the water has boiled, the noodles are settling//
the music is going//
my cup is filled//
my thirst is quenched//
dinner is in the making//
i check on the noodles//
walking back to my computer i start to develop different ways to portray my ideas//
i'm one mouse click away from manifesting something that generated from the questionable//
sometimes i don't understand the reasons things work the way they do, but it makes so much sense//
the possibilities are endless, but there's only one sensical way//
there's also dramatic ways to portray the simple, but these days anything is possible//
i'm listening to coral wonder by george fenton, i'm looking at my fingers type//
how did i develop the coordination to type this?//
everything really is a practice.... just imagine exchanging the doing of texting into learning the violing and maybe even// becoming the worlds greatest player//
then again, that's a lot of texting.... a lot of practice//
i don't think communication is meant to be a tiring thing, i think that's why people text like crazy//
whatever though//
is it weird to miss someone who died before you were born?//
i feel that way about john lennon and charles bukowski....//
i want to live to see the day when i can see their motives reflecting on me//
i can't wrap my head around how much expression they have generated from within....//


i can't wait to live tomorrow//

in the dark i sit
thinking about when i'll just quit
pleasing for the wrong reasons
will make the train of thought to my vision split
(sitting on this chair, alone...aware... of how bad it's been this week)
(weeping for a bit, watching videos.... trying to uplift myself without use of energy)
i feel weird tonight
out of site
everything influences, what do i cite?
laying down my weapon
i don't want to fight
i don't crave acceptance, i don't want to oppose with opinion
(whatever you stand for is nobody's business but yours)
why would you care?
to my self i must declare
to walk and talk in full aware-
ness
feel somewhat a mess
but tomorrow is a new day, i don't think i should stress
clean up my mess
maybe resist the person i pressed
unwanted thought, how does that convert to feeling less?
and everything okay when you get undressed?
i bet you ask yourself when i'll finally be my best?
in the end, it's the love or lead

get what you can take,
but think before you do
for consequence follows behind every choice
get what you can take
from walking
to talking
the most from all, from the seconds that don't matter
(when i'm deep in some ****, i think about this)

but some thoughts just overcome the "smarter" ones

and regret follows behind the action

races to be won, races to be lost
emotions to be felt
emotions to learn and observe
moments take over
the storm will never be over
as long as i remain aware, of the pain inflicted
by myself, decisions with cause and effect
feelings that were acted on out of neglect
we argue and we both become suspect
to our eyes, we cannot lie
for i know, the layers inside your mind
and you know mine
this morning was fine, far from good
last night made my thought process shook
asking how i define
this love that don't resemble confine
i wrote a good *** poem earlier
and it got deleted
it was time to practice
let go of the moments that threaten your being
that threaten the ties you've created to be this way
we fight until we ask ourselves what's the subject?
blurry memories, sit and reflect
to live a blurr, no mind to retrospect
moments that were delivered to my reality
moments that caused pain
derive from the unconscious
i'm aware of this, letting it happen is a burden sometimes
how do i not let it, when sometimes it only "feels" right?
how does it "feel" right to feel anger?
****
i'm still walking on a rope
but can't balance my"Self"

awareness applied
to live, to die and feel love for what's outside
live for this
for questions
for explorations
within


i have work at 11

the coffee has been brewed, but i'll let it sit and write this poem

i wonder what the people have to say today
they walk in, give us business, give us *******
who do i believe, who do i trust?
i guess i have to see beyond it, beyond that...
beyond what they think and say
how are they when they're away?
they look empty, what kind of soul? what kind of formulae
to your disarray???

i'm kind of excited....

to live today

haha....
we still on bad terms but like i have to continue to live breh...

this writing was interesting...

after all we've seen
the things experiences we've lived
the poems i've written
to soften your existence
to make everything a little more romantic
with words to describe what i can't describe
after all my kisses
the hugs
the meals we've shared
the moments we'll look back on, the moments we've looked back on
the cringey moments
the broken smiles
after all the music we've listened to, it'd be hard for me to listen to again
the lingering vibe in my car
every fight feels like a break up
every argument makes me want to sew my mouth together
shut up david
but we are both wrong
and sometimes your words hurt me
(they're not supposed to, yet i'm crying while typing and my throat feels choppy)
the things you've done for me don't reflect what you said to me in absolutely certainty
"******* idiot"
i feel dumb
because of you, for this moment, i do.... feel like a ******* idiot
i look around with watery eyes
i look down with hope i've built for us, and it disintegrates
i look in the mirror and my reflection is blurry
i read "******* idiot" when i look myself in the eyes
for the moment
my ego is hurt, and something bad happens when it is


i have to let myself go


"self"

the morning

my breath reeks

the coffee is being consumed

the day started inside of my head when i first opened my boogery eyes

this environment is different

a chance for a better represented now, alone

in the name of progression

sabrina has her cartoons on
i keep pouring my drink
my phone is off
my laptop is fully charged
these moments are being recorded
the steak is cooking
my mom is sleeping
i miss listening to her sleep when i kiss her goodnight

i wake up to the sound of nothing
i turn around and look at sabrina
i look at the ceiling and contemplate the day
i walk to the restroom, the mirror tells the outcome

i live the day, and cook for sabrina

my darling

i'll satisfy your stomach

and your mind

my darling

you're watching cartoons

i love you dearly

this moment, until my body shuts down