It's like blaming someone else for the weather
A poison that is not quick to leave the mind
it just lays to waste behind your eyes
and when the liquor flows it takes you for a ride

It's an inability to forgive someone's mistake
and inevitably forsaking them
always some what jaded by a moment shared
in which your heart wasn't spared

It's like a freckle formed by the sun
time has put it there and it can not be undone
so now we must live with this new mark
that gives us hell because now there is no fresh start

Lately everything has been speaking to me
it started with the vines along my fence intertwining
I thought of all the paths it took to grow
up to the power line
and all the pieces reaching nothing
and left hanging
dieing
a reflection of the decisions and paths we take
some sending us higher
some leading us astray
never finding our way

The ocean spoke to me next
waving at me so inviting
telling me theres so much more to a surface
another world unexplored worth trying
dangerous and enticing
yet gentle and leaving me weightless
like a new infatuation or the love I'm currently riding

Then I saw the bee
working constantly
carrying the flowers seed
designed to fufill the flowers need
and make sweet honey
perfect for my tea
I realized everything has a purpose
including you and me

Then I saw an old man
at the end of his days
He was a brilliant writer
and would be remembered beyond
his grave
I realized that we are never finished
legends live on and never diminish

Finally I saw the stars
burning bright
millions of them held in the sky
and past them is an infinite space
and I am part of such a small
miraculous place and the world
is my oyster and I am one
of many pearls from the many walks of life
of all these beautiful boys and girls
and the feeling that engulfed me was eternity

I was born in a hole
in a cracked foundation
beneath the surface of the earth
with tiny over grown windows
in which the light of the sun
would come only in small doses
at the time of the waking dawn
through the blades of grass and tiny weeds
that covered its pane and hid the sky from me
as a child I'd chase that tiny stream
of light
that managed to escape somehow to grace me
I would sit in those tiny rays
and taste the world
Finding happiness in something so small
Now I can step out into the sun
but seldom do
my inner child crying as I sleep
steadily through
That moment in which the light had finally found me

He wore a stripped shirt
that resembled the twist of serpants
though he smiled warmly his eyes were
steady on the dollars
placing labels and badges on all
the soldiers fighting to pay rent
and live in times so far from purpose
I kick back and watch him scribble
false notice
prescribing a pill to every effect from
this life
its left me purging
I hate the institutions
the corrupt unjust
sick ***** sedating my
passions and
numbing me up
smart went to another place
outside your local village where
the villians mix the chemical
perserves in your children's fillings
I cant help the way I percieve what
I have seen
I cant help that my fall from innocents
was rougher and obscene
I cant stop thinking of the misuse
of power and money mongers
I want to burn the kingdom
hoping it'd grow back to something better
misguided we walk off cliffs and to the slaughter
or we come back as our fathers paper back novel
excellence for me has fallen to resistence
because I simply cant stand this kind of exsistence
go ahead and direct me to another perscription
corrupt everything in my mind that makes me human
I'm ODD to the extreme !
I reject most of you and the latest thing
and now this man sits here
telling me I'm sick and spiraling
as he shakes hands with satan
defiling minds from eyes that only see green
and I pay my way to see this jackal conspiring?!
You can keep your advice your diagnoses and the dice
I'll leave you now to gamble with the rest of the villager's lives

Perched like a Raven
on the limb of a mighty tree
Overlooking the cemetery
It's so strange it was almost like a dream
A stone cold truth rowed out beneath
This was the mouth of the river
The place where it all starts and ends
So seldom does it make any sense
much like myself
A belonging sets in
It all felt so solid and so complete
All it was lacking was me

I wish for a ****
not a ****** mess
but to shed some skin
and expose my finest
because who I am
reflects inside my eyelids
but when I open to see
I can't face this person

She's crippled and mute
I try to reach her but when I do
she cries for the treason
of scaming me out of any quaility of life

She's controlling my body
while I am caged inside
using a view that lacks any vision
hellen keller could do better

