This chapter draws me in
I can't say no to it
It looks exciting and dangerous
(like everything that's worth it)
I fell so many times before this
but I rose before, too
so keep that in mind

The biggest blessing came
falling from the sky like holy rain
when you expected no blessing at all
When you simply rocked to world's pace
Struggling and smiling, (yes, yes)

I have to affirm this force within
It comes and seizes me in crazy moments
(God likes to laugh)
Get away from my dying patterns
The night is mine, and so is the day
I just have to know where I aim.
But again, then...
I will be shown the way
It makes my pulse shake
My eyes squinted and cannot see well
Why I see stars when in the dark?
Maybe it's the way it must be, lass

Who needs bloated words when one has fountains of life
Who needs fairy tales when magic lies everywhere like that

Bury it deep! All your fattened hopes and all that ****
All your expectation that bar you from catching it
(You never said I love you, and it's not something I need
because you are here everyday with me.
And it's not something I need to hear
because I don't give a **** about the thing. I explain myself:
I am -trying to- focusing on the scene, having fun
for the sake of it)
Who needs chains when one has wings!
Considerate lovers, nothing higher to which we can aspire
This is it; nothing to complain about but the ever bloat
Unbloat your heart!
**** your ego
seek your soul!
**** dependence
**** your comfort
trash out the habits
**** your ties
**** your barriers
**** the pain but be aware appeasing might turn to jail

What went wrong?

Why do you appear now?
My old darling, I kicked you out!
What do you want from me this time?
Oh, God, you make me so high
Your *** - even if only in my mind
so nice, never fails to give me chills

Because when I am without you
I feel much lighter
I can float, I get high
in arms that treat me right
The world smiles in a whole new way
it looks better, and they say
so do I

Because you're no solution
You are no ******* answer
You are the Moon stirring problems
You're a dream turning into a nightmare

Because you never really loved me
I gave you all, you gave barely something

I will never fully recover from you
I am in rehab for this, I do
All I can aspire is to obliterate and block you
The kick of the drug will never lose its allure
Because our memories are scorching
and hot
and steamy
and intense and pathetic
and what not

So I won't give in to you
You are fading, you are a bad habit
My cigarrette when I am too stressed
You're a little vice that carries nowhere
You are a memory that stings profound
You're a masturbatory motif, if at all
That's you.
Nothing more.

You said can't take it no more
I bled a stream of painful love
Who's gonna save me from?

Only Matti and Klem there
To sing to my pain
Lull it to hibernate
(I am breaking free,
but it hurts, you see)

Imagination going wild
so sweetly, so casually
When they grab each other on stage
this girl boils and forgets

Getting deep into hell
You pushed me to the pit
burning there because I sin
You left me here
Why did you do that to me?
Only Klem and Matti understand
appease the gush of blood

Only Klem and Matti
to spice up the scene
of my broken days
they did leave at last
but I will always remember
what they did for me:
entertain me and anesthetize me
so I could undergo this hit
Eyes fully open, but it doesn't ache
Hands on deck, but enjoying the place

Old *****, please!
she is a queen!
she gets what she wants
because she doesn't try hard
I've been her - and I am
The power lies in all of us
can I fetch her now?

Old ****, I am
won't give my heart to no man
but in the shadows and the night
Have you tasted honey dear
did it leave you dizzy?
I got deviated from me

Where does this lead?
I scream, I scream, I scream

Because I had it all once upon a time
except a clear and healthy mind

And you can call me ****, if you want
and you can say whatever, put me down
but I will fight till my knuckles bleed
to taste the freedom and the truth
bleeding from such breakthrough

I've been drowning in crap
The demons they live inside
There are promises of life
wrapped in concertinas and barb wire

What are we running away from?
That is not the question
but whether we are suceeding or not

I've been in my little ****** dream
One foot in each side of me
I was real when I wasn't all over it
I saw honey and ran, ******* scared
Is it that you left me scarred?
Your kiss - I had you when I didn't expect
but I saw the rich honey get close
so I got lost

So afraid! So helpless!
Poetry is a stress dumpster
but this way of living is the solution and the problem

I've been drowning in myself
which is part heaven and part hell
how to catch a hold, a grasp
I have to be aware, only sometimes

This wisdom from the depths
this happiness when it rains
this is something to tackle
oh God, where did this become
such a battle?
To watch things happen!

Oh, God, you hurt me so much
Saturdays spent in tears all alone
My mom watching me and me watching the phone
My mom saying, "you have to cut this down"

And I did - and I slept in the belly of the beast
I burnt for nights of desire deep
I got high on Hatari, men, and my own ****
I slept for two months, widely asleep

Mini messages that feel maximized and meaning all
Starving every day with a tense chest
Feeling delayed, if at all only merely checked
Everything feels like a pulsating alert
My emotional poverty that you fed
You thought you loved me - well...
you probably did not

Was it really love? What the **** did I go through?
I still don't know
maybe I never will
you planted a seed
but the seed was me sprouting
you sprinkled me
but the power was all the time within
how to get it back
well I don't have to try