I bet you think that the boy at Kindergarten will be your biggest problem. The only one in class who doesn't seem to like you. 10 years down the road and you'll realise that you were lucky to have friends at all. You love Math. I bet you never expected to cry yourself to sleep every night when you were 15. No, you thought you'd be popular and happy. You never thought that you wished you were dead  You never thought that you'd hate your body. You never thought that you'd have no friends but, **** happens, right? You have no friends. No one likes you. You feel like puking every time you look in the mirror. You know hate Math because it is more structured than your thoughts. You will wonder how you went from a girl full of love and hope to a girl full of hate and tears. But **** happens. And the way things are looking now, it's only going to get worse.

I bet you never expected that your parents would be the ones to break you.

You may think it's funny.
Plain teasing.
Just girls having fun but you don't know.
You don't know what I've struggled with.
You weren't there all those nights when I cried myself to sleep because I was not thin like them.
All the times I would skip meals and tell my mom I had eaten elsewhere.
All the times I survived on water for the whole day.
All the times I came this close to sticking a finger down my throat and emptying the contents in my stomach.
It took me so long to feel okay and comfortable with myself.
Until you said that word.
It's funny how one word could have such an impact on me but you don't know my struggle.
When I got home after that, all I could see in the mirror was fats.
I had begun to determine my self worth by my calorie intake and the size of my waist.
I hated myself once again.

I blindly ***** for your warmth in the darkness.
So cold, so alone.
I find you and I smile.
You seemed to be smiling too but I could not be sure.
I ran my hands along your selender neck and along all your smooth curves.
And then we played throughout the night.
But darling, let the neighbours complain because I am in love with you.
My darling, beautiful.
My violin.

I bit down on my lip,hard.
I drew blood.
The anxiety.
I needed to talk to you.
I was confused.
I was lost.
I needed you to explain it all to me.
I tried to talk to you before.
However you said you did not want to hear my voice again.
I'm sorry for annoying you but I need to know the answer.
The answer to all the problems.
Cautiously,
I raised up my hand to ask you about the solution to the Math question.

You broke me
I stood there, tears running down my face
The hurt in my eyes, you could not see
I stood in my place
A dream I once thought could be
But you left in such haste
You broke me
The world cup I never won.

You know those days when you sit down and you think about things. You just think. And then you see a post about how someone ket their best friend and you smile because it's so sweet and then you pause to think about how you met your best friend and you realise that youhave no best friend. Yeah, you do have people whom you talk to everyday and whom you smile at but no one you think is your best friend. No one you text everyday or whom you go out with everyday and you realise that during lunch daily, you are always alone.


Alone.