In this struggle
to face the music
I want to dance
but my spirit has fallen
I try to pick up on the steps
but I harbor so much resistence

It almost feels like I am split in two
wanting to sing but lacking a tune
and I do have courage and I am strong
but the person who has surfaced
after this terrible fall
is nothing I stand for at all

I tell her day in and day out
get up cause your worth it
you know you are
but she stares back at me in the mirror
her eyes telling me
incessantly I am wrong

And I want to **** her
I want her gone
but she believes more deeply
I was made to fall

I noticed my wing was broken
when I started spiraling out
in a frenzy I tried to mantain balance
but my imperfection weighed me down
and as I watched the ground approaching
The exceleration picking up
I wondered whatever made me think
I could fly with the rest of the them

Eyes surveying the scape
desperately
barely breathing
I huddle down
motionless

something's rustling in the distance

can they sense me?
my heart bursting from my chest
a time of hyper vigilance

A snap tingles my drums from behind
I flee
flinging earth from under my might
taking in air swiftly
exhaling with no relief

but the beast lunges forward powerfully
caving my knees
I fall to defeat
as teeth sink into my arteries
I feel the blood rushing from me

Embracing death
and natures design
never knowing it would be so benign

What of love?
A longing tear
of a moment which passed
lacking understanding
and all the things left unsaid.....
leaving holes in my heart
The memory
left waiting for a hand that never reached
but pushed until my back was to the wall
accepting my stance which felt so small
and I turned to the world alone
rejecting any rejoice of that sweet little song
Apathy took hold of my soul
which I sold to the grind and to the smog
All that entered my vision were ferrel dogs
left howling for something they've never
truely know
blubbering at the realization unrequited love kills
left with a shrill of dizzy jaded mutters
of the man who cast his spell
and pulled me under
defining my days in past-tense
Faced every john with resistence
counted the bricks furious
because it was easier than feeling the exit
but I'll never forget the day he came
and changed all of it
...I refuse to feel foolish
because without love all light is extinguished
and without mistakes we are simply not human

Advice
I can give it flawlessly
I have changed lives
I could give someone the key
I've just seemed to have misplaced mine

She sat bewilder and rejected by the world
her hair dreaded clothes torn and stained with time
remains torn
she gazed at me longing
seeking shelter from the storm
the rain poured upon her shoulders
a lost soldier among the scorn
I read into her character
as if the scene were a book
and I thought of all the jackals
who must've shook and took
she sat withered like a flower in the
midst of December
I could tell if left there she'd surely die from
the weather
I was this women and she was me
together we were locked
in mystery wondering
longing
An exchange of a smile
and she was on her knees
begging for a ride a conversation
some relief
my door ajar
welcoming
inviting her into a place of warmth and understanding
motherly I consoled
she was my sister daughter love
she was everyone I ever cared about
trapt in a cardboard box
with a shake of her hand I read her palm
her troubles and despair
I spared some change a ride and empathy
hoping it was enough for her
if I could only save her I'd change her
I'd  change the world but for now
I'll fufill my mission
and allow her soul to fufill hers

I watch the clock as the hours pass
on relentlessly
another night wide awake
as my mind begs for the relief of sleep
unable to think clearly

I watch him and I wonder what
dreams flicker behind his lids
his chest at such a steady rate
I inch closer hoping his peace
would somehow enter me

Atleast one of us can escape to
the beauty of a subconscious plane
where the pain and the worry ceases
and the day ends mercifully

I am so scared of what tomorrow may bring
I am holding onto the night for security
but time unbiasedly keeps dragging me
to a day of answers or more anxiety

He says no matter what he'll stay with me
in a way this brings comfort to me
but it's something I find hard to believe
considering he's always dreamt of having a family

3:40 in the morning
the pain wakes me
I find myself clawing at the bed sheets
grinding my teeth
my mind escapes to some place serene
the first snow fall
the sunset
my love's eyes first thing in the morning
my body contorts....
I think of a baby's giggle
people dancing a number
chasing my friends at 11 years old down the block

