i thought you'd color up my black and white thoughts
i thought you'd cast off all the demons inside me
the demons creeping up in me
at 4.15am
i thought you'd show me
what happiness feels like

but time goes on
and you're starting to realize
how miserable
and torn
and broken i am

*

so it's true what they say,
broken things never once meant anything

-*l.m

It was always a grocery store
or shopping mall
when I imagined the first time I would see you again
we might have happened to turn down the same aisle and turned to see each other
I would have asked you how you were
we would exchange lies about how we were okay
great even, moving on and not looking back
shift slightly to cover up our new scars
and try to smile
I would ask if you were happy
you would say: yes
I would say: good
and after we parted I would decide I am much better off without you by my side

But last night was the first time in 6 months that I had heard your voice
it infiltrated my subconscious
snaked its way around my throat so I couldn't breathe
if you still had my heart it wanted so bad to come back to me I felt it racing in my chest; running for safety
my eyes met your eyes
you smiled, a sad smile
and waved
and I just….waved back
shaking
you knew me too well not to notice
but  still
you left
I fell to the ground
a blur of people and arms around me
and I think I cried
maybe
I should have yelled after you
"I keep all my promises"

&

"I miss you too much to forget"