I recall those cosmic brownies from my childhood
and the little kool-aid drinks we picked out from the 7-11
with coins from the belly of our couch cushions.
Watching Judge Judy in the afternoons
on grandma's squishy sofa
thinking that 'law' and 'court'
were words you used when your room-mate
didn't pay her rent on time
or when your boyfriend used your credit card
to take out the ***** from down the street.
So we plucked the feet off the daddy-long-legs
and lit ants on fire
when the swimming pool was closed.
Names like
Charles Manson
Ted Bundy
never sparked fear in our bodies
never bred anger or sadness in our hearts.
So we crawled through our tunnels past youth and adolescence
awoke to a world where
men and women
who slaughtered dozens of innocents like cattle
are being served breakfast by the men and women we trust
to keep us safe at night
while we sleep in our soft beds
more vulnerable
than the devils who leave us in fear.

I am a white, Jewish girl from Florida.
Hit me.
Hit me with your white girl jokes,
Your Jewish American Princess stereotypes.
I will giggle and squeal right along with you.
Because yeah,
I do order white chocolate mocha frappuchinos from Starbucks,
I Instagram pictures of my nails,
I take selfies, whiten my teeth, straighten my hair,
Shop at Forever21 and drink Naked Juice like it is my job.
Yeah, my daddy buys me things,
I don’t pay for my data plan,
There’s no way in hell I would drive a sedan,
I wear Nike shorts and avoid any nearby cameraman,
And let me tell you, I love jamming out to old school Britney Spears.
Hit me one more time, because none of that means I am any less intelligent,
Any less diligent,
Any less likely to face judgment
Than any other slice of diversity around me –
I am a white, Jewish girl
My nose is not its own cartoon,
I eat bagels (but I absolutely hate lox),
I’m not tan or even the least bit tinted,
And god knows I don’t wear Uggs.
Tell me I need to get married young,
Major in business,
Wear clothes that leave me airless,
Get some of that European gracefulness,
But don’t tell me I’m dumb.
Don’t tell me I’m not thoughtful.
I’m a white girl.
Take a glance at my resourcefulness,
Understand my goals of being ambitious,
Get rid of your own stereotype-inducing cockiness,
And notice me in all of my flawlessness.
Because I am a white girl,
And I am unique, strong, inventive,
Empowered, passionate, adventurous,
Indomitable, unbeatable.
I am an individual –
Not part of some whole that you put me in to stabilize your mold,
Not the example of a societally scatterbrained ***** meant to be your centerfold,  
Not a previously worn-out piece of clothing thrown to the gutter unsold,
Rather a human being of my own rules and my own morals
A human being with ideas and intelligence and power,
A white, Jewish girl,
A person.

Be careful when your fingers graze my
Skin .

Im made entirely of shattered pieces.

I yearn for someone who could fill in the spaces between those cracks and make me whole .

Sometimes I lay in bed for hours
Doing nothing at all
Except thinking of you
And how perfect you are
Your smile
Your eyes
Your laugh
The way you look at me
How you throw your head back
When you're laughing
Just like a little kid
And then I think about how much
I love you


But then I remember you don't
Love me too
And that's okay,
I understand
Who would want to love
Someone so broken and used
Who would love someone like *me

i feel like
a poisonous flower
planted in a garden
full of beautiful flowers

and maybe,
that's why
no beautiful butterfly
will come
to pollinate me
some love and happiness

-*l.m

Shy girl with a secret
Silently scanning the room
I think I'll go over and try talking to you

Do you mind if I penetrate through your wall of silence?
I can regale you with the minutiae of cinema and science

Play the fool to make you smile
I don't believe I've ever seen one finer
I'm almost ashamed of how badly
I want to be inside her

Can I buy you a drink?
Then we can talk of desire
But no amount of spirits
Will put out this fire

The night's winding down; now where shall we go?
You play with your hair, and say "I don't know."

Shy girl with a secret
Quietly plotting my doom
I should have known better than to have spoken with you