I begin to shake
I think of soft serve on a hot day
sinking into a hot bath
kissing so sweetly in moments of tenderness
my father daughter dance

I get ****** back into the ache
I fight it
I dispell it from my mind
like a thorn in my side
Mind over matter
matter doesnt mind
pain the only reminder I'm alive
I must embrace this

So insensitively you drain and ***** me
taking blood samples and injecting the chills
enstilling no trust right before you ******
foreign objects into my gut
I didnt ask for you nor did you ask for me
and with a situation that should be full of understanding
we just cant seem to meet eye to eye
you are the arrogant judgemental kind
and me I'm just a piece of paper
full of ineligible lines
I hate doctors or most I should say
I come in always in the worst of situations
For them its everyday
and the longer they're with it
the less humane they seem
I dream of a world full of humility
while I crumble
traumatised in hospital sheets

Eyes popping
in distant stares
I wonder if a soul inhabits the pair
red hair, bombs,guns
and drugged?
The second killer nowhere to be found
but was seen yet disreguarded and most unaware
of the eye witness reporting
Why cover the details?
Something fishy lingers in the air
Something remains unshared
Motives so unclear
but I heard holmes had an obsession
with mind control
The neuroscience student
that spread so much pain and fear
conspiracy surrounds like a think cloud
like Sirhan Sirhan
The scenes shrouded in mystery
yet similiar
Ever heard of the illegal CIA human research program
Rockfeller Commission?
Did you know he had a Neuroscience University?
Fishy indeed

We spoke
like a light mist of rain
quenching the thirst of these grounds
and I reached out my hand
and dragged him away from the blood hounds
stripping away his ego
along with his clothes
which masked his vulnerability
I teach one to let go
he said I can't help this feeling
through his tears and mental exhaustion
with whispers of fear
the darkness had consumed him
and in a moment of clarity I spoke with honesty

he had decieved himself

everyone can help whatever feeling enraptures them
feeling down and out is a product of your own resolution
each thought we have can be chosen
and the world around you has no power over the mind
unless you allow it

Imagine utopia!
Your mind lit up like a christmas tree
unable to hide a single thing
at mercy to the powers that be

Come on were talking telepathy!
A fundamental algorithm indeed
they'll sell it, they'll push it, they'll force it?
guess we'll just have to wait and see

How exciting!
May be we'll be the ones
may be your kids or their kids
but one thing is quite clear

We are all Lab Rats running the wheel.

I feel this undying need
to bring myself to a higher plane
my mind a run away train
that managed to veer off track
only to be redirected
and brought back to center

Peace is the moment we
find our way back
to the path that suits us
and I am sprinting breathlessly
in a desperate attempt to salvage

Once again regaining the strength
to repair and purify
with nothing other than growth in mind
our internal battles are most brutal
but fighting them is surely time well spent
The only war I believe in

Bright city lights flickering
casting shadows along cold cement streets
dreaming of the ocean's breeze
sirens sound in the dead night
taunting visions escape it all.

I look to the traffic
humming by and then
to the moon which consumed me
in stolen thoughts behind loving eyes
together two will reach blue seas.

An epiphany shared equally
waves of anticipation wash over our feet
and we began to flee
free minds bounding awake
open our eyes on shores smile wide.

Moved in unspeakable ways as
the sun displays a peak of a waking dawn
crawling over us
paradise in a sunbeam
is like a star of hope in the night sky.

We followed that hope
as distant as it may have seemed
we found each other
as we knew one another
in the city two together.

