I have to walk along with this wound
turning to scar sometimes, at last
I didn't choose it, but it seems to be it
I am not my illness; but it walks along me

And I have to come to terms with it every morning
It sabotages me and makes me strong.
I can't kick it. It is like a smothering rope, around my chest.
I am not my illness; but we are united bitterly

Lover or nurse - don't make me choose!
My illness came to make the most of me
It was something I had to touch with my hand
She's a topic to explain,
She's something I can't explain quite well
Yet she is there
I am not my illness; I will get free
Drown my hands in this rabbit hole
till I reach MY SOUL

Such a heavy feel, such a heavy sensation
the first day I met you!

Then it got strange
the demons started howling around
The demons who never went away,
maybe

Ah, the days in the mall
Feeling you all
A smile in my lips
water flowing underneath

But I'm *******
Am I?

I hope you never call back again, I hope you never do
But yet I want you in a muffled way, and I am nervous too
I went serious because it's too much lately
so much **** to write about but the heart is heavy

Perfect vision, hands tied
No way to help what's projected inside my eyes
I wish I could break away the unknown spell
And I think of him, every now and then
Do not repeat the same old evil patterns

Oh, you touch me and I come alive
but then again I'm a gutted girl
Who gutted me, then?
Was it me or was it him

I am like a programmed machine towards crashing
Who programmed me?
Which tracks I am trying to cover?
Who can help me now? Holy water?

It hurts it hurts it hurts
and I wish I could turn a blind eye
but I can't
What happened in my guts?
No more stars - but the ones of hurt

And you hold some keys
it might be the case
but I'm like a ******* maze

I have no idea where it goes
what I'm building or what I want
But I am going further on
I can't stop
And I want him, I think this is safe to say
is it a flower of one day?

I've got problems instead
the fireflies want to go astray
they linger in my *******
and if I call them they go away

I have no idea what I'm doing now
But I can't go back to your house
I was getting free, but
I always **** up in some way
Feels like this is a crashing delay

Let me open my wings
I will fly
give me time
I am so deeply afraid
of this bunch in my chest
this arousal leading nowhere
this obsession holding me down
I just want you
I do - pardon my knot
it hurts it hurts it hurts

You have to choose!
Ophelia or Queen Gertrude
draw blood in your arm
lose your mind for a man
or
dry your tears and be blamed
because you've done

Ophelia - broken girl
never a woman, always less
Ophelia are you my fate
I refuse to wear your name!

Queen Gertrude oprobium,
hate, and guilt upon you
Because you dared to be yourself
Give up the chains, simply reign
Rocked yourself to ***
You dance at life's pace.

But I feel Opheliac this morning
and I know it's not the deal
She died young and had no fun
She's no role model to me
I've already had my share of her ilk -
I've already lost my mind and gained it back

And I felt Gertrude yesterday
and I felt such shame
But to be on fire kills all blame

But ah, maybe real women are not
black and white schemes
we carry the rainbow inside
you can't put us into boxes and if you dare to do
I will indeed be Queen Gertrude,
because I am not going to die anymore
I am not taking blindly what comes,
I won't accept the idea of doom
I am not mourning for you, I know more now, I do

What drove me here?
It's pleasure with a knife
I was doing so well
Why did I have to **** up
Who to blame?
Is it the pornographic hell -

And you, you lie there
I want you bad
What is the secret to get out of the maze?
A pressure, a pressure on my chest
And *** is there, but it's not the ******* same

I was doing well,
what happened then?
Do I need a lover, or a nurse?

I seriously do not want to drown
But what is the answer then?
I am drowning maybe, anyway -
I was doing well.
But I won't let myself be ****** under
again

An ******, a God's kiss
is never a thing to miss
but it seems to have lost
the sparkle and the bliss

You were way too young and tender
for the devil to call you out
You could not make sense back then
So you simply started to drown

And afterwards, you shattered.
Slowly but incessantly.
You simply could not reach out
from the terrible visions you found

But they were just visions; a nightmare, perhaps.
Everything is a dream: no use in worrying about.
You slept for nearly 10 years, because you had simply broke down.
You were too confused but precious, with it all you could not put up.

Now you have to go back where it all began
Because the very corpse of death stares at you from all sides
Now you have to dig with your hands
deeper! deepest! You have to go that far

You tore; the wound becomes a scar
The future lays questions, answered with the past
but a fundamental new light
to read those lines