and how i sat on the cement
in the freezing cold
in the pouring rain
with my ripped tights
and short black skirt
feeling like a ****
or something close
with my tongue wagging
and eyes filled with confusion
and fire
i didn't care that i would
probably wake up with a cold
and most definitely regret this
tomorrow
or that
at this point
i might as well have stripped naked
because it wasn't
doing me any good staying in drenched clothes
and my boots were soaked
as my eyes had been for days
and months
before you came
and you were staring at me
the way you always did
that ******* look UNDID me
for so long
****** everything that i had planned
to feel
not to feel
to the point where i could
redo that face
myself
to myself
in the mirror
analyzed you to a T
you who thought you had me figured
out head to toe
i know you better than you know yourself
take that ******* elsewhere baby because
i've had enough of it
what i thought
what i said went something along the lines of
cue: blush
cue: eye flutter
i know you do
you always have
cue: shy smile
yet i still sat on that moldy ******* concrete
with goosebumps on parts of my body
i didn't even know i had
bones drenched
soaking w e t
and ******* for another 4 months.

i am faulty
the toy that gets thrown out
during the factory checks
the one that gets put in the back row
i am a little bruised
(i will not lie to you)
(although i do not doubt
you can already tell)
a little broken
i am overemotional
i get so upset at the world sometimes
and begin to despise
everything that i am
sometimes.
.sometimes.
but i promise i will care for
you stronger and harder
than anyone has
before.
i promise to look at each
bruise you have on your body
and ask about it
and listen if you want to talk
and be okay if you don't want to

i will not ignore your broken pieces
i will not ignore your broken pieces

she can be remembered. this is an importance. there is an importance for more. for finding. for finding out more. take that thread that is poking out from her dress. pull on it and see her unfold. see the fabric slowly make its way down her body. watch as you unravel her and watch as she begins to cry. tears. free flowing salty water that you have given birth to within her. she is thankful. she is scared. plants. it is you that have planted the seed of hope inside the withering garden of her body. of her soul. it is you that have started to scrape away the rot that had been growing for quite some time. black rot. rot growing over her fleshy parts. her beautiful flowers. preventing them from knowing light. she stands there naked. bare. void of all feeling. filled with emotion to the brim. this is the paradox of their relationship. at once everything that is taken away can be replaced she feels this can be replaced. goosebumps begin to cover her pale thighs. her body is fighting against her she so desperately wants to take up less space yet the lust in her makes her skin grow. she aches. her pulse quickens at a relative pace to the closeness of you. lover. her lover. one step closer heartbeat. two steps closer she is biting her lip attempting to slow down the pace at which this *** is unfolding. this is ***. we are the lost echoes in a tunnel. bouncing sound off of each other we are balanced. one bite leads to the next and you are kneeling at the goosebumps. lapping up their cold and pushing them back inside. this is ***.

there is an i and a you in this story
and both are quite scared.
this makes for an interesting
plot line as the directors
have been saying// just listen to them *******
rave. and the audience
the !!audience!! can't wait
to see what'll happen
next. they have a stake in it. too.
>,/,/../
the i (being me of course)
is more nervous than she has ever been
(the silly girl)
because for the first time (in as long as
she
can
remember)
she is being treated
with respect
and the way she
deserves to be treated.
on the other side of things is the you (and
of course that is the other protagonist
of this lovely story
the king,
my
frightening ******
my scary sweet
my terrifying tease~
you who is stable in your beliefs yet
so unsure at the same
time
and that worries the i in this relationship
to no end.

-trust-
my darling is the last thing
i thought i could feel for
someone again (yes i understand
that this might be hard to believe
since the whole process
of me handing over my trust
to you has seemed
completely flawless--
but i assure you, my sweet, that

i make things look much
easier than they are

yet here i am
trusting you
…….?????!!?
carefully and willingly cutting open
my chest,
pushing my hand through
the imperfect incision,
and pulling out my
bruised and beaten
beating heart.

would you like a side of fries with that

i don't deserve a sticker anymore.
my tears flow too freely. they know no
discipline. they need to be trained.
hold back. hold back. hold back *******.
-restraint-
hasn't that been the key
word in our discussions
hasn't it been the key the k e y

sassy *******
i just don't understand
i'm not like that i can't do it
i don't understand
trick question
help me understand
i want a ******* sticker
you're irreplaceable
i got emotional
………….
--i miss you a lot--

she says this and the i
shuts up
stares
tears start flowing
goodbye to the ******* sticker
will the i tell me what's really
going on in her *******
head >>?>>

or
will she continue
trading her eyes in for metaphors
and her mouth
for hyperboles.

i want to be a princess with every
bone in my body
SHOUT IT OUT LOUD
i want to be sparkly
so people will love
looking at me
YELL UNTIL YOUR LUNGS GIVE OUT
i want to have grace
so no one will
underestimate my power
KEEP SCREAMING DON'T YOU STOP
i want to be feared
for the power i possess
and worshipped
for the love i give
GIVE IT ALL YOU'VE GOT BABY
i keep yelling and screaming
to get out of this
shell
there are so many facades
i put up
which one have you seen, my dear?
the *** goddess
the naive little fool
the stupid ****** that slices herself up at night when everyone else is asleep
which one have you been introduced to, darling?
because i'd hate to get my personas confused
they're starting to confuse me
and infuse me
starting to seep into everything i am
and all that i am not
because really
KEEP YELLING KEEP IT UP
i am nothing
but a little girl
who wishes she
was still in the
3rd grade
so she could
play house
and have
everything
figured out.

pull off my clothes until there is
nothing left
of me.

I had a dream last night that I put you
in danger
that you were hurt because of
me
is that why you left?
please please
i need you
i need you 1 am fresh presto after
castro movies
i need you orange juice and dark ***
forget me nots and tangents
forget me not how can you forget me so
faster moving you must
i miss you reggae and sunshine
freckles and flakiness
i can't do this without you
acoustic guitar in laundromat
halloween princess
hiding away and scaring me for years
come back cooking
and
japanese tea garden explorer
and keep exploring with me
come back wanderer
you have made a home within my heart
you must not part.