To believe that everything we encounter
is formulated and manifested
from our own subconscious
Is to believe that we have complete control
of our own destinys

Never being a victim of another
rather attracting them with our own
need to percieve a message
As if looking through the eyes of your true being

We are all projections
of ourselves and only this
and the more we reject this notion
the longer the suffering will persist

Life is a journey full of questions
uncertainty is found in each persons heart
wavering in what can be trusted and
what can not

But this secret this law has no alternative
goal other than catering directed to spirit
it ask not for your money nor your soul
it only reflects an ultimate goal

To answer the questions that are not easily found
such as Who am I?
and What do I want?
The soul is infinite and the universe unbiased

Not everything we find will be favorable
but take it in stride and trust that you needed
whatever is bestowed upon you and your sight
Each day a reflection of spirit

Silence
A reminder of years long since passed
gazing at the stars blazing history
counting the years
and the scar tissue

Fragile reminders of misuse
karmic justice and accidents
the uneventful days
always bring me back to this

Strength found in moments of exactitude
that only time can reveil
for the present carries on so quickly
the lesson concealed until its history

To revisit the spell of dizzy memory
is like floating on a cloud above the scene
in which you can watch it play
knowingly

The ability to change it
so far from reach
you must wait for the repeat
in the hope that now you'll
possess the eyes to see

This reality is just a dream
in which one can change and reshape
the way they percieve
anytime they should choose

I've come to realize this

The error of my ways
I cant say sorry anymore
I can only hope you wait
for me
while I work on this

You bring this out of me
the thoughts that could change
everything
unfortunately we share the growing
pains

My dream is to find happiness
first on my own
and then with you
I cant rely on you for this

I should've never looked to you
in the first place for self fufillment
a childish outlook and expectance
I will not ask for forgiveness

Just stick around
and we'll get through this
I regret pushing you away...
I mustn't make the same mistakes

I am letting the telephone ring
unsure if its you
and if it was what I'd say or do
I silence the tone
A part of me does not want to know
but then again I need to
I wish you'd just leave me alone
I've remained haunted by this ghost

Attention!


How funny and ironic
It is! (lighten up)
That we have tickle me
Elmos

We thought it was safe
but now I think the behavorial
message is a bit
Crude

Oooh that tickles!

R- ude,it is to consider a human being an animal,
    surely the quickest way to reduce them,

F- ucked up to think our kids should wear dog collars
    hooked up to frequency tracking systems,

I- wonder if we let this happen whats next tomorrow....
   a step back from our freedoms and liberties,

D- efiance against "request"could cost your child
   their education,

R-ighteousness,
F-ear,
I-ndecency,
D-omination.

As I walked
I focused on the pain
exploding through out my body
my legs begging to cave
but there was no stopping my pace

I thought of everything
the decisions I've made
and how I couldn't stop the motion
The events now unfolding before me

It's like watching a tidal wave
knowing you can't stop the destruction
nor save the ones about to be hit
all you can do is brace

Waiting for the power of fate
to unleash the course that nature
will now inevitably take
flooding the streets you've paved

I feel at times that science has failed us
reaping the seeds we've sown
unnaturally grown
and now for the big one
as I think you should know
Quick label the babies
who are GMO

When your gone
I feel it all around me
like the walls whisper your name
and praise
my heart lingers on yearning
through the night
my dreams all capture your face
the faint ghostly touch of your hand
sends chills up my spine
and my body aches until its
graced by your presence
I hate time
and how it plays tricks on our
minds withering in the absent
cold weather distance creates
I've learned I cant live a day
happily without you
around every corner I see your face
haunted and displaced
Please can you promise me just one thing?
Next time you go
Dont leave without me

I knew a man once
who saved me from destruction
He had this crazy way about him
Within his presence you couldn't help
but feel alive

He was generous
and proactive
His salvation was achieved
through helping others

He had a savings account
in which he'd drop his change
and soon he'd accumulated
so many wonderful things

But none of these things could be found
in his home for they were nothing of material
many times in life he'd been broken down on
the side of the road

A feeling I believe we've all had a chance
to know
and he vowed from then and still today
if he witnessed this event he
wouldnt walk away

Through bankruptcy he kept this account
Refusing to help himself
and whom ever found themselves broken
down were surely lucky when he came around

Generousity for him was a necessity
Helping others was for his own benefit
because giving others hope
meant the world to him
No doubt thats money well spent

On the surface I am calm,cool,and collected
I speak with compassion and reasoning
never from emotion
always looking to defuse useless arguments  
and tense situations

I seldom loose my control

But inside I cant help imagining
smashing everything around me
saying everything that came to mind
leaving this pent up aggression behind

I have no release
I just want to feel free

I hate having to be so civilized
but my mind doesnt allow me to bend
I want to regress and throw every bit
of wisdom out the door

To start to explore my darker side

but I cant and I cant figure out why..

She was stunning
in the both senses
beautiful yet confusing
like you didnt know what
to make of her
like she just knocked you in your nose

illusive and cunning
never to be trusted
a sly smile that reflected
a grimace in my eyes

She walked in the room and
all were consumed by her
but all I got was **** and Fragrance

Young minds are like sponges
soaking in every sound and action
The hands that grasp their little hands
grasp the future

I cant bring myself to understand
how someone could look into those
innocent eyes and teach them hate

New eyes polluted by their father's
gun and rage

A song dreamed up from us humans
That I am most sorry for and displeased

Praise the lord and pass the ammunition!

Now when I close my eyes
I see them high in the sky soaring like angels
from above
I see them in every sunrise and sunset
those beautiful doves

Although I can not reach them
I am no longer sad
because those beautiful white wings
Are free from all the pain of this world
Something I've never had

I crave one moment
bright and astonishing
filled with revelations
liberating my mind
A moment that could
change everything
leaving this stagnation
behind

Its all about the virtues,principles,and loyalties
an eloquent man can put on a great show
actors and actresses...

Believeing their own lies as they fall from cheap lips
playing pretend in too big of a shoe
you cant trust those

who take these words and disgrace the definitions
True trust is earned through actions
right there in the moment
when a knight or a fool
demasks himself into his persona and emerges
I hate allies who work on both sides

Its phoney and renders me meaningless
and their words of love?
A trick

Its hard to teach this vocabulary
to people who can't grasp the notion nor
come up with one reason to express the feelings
followed by them
though I try so hard and in desperate attempts
to prove that love is the only reason

The only reason
you'd ever set fire to the feet of jackals

I've fought for their name the pretenders
but mine own?
forgotten or never mention
They dont stand they sit pretty
I can't take much more of it

In the face of friends and foes
The difference who the hell knows?
I continue with caution
and keen sense
To make sure I strike
with exact precision

I dont play games
or gets kicks from mindless
Tricks
but I do have some dealings
to be dealt
and surely felt

Heads up little "ladys"
the truths trending now
beware to the man who
thinks me invisible
I have a few flips for you

Snake eyes
ace high

Love can feel like a plague sometimes
infectious and sickening
I've never felt this type of fear
Will you be coming back to me?
My mind is spinning but my world has
stopped
It's so exhausting and crippling
and your a thousand miles away
yet sitting right next to me
Don't go I beg of you
I am reduced to this....

It's so heavy this fascination
forming an obsession to pick your mind apart
and take the feeling into me
make you a piece of my puzzle
so full of charm and mystery
if I could only reach out and touch
what I see

I have become a slave to the pen
unraveling and consumed by my thoughts
I'm in constant search of a thought worth having
and indulging in
so sick of the junk food crammed in
My mind is swollen and bloated
fizzing and falling flat
So tired of all this loathing...
trying to find away to make the sun shine again
Faint whispers of my soul say I'm creating black holes again
The mind either a tool or a weapon of mass destruction

Don't let this hour pass unnoticed
Don't you dare fall asleep
Don't let your life slip through your fingers
Don't ever stop searching

I savor the peace that silence brings
the air seems to coat me like the winter's snow
escaping away to that quiet place where
the world cant touch me and I'm left alone
I've learned the magic in these moments
where my mind takes off like a pack of wild horses
free to decide where ever they may roam
Freedom from judgement or ridicule

