they tend to indulge in what uplifts their ego

i know, because i've been there

the time is spent, but not on me, but on the interests that generate creativity

the future isn't written without now

the past wasn't shaped thinking of today

the moment isn't lived in the past

their appearances seem more approachable
their words are tender
their taste in music even gets better
but that doesn't define her

their thoughts are clearer

yet, they never change

(when in doubt, they'll awaken something in the subconscious that will trigger their reaction, it's too late to respond)

their mood becomes dull
in the presence of a hollow skull
with nothing to tell but show underneathe their shirts

they don't change much

in the end, they'll become what they've always been

when the evening dies
between morning and night
looking at the sky with no light
millions of colors in the dark sky
my vision creates fractals in the dark sky

(the story of today is written when my thoughts are away)

(my boldness is just me trying to portray what I couldn't say)

i have things to do

i have things to observe
i have things to listen to
i have drinks to pour, dinners to eat
**** to grind
coffee to brew

when my time is due, know that i'm coming for you
sweet girl
i'll be coming for you

a chapter has ended//
i have found keys to door i didn't think i could have access to//
a door created only through self will and taking on the mysteries of my experience//
my room is empty, i have moved//
the days are going by like the cars passing on the highway//
like the pages being read//
like morning to afternoon, until the sun falls//
who's there to catch it?//
observing places i've never seen//
looking at people i'll never see again//
memorizing streets//
changing the sheets//
because too much friction make her cream//
laying down next to you//
thoughtless when i look in your eyes//
thoughtful when im away from your presense, it's my demise//
overthinking until i'm out of energy, sleep and there's more time to experience//
conscious this time, energy and creativity//
to make this happen//
writing observations that happen within, to formulate a new idea of "me"//

the tough times need to end//
when the madness overflows and i can't comprehend why we ever began this war getting in between our love//

for now, i'm thinking let's just be friends//
but resistance ascends and my thoughts cannot pretend that you are here for eternity inside of my head//

far from my reach//
my days become so bleak//
when it's awkward i cannot speak//

i barrier between language when havoc has reached the peak of itself//
in those moments i cannot dwell//

i'm still practicing....being in the now....

the ducks observe me while i roll a dutchie//
the wind interrupts my concentration//
i stop//
listen to the children playing out in the distant playground//
"tag, you're it"//
i begin to imagine small spaces with everything going on inside of them//
inside of this neighborhood, a world unknown to me//
a house with undocumented people//
an alley where you meet your drug dealer//
i go through a secret opening to the creek beneath a bridge//
with ease, i walk, and walk//
think about my mom, my brother, my sister, and my dad//
their actions have influenced my subconscious//
and i somehow respond to their doings, without knowing how it derives into existence//
my words will crumble on paper, my words deleted from the internet//
i will die, knowing i love a girl named sabrina//
knowing my ex girlfriend deserved more than the egocentric boy i was at 16//
my friend dakota from timberlawn mental hospital never emailed me to say he was out, i think he's dead//
i've grown out of this notion of expression//
at least, i thought i did//
but i had to step back from it, for a little//
i was traveling, stoping and observing ideas i could execute//
im making visuals filled with visions that take action and precision//
im loving til i can't//
im regretting thinking i'm scared to not give it my all//
my coffee hasn't been downed//
when i was 6 i nearly drowned//
everything around me could've changed//
denisse would've had more hope for men//
gabby could've ended her madness, but for her, thoughts always came crawling back//
i would've missed out on meeting sabrina//
sometimes i think, of the possibilites and of the probability//
something i empty my mind and sit, in the stillness of the universe//
billions of years ago, it was here, and i was nowhere to be thought of, nowhere to exist, nowhere to be//
my moments will be impacted with self-will//
my coffee is getting cold.....

*gulp