I want that lampshade in the corner to cast away the ghosts by my side
I want your hand to be intertwined with mine at every possible point of time
I want to feel like the waves day and night with rising tides
I want to hold that photograph that captures you in the perfect light always
I want to have that imperfect love when everything is simply perfection
I want the winds to blow through my hair like I'm as carefree as it is
I want to expunge the tornados and hurricanes trapped under my skin
I want to be held like preserved fragile parchments from ancient oaks
I want to be taken like a possesion while being loved like an enthralled being
I want to feel the confidence of the flames in your eyes that still burn
I want to see the swirl of the myriad of colours labelled by digits undefined
I want to live and breathe like hummingbirds in the forest
I want to be wild and in danger; constantly threatened and protected
But most of all
I want you to find me
To cut through every hedge
that stands in between us
Find me

(m.e.)

I remember the haunting tunes
left in your wake
when you left so soon

I remember the soundless cries
from those who loved you
when they found, you died

I remember the empty cars
with words of splendor
but insincere hearts

I remember the selfish fools
who indulged in your love
then tightened your noose

I remember the radiant smiles
you once shared
when you were by the River of Nile

I remember the beating heart
you once had a pleasure
of having until you did part

I remember my love for you
so pure and wonderful
now haunting yet true

I remember when I was alive
but that was only because
I had you by my side

Death was inevitable
but it came too soon

Death was irreversible
something I couldn't undo

I give you my word
that I am far from alright
these things of the Past
haunt me each night

Pictured frames and broken glass
Everything just happened so fast
Coloured pens and shattered lights
How do you manage to sleep at night?

Empty bottles of tablets and pills
What happened to strong will?
Open doors and replayed songs
It all just lasted so long

Cracked at the edges, torn at the seams
What would it take for you to hear the silent screams?
Plastic smiles and broken homes
I don't want to be alone

Drive
Away from the badness
Away from my sadness

Drive
Alone or with someone
Together or with no one

Drive
to the loudest music
to places of magic

Drive
safe and sound
going around and around

Drive
towards an invisible light
not real headlights

Drive
from all of tis
but not the edge of a cliff

Drive
because no one wants me around
tomorrow I won't be found

Drive
because I feel no love
and I don't matter as of

Drive
to a place that I could be
without having you with me

Drive
away from my pain
trying to dance through the rain

Just drive
I'll find my way eventually
then I'll be happy for eternity

A part of my soul
died tonight
I could feel it in my chest
everything was tight

I woke up from sleep
and it felt like I had lost
something so precious
that fought to stay alive at all costs

It's like I've felt you in me
in the depths of my heart
Like you've left me breathing
while you've escaped this cot

I woke up this morning
Feeling like my soulmate just died
It's a terrible feeling
I hope it was a lie

He has to understand,
I'm not a happy girl
even if I pretend that I am.
If I feel that he's getting too close,
I'll push him away
so he'll have to keep a good grip on me
so I can't escape.

I'm a hopeless romantic,
so I love cheesy things.
But I like having fun.
I like playing games.

But I'm volatile.
I can be happy one minute
and be sad the next.

He's gotta know this,
so he can run away
while I'm not that attached yet.

The reason why I'd like to die
is relatively simple
ranging from the tragedies of life
to the crumbling candles

It should hardly come as a shock
because I am highly insignificant
My time ought to be up like a clock
and my crowd of sycophants

The reason why I'd like to die
ranges from love to lies
All these tears I've already cried
for my own untimely yet timely demise

Drunken stupors
and wondrously high nights
Staring at sunsets
getting into fights

All because he lost sight
no longer wanting to feel
the emptiness she left
trying to grasp the meaning
of a loveless distress

Endless days
Forgotten nights
He broke beer bottles
and started meaningless fights
all because
the girl he had once loved
left him for his best friend

I.
It was just about to rain and the skies had darkened but let me tell you no matter how heavy the downpour is, I will love every inch of you - even the parts I shouldn't.

