You were way too young and tender
for the devil to call you out
You could not make sense back then
So you simply started to drown

And afterwards, you shattered.
Slowly but incessantly.
You simply could not reach out
from the terrible visions you found

But they were just visions; a nightmare, perhaps.
Everything is a dream: no use in worrying about.
You slept for nearly 10 years, because you had simply broke down.
You were too confused but precious, with it all you could not put up.

Now you have to go back where it all began
Because the very corpse of death stares at you from all sides
Now you have to dig with your hands
deeper! deepest! You have to go that far

You tore; the wound becomes a scar
The future lays questions, answered with the past
but a fundamental new light
to read those lines

Today I mourn our death
A devastating pang in the chest
Although what never was
Can never die, or survive
But my hopes my love my pain
they were real as ****.

You never ever bought
me apart from selfish ***
And what should I do next
My house crumbles, questions to make
If this is love, I'd stick to hate

In what point did we become this?
I gave my whole life to nothing
And you kept it for yourself
Selfishly, as you always were

But the ******* - they are mine
My thirst - I used you first!
We ****** each other to death
To unlock what I had between my legs

And you might be the sickest man
Proof starts to overflow my hands
So far from what I thought we had
A hell boiled inside of me
Burning deep but I could not see

You never were for me, my man
At least you could have behaved, right?
You never were so nice -
Skeletons in the closet - plain old crap

I am not going to your bed ever again!
I don't need you to be complete now
You force me to be brutal and strong
You force me to be what I don't want

But to learn is our goal
I will learn again to love
Just sever the right from wrong
And go girl, go along.

You or anyone will never stop me

I've been on the psych ward for years
Unaware of everything around me
Wasting my time on what was my ****
Away from the world, including my core
Now they allow me to go out
because I forced the doors
I simply had to allow myself to do so
I guess it was all according to a plan of God

Now I frantically try to live
Sometimes I just want to hide in me
I want a kiss but sometimes I want to disappear
All I can do is merely to be
I've got scars in my face but they are not me
And it's a big question everytime we meet
I am the mad girl, how do you feel?

Hell never fully went away
It just got hidden in the folds of my skin
I just don't want to move from here
because
it's all useless to me
Hell is the address where I live
It makes no sense at all I'm wasting my time
because I can't tell what I desire

I've got such a dark place in my head
***** all my glee and my progress?
Nothing seems to be really worth the pain
but what about the gain stemming there?
Time to move on, shed on the chains
If you need it, tell about your special ways
But you are really not all that much of an alien sight
You're just a hybrid form of life

Where does this trail of whatever lead
Am I veering towards the easy deadly?
Do I have to fight again
For my identity

Every night is a triumph and a struggle
I am going higher and going lower and lower
Where is the truth?
Somewhere I held it in my hand
without looking at it, no intention at all
but it flees from me
this is what made me truly lose it

All the guessing and the imagining
the plotting, the theorizing
to explain what really makes us crazy
Reality is problematic

I have become Gertrude - that old widow
I keep men close, you're still a fresh corpse.
You might be mourning me but maybe you won't.
I don't do it out of desperation, or love gone wrong
I do it because I gotta move on

And I've got a hole yearning to be filled
And I discovered, there was no hole in reality
It hurts, sometimes it really does
It's your judgement chastising my existential lust
You try to punish me because I am alive
Was Gertrude such a *****? Or did she already cry enough?
Is Gertrude in her room with her hand below
I am the *****, the unsensitive one - for once
You hurt me much! I had to get my life back!
You died, it's true - you killed it with your hand

I don't want you now - that chapter is done and closed
Again I could put up with it much more
With all the **** you made me take
The shapeless unraveled we became
The painful, the hopeless, the fear everyday

You worded it first: you touched my soul
The needle was stuck on our hearts
The drug directly pumped to our cores
And the abstinence now it shows
Even if at uneven times and hours
The precious waste of our broken love
But I can take withdrawals pretty well
Do you, dear? Are you already ******* some girl?
And you appear, yes,
and I see your faults, but I watch your love
Such a dissonant meaningful song

Oh man, I pictured you in my bