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 Oct 2016 Crimsyy
The Judge
My mind is but a blur
A remnant of what I used to be.
The voices try to tell me
That I'm not crazy.

But the eyes of others peer
Into the depths of my soul.
They seem to evaluate me
And judge me as a whole.

My dreams haunt my life
As the shadow sweeps me by.
The truth I once understood
Is turning into a lie.

I find myself craving chaos
And wanting to destroy.
It's as if my mind
Thinks the world is my playtoy.
Take a deep breath
In and out
Don’t let them see the real me
In and out
Don’t show your smile
In and out
My chest is rising
In and out
Until I reach the point when I say
In and out
Stop acting like everything is okay!
Put on your sunglasses and hide your ugly little eyes
Kind of like the way everyone tries to hide their lies.

How long will it take,
Before you realize this life isn’t fake.
I wished everything away too soon.
When I was young
I wanted the perfect family,
And a brave courageous father
But we can’t always get what we want, can we?
See I feel like my life is on a script,
Everyone knows me better than myself
And why?
Because I have closed myself off from the world.
Trapped myself in a box and I want out
But I cant!
you see
Its not up to me,
This life, this world,
Its scaring me.
I wanted it to be that when I fall
Angels catch me before I hit the ground,
But instead I am greeted by an alarming thud.
How many people have to die before you realize
That I will not compromise with who I am.
See people with depression are too busy trying to learn ourselves
And everyone else expects us to learn our content
Like a good little boy.
Don’t you see,
This life means everything to me,
You cannot prescribe me pills and medication
To change who the hell I am.
I am proud of me,
So what I get a little sad sometimes,
So what I wonder why I am here.
And all yo
u want me to do is hush
And breathe in and out.
No need for me to shout.
I am nothing
Sike!
I am everything!
depression does not control me
Depression is my cocoon
And I have emerged,
I am ready
To accept who I am,
Do not try to change me,
If you think you can love me than go ahead and try,
But please don’t make me cry,
Depression has a strong grip,
It doesn’t allow me to live,
And makes me feel like I want to die,
This is real.
The more I hide behind a smile
The more I realize that I am not okay.
And yes this poem is strange,
Call me a ******.
But don’t treat me like a mistake, like a typo.
Don’t turn your head when I say I need someone.
I hold out my hand,
But nothing happens.
I bleed out my heart,
Nothing happens.
And all you want me to do is disappear,
There is no one standing in front of the mirror.
So let me write a letter have it start like this,
Depression,
You will not win.
You will not remind me of my past sins.
Depression,
I am greater than you
Depression
You are under my feet
I am in control of my life,
I am helping others no matter the cost,
And how you ask?
What if I told you this poem is for you?
All of you.
Everyone with depression
And even those who don’t have it.
Depression will not win,
It is an outsider and not welcome in my life.
I forbid depression,
I kick it out.
Do not challenge me,
I am the challenger.
When you face me,
You better do it with a smile
This,
Is my time.
I will live my life,
And depression,
You will end.
How you ask?
I will breathe in
And out.
 Oct 2016 Crimsyy
lilac
a flick of her wrist and
the star is sailing through
the blackened sky.

he throws his head back
as his body runs with her love

but they're worlds apart,
and the galaxy can't hold all the stars.
 Oct 2016 Crimsyy
Peeka
I cry at night for a part of me that aches
A dragonfly friend I once had
A spirit none can break,
Is surely gone by now.

It was not a mistake
When all alone we bend rules
Though I still cry at night,
That creature was a mystical sight.

That dragonfly and me were alright.

I used to believe in a bearded man
A bunny bringing gifts at night
I believed in something far away,
Beyond my truth, a fake charade.

And now I see
The dragonfly wings beat on
Alive in my memory,
Hope for eternity.*

Your truth will set you free.
 Oct 2016 Crimsyy
fasi
Dragonfly
 Oct 2016 Crimsyy
fasi
As dawn broke,
came a dragonfly
to sit on my window sill
Change is come,
or more rain to fall, still?
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