II.
Hearing you tell me you love me while I had just stepped out the door was like a wave crashing against rocky shores keeping it from kissing the shore.

III.
Holding your hand was the only comfort I knew and held on to even though it meant to last only a fraction of a second and you never meant for it to happen.

IV.
I filled my heart with a joy when I first met you and the consanguinity between us bloomed like a morning glory touched by the sun but you turned your back when the darkness came.

V.
Nights were used to think over every possible "What if..." and days were spent pondering on the concepts of "I should've..." but we both turned our backs when the storm brewed.

VI.
I could have loved and been loved in return. You could've loved and be loved in the end. Yet as the snow fell and the glass frosted, a coldness settled between our touch.

VII.
Your hands were warm when mine were chilled and I could hardly spend a night without wishing the bed wasn't as empty as it was and that you had come home once again.

VIII.
My stomach formed knots and bounded around my heart each time your silence creeped for hours, days, sometimes weeks. Had you already looked in the eyes of another?

IX.
They say that you should let go of the things you love so I let you go but you are convinced I had lost my love and I had you convinced I had given up on us.

X.
What happens when the truth is known? That a heart finds warmth in its coldness and the lack of you has been better for me than your omniscient presence?

**I love you.

Everyday he sits on his throne
unaware and absorbed in himself
overlooking all that was unknown

The riches and remarks
were all he cared for
The spoken words and whispered scandals

He never saw what his subjects could see
his broken children he left to be

His youngest child
cried herself to sleep
wanting and aching
for Daddy's company

His two sons
tried to stay strong
but inside the hurt
for oh so long

His eldest daughter
turned to sharp blades
and flowing rivers
that streamed red

His highness sat
on his velvet throne
overlooking the richest kingdom
but forgetting his own

If I tried, do you think I could be pretty?
If I tried, do you think I could be smart?
Would the other kids want to play with me?
Will I have more light than dark?

If I tried, could I have been nicer?
If I tried, could I have been someone's saviour?
Could I have been less alone?
Could I have known about love?

If I tried, do you think I could be happy?
If I tried, do you think he could want me?
Could I have caused you less pain?
Could you not be so ashamed?

If I tried, could I have made your life easier?
If I tried, could I have not been a failure?
If I tried, do you think daddy would have wanted me?
Mommy, if I tried, do you think you could love me?

But if I tried, I know I would still fail
And if I tried, I know you still wouldn't be proud
If I tried, I would probably break down
If I tried, I wouldn't have uttered a sound

If I tried, I would end up killing myself
Because, if I tried...
Nothing would have mattered
Well, not anymore

I feel like I'm dying, from the inside out and i am constantly aware that it's happening but i can't feel it because it hurts too much.

Embers burn and they burn out. That's what the pain will feel like. The embers burning at their peak. But eventually, they burn out like candles blow out. And that's what moving on from you feels like.
It feels wrong and unfinished. It feels unnatural. Like a growth, a mass, a tumour. Like a halfway-paved walk or an unfinished sentence.

But my memories of you will never be chipped from my mind like slamming a ceramic mug onto the tabletop. You've ingrained yourself in every ****** movement I make and I don't know how to make it stop. Because I don't want to forget. I can't forget. I need you because you make me feel real. You make me feel like I matter. And that's the worst thing you could've ever done to me.

Because when you walked away, I lost a huge part of me. I lost a chunk of who I was, who I could be.

"How do you feel?"
"Does it matter? It doesn't change anything."

Because that vacant look in your eye was the last memory of you that I have. The distance.

"Whether it matters or not is not the point."
"I love you."

Because the first time I said it, would be the last time you'd hear it. It's been 10 days since then. And 28 since you stopped caring. It's been 3 years and 4 months since we first met. But a day has not gone by when my heart doesn't hurt because you're no longer here.

