I've been blessed with the curse of loving you.

If only falling asleep were as easy as closing your eyes. If only I didn't have to fight a battle with them. If only I weren't always so exhausted. If only I could sleep without being haunted by your face.

People sometimes ask me why I study so hard.
The question always stumped me.
Why do I study so hard?
Why do I stay up till the wee hours of the morning to study?
Then, I realised.
I don't have looks.
I don't have a good body.
I don't even have a good personality!
All I had was my brain, and my words.
Knowing this pushes me to study harder so that I won't be left behind.
Maybe I just want to belong.
I mean, each clique has it's distinctive trait which unites a group of people.
The good-looking (and typically popular people) group together.
The outgoing ones group together.
The athletically inclined ones group together(and they run in every single marathon that they can.)
I don't fit in any of those.
I can only hope that by studying hard, I will not only get good grades and a sense of accomplishment and pride but,
that I'll belong.
And that's all that I've ever wanted.

You know those days when you lay down and cry because you are just so angry and upset with life and the people around you that you lose control.

You don't know how but tears spring to your eyes and you can't breathe.

And you just want to take anything and crush it and watch it fall to the ground as dust.

And you shudder because it's so cold and
You
Are
Just
So
Tired.

On those days, I think of you and I hope you'll somehow sense that something is wrong and you'll call me but you never do.

And it was sad to know that,
While she desperately wanted to die,
Her mother desperately wanted to live.

I want this poem to be angry
I want it to be full of hate.
I want to wrap it up and hand it to you.
I want you to read it.
I want you to feel my anger.
My sadness.
A result of your actions.
I want this poem to be able to grab you by the throat and squeeze.
I want this poem to kick you, punch you, slap you, scratch you.
I want this poem to hurt you.
I want to make you cry as you have made me cry.
I want this poem to take all this anger and hurt because
I can't live like this anymore.

I see you wave and smile at me
And
my heart skips a beat
And
I think to myself
*Well ****