Oh, God, you hurt me so much
Saturdays spent in tears all alone
My mom watching me and me watching the phone
My mom saying, "you have to cut this down"

And I did - and I slept in the belly of the beast
I burnt for nights of desire deep
I got high on Hatari, men, and my own ****
I slept for two months, widely asleep

Mini messages that feel maximized and meaning all
Starving every day with a tense chest
Feeling delayed, if at all only merely checked
Everything feels like a pulsating alert
My emotional poverty that you fed
You thought you loved me - well...
you probably did not

Was it really love? What the **** did I go through?
I still don't know
maybe I never will
you planted a seed
but the seed was me sprouting
you sprinkled me
but the power was all the time within
how to get it back
well I don't have to try

You'll go to the trash can!
Because you can't keep up

You'll be trashed, garbage one
You'll be disposed
I don't buy your words
I know men so good after all

So there we go
our broken hearts
we are defective ones
that don't deserve a chance!

Lost link
yesterday
it hurts

Being so close
to touching heaven
then falling from...
and the anxiety to get it

it works the most
when not trying at all

And I am amazed at you
but this is not the way to do

But it is rooted in things
in all the strain
in all my disordered thoughts
I saw honey there
so I ran scared

I see the issues
and they hurt
but it's needed to see through

So I will have to destroy the roots
carefully
carelessly

Learn slowly
this is the way
You've never been full
your always half empty cup
Now you are
In a new land

It's all gratitude today
the anger has gone away

So many days thinking about
the ways you did me wrong
And now I see it clear
everyone does love
in the way they very can
it might be flawed, but still
it's love
and I must be thankful for it
And then, peace will follow

You helped me
Even if it was God's hand
You are my past
and despite all the pain and blast
We were beautiful,
even if only sometimes

I was lost, in the world
unable to control
my powers had me out of it
The world felt like a mess
but such was my head
Tangled tinsel threads
Tangled myself
I will never forget

I am drowning in my pain, but probably
Just getting more and more sane

Every now and then
hell
knocks back again
But I have a torch light
in my hand
I have bruises all over my body
reminding me the victories

And now I'm off the ward
still need an injection sometimes
I walk on my own, and the Sun smiles
on my eyes
can't believe I am this good

Maybe it's just a matter of...
sometimes that you can't explain
you can only ride along
explain with broken words
that make all the sense in the world
Follow the beat, jump the rope.
Do not get lost
Get lost, gal

Reason won
(it is just an undercover heart)
No more venomous cupcakes
stuck on my throat
Making me gasp, like an ******
that will **** me at last

And I can't complain really
The Sun shines, then it hides
I see the light in the darkest times
And smiling is a habit
you pull when it looks bleak

My doubts they block and litter
But I live for the head lights to flicker
Don't **** them
Ditch the poems and the love
Just burn
Learn to do it, love

Honey, honey, honey
I sing thee in the spare time
I sing the eternal
I had you last night
Will I get you back?
Please, please, please
I need the Sun to shine
I need my-our steamy nights

I gained my world -more than enough-
Every step I take makes me lost

But I can't complain
my life simply goes -sometimes-
simply well
So keep in mind
when things are not that right
Struggle for the Sun
sitting on the floor

I need you to stop being the canvas
Where I throw my bunch of pain
I need you to stop being honey
so I can taste you again

I have filled this so much with crap
Without being aware at all
How to proceed now
When you were just a button
of love's eternal blossom

I saw the departure points
the paths of my own brain
And I will do anything in my hand
to reverse the curse I've been cast

This poem goes nowhere
I said once,
ditch it all, burn burn burn

But you can't go back
you can only fix what's done
the only good thing
the only bad thing
often they are the same