trips me up
Suddenly everythings so far above
You really don’t land so far when you fall
Reaching for stars and missing them all
I’ll train my hand
To be more precise
I know that I can
Look fear in the eyes
I can calmly acknowledge
That it does in fact exist
The only thing wrong with falling
Is the fear of it

Can't keep pushing the pain away
Can't keep saving it for another day
Up in smoke, white washed and straight
I can't keep running from this bitter pain
It haunts me every waking hour
Looking for weakness, a place to devour
I'm so tired but can't slow down
The hurt is waiting all around
Walls enclosing
Shrieking sound
I looked for comfort
Numbs all I found
Chasing that first high
Reliving our old goodbyes
Torn up skin
Bloodshot eyes
Empty parking lot
Under the rain
I'm a fugitive
To this endless pain
So tired of running
I'm so insane
So tired of running
But when I close my eyes
It seeps in slowly
Churning in my mind