You said that you'd never leave me.
And you lied.
You said you cared about me.
And you lied.

You said I could always count on you.
And you lied.
You said you'd never let me go.
And you lied.

You said you loved me.
And you lied.
You said I could trust you.
And you lied.

But I believed you.
I believed in you.
I believed because of you.
I don't know what to believe anymore.

A stumbling hurricane into a newly made up home.
I set roots and you tore me out of the ground.
I held your hand, and you let go.
I shouldn't have let you hold me on the way home.
I shouldn't have let you touch me when my heart hurt.

But I did.
I did and you held me.
I did and you broke me.

You broke me.

There was a table
a lone table
where she sat
with her group of friends

One day, one left.
Another day, another left.

From the group of friends
it became a duo
from the duo
she was left alone

And still
there she sits
there she waits
hoping one would come back

But they never do
and she sits there still
because if she ever left
it would mean
she gave up on her friends

And she hasn't
not yet
because she still believes the best
she hopes they'll come back

There was a lone table
an empty table
with a girl
who had no one
but waited for everyone

Since we were kids, they kept a chart to measure our growth in terms of the length of our bones to the weight of our skin. And over time, we stop measuring ourselves and start measuring our self-worth. So instead of measuring the density of calcium in our skeletal structure and the height from the base of our feet to our crown, we measure ourselves in words, and voices, and the way our eyes look into the eyes of someone else. We measure ourselves in the curvature of our features and the smoothness of our palms. We measure ourselves in the value of our things and the whispers we hear in our heads. And they stop trying to define us by our nature and start placing us in carefully labelled petri dishes for the right moral and chemical composition that we radiate through the way we walk and the bends of our spine and the number of times we blink in a minute. We placed words in our palms picked from a bowl of chance and they do not speak to us to measure our worth. They measure us by our use of multi syllable words and our ability to manifest sides to a view even though it all seems the same. They measure us by our dexterity in creating complex ideas to explain intimate details between the grass and the moon. They measure us by our capacity to absorb and apply and absorb and apply like sponges and liquified knowledge that come from theories  we made up to feel connected. They measure us by our longevity which they deem to be privy to the lifestyle they have taught us to lead. We measure ourselves by the deepness of our love and how we sometimes would rather have knives in our back instead of place one in anyone else's. They forget that we are worth so much more than numbers and sheets of paper. They forget that we sometimes stand on two feet so that we don't fall and not because we are fighting for our survival. We forget that sometimes what's inside is dead set on the idea of a short wick and that open windows are not portals to new lives. We forget that even though sometimes more is less, less is not more and never will be no matter how many times we scream to ourselves silently about the heaviness of the eyes on us. So we start measuring ourselves as bodies of water and throes of passion. We measure ourselves in the leaping flames and how far we would go to achieve the serenity we think we need. We measure ourselves in the storms that destroy our homes and whether or not we will be able to tear the buildings down without hurting a soul. They measure us by the degree of saturation of our face value souls and the colour of the bits of our hearts that they collected eons ago. They now measure us by the frequency of sounds we listen to and the irradiation of the electromagnetic spectrum on our skin as light reflects a different side. And short of tape measures and rulers, they try to measure our worth without hearing the voices calling out to them about who we really are that are trapped in the back of our minds. So tell me, what are you worth?

A drink by my side
A cigarette in my hand
A long dreary silence
A neglected heart

She sits by the water
She observes the sea
Can't take the silence
But she'll grin with a cup of tea

He leans on the railing
He gazes at the clouds
Yearning a little more
Needing a touch of femininity

One day
It seems like a lifetime away
But you know what they say
it's only a day away

On that day
We'll walk hand in hand in the rain
Smile through the pain
We'll be together again

One day
It's only a world away
We'll see each other again
One day

One day
There'll be sunshine in the rain
We'll be happy, you just wait
for that day

One day
I'll fall in love with you
One day
maybe you'll fall in love with me too