What lives behind your eyes is a sea of mystery to me
I chose to take a dive
swimming through blackened history
I try to wash away the pain and distain
The hate that life deals unmercifully
but I admit regretfully your tides crash in so far from me
and I know you'll never heal nor listen to an outsider like me

I climb to the edge of sacrifice
and I grasp the feeling within my hands
and pray that I am right
as I set the dove free
it was released forever from the likes of me
too beautiful of a thing to be caged
and as it flew I fell

It had finally been unburied
A small box of treasure holding everything once of value to me
mostly crumbled pictures, papers, and cards...
and I began digging through a life now lost
Past lovers,friends,and family I haven't seen in years
now only fading words and images
turning to dust within my hands
Once held so tightly now just a tear
I looked around today and was engulfed by fear
Today will never last and thats a fact

The moment came
and I drifted away my breath reduced to a quiver of chest
" BREATHE "
...no I cant
I needed to relax
my mind regressed
the lights dim
there was a peace there
until basic instinct kicked in
" BREATHE "
...a gasp
one head rush and I am back
Sometimes I wish I had left
I guess that just isn't right

Cat-like she pranced across the allyes
her vibrations purred as she shied away from the street lights
On nights like these she always felt like an outsider
a different breed
hunting
so fragile yet so devious
she was surely a temptress with a hidden agenda
out to ****
for no reason
other than her own pleasure

My breath short speechless and wrenching
as your hand brushes across my stomach
delicate and concentrated
Painting a picture
a step closer and your face is beside mine
I rest my face on your neck
eyes closed in acceptance
the way your hips move
slow and seductive
lure me into leaning in for the motion
your gaze dilated and glazed
full of lust and excitment
my chest beats so close to yours
as beads of sweat form upon it
The heat in these moments is
hotter than hell and
I cant seem to get enough of it
You pin my hands to the wall
and I kiss you in surrender and submission
The way things are going I'll fight the dawn
and delight in this night forever

I am running through the woods
away from the paths and into the brush
white ribbon unravels in the breeze threw the
branches and the trees
my white dress trails behind my
fleeing legs
my chest beats wildly
the suns rays escaping the canopy
kissing the floor
a bed of leaves and little creepy crawling things
Slow motion scene
calling like a crow
For the lost love I once knew
reaching grounds my feet dont know
foriegn the feeling of searching for you
I hear a loud beeping piercing the forest
and I stop dead and look to the sky
My eyes open breathless and shaken
and I turn on my pillow to see you sleeping
so sound and sweetly beside me
I swore just then in the early dawn
while shutting my alarm before disturbing you
That I'd never loose you again

A blanket of warmth and close stitch
caress my skin comforting me
Heavy eyes symbolizing
peaceful nights
my worries shrink to childish thought
and laughter
I am pulled into a dream
in which you've brought to me
where the nightmares of today's
strife can not enter nor taint
and I am on the brink of a trance-like
sleep where I am aware
yet trusting held tightly in your hands
you keep me on the breezier side of cares
your love a dancing flame creating a cozy room
your smell intoxicates while locked in a sweet
embrace consumed by your aura
and baby blue's
you whisper so softly tales of forever
and the belief follows every utter
of the tune
I continue holding you as the tears roll down
and I wish I could capture them
for they were pure
full of truth and happiness
Once so jaded this feeling belated
but its finally arrived and it seems right on time
saving me from the terrors of love once known
I could see myself in you forever
balancing eachother as a whole
we fit as tho we were made for the other
and I am beginning to believe this is true
Sean Mathew Eckert I ode to you
and I will shout it from the rooftops
so all shall know

Sometimes it is just better to
remember to forget
No matter how many times
you drift back and allow
what ifs or should've or would've
to enter the cycles of your mind
the record will remain scratched and skipping
your past is only a reality in which you know
and you've lived
It does not exsist
No matter how many times you sprint
at the suns rays
the light will never carry you back
to change things
only a ghost defines themselves
according to yesterday
you are who you make yourself to be today
the goal is to enjoy it
inspite of what gets in the way
the greatest challenge to face
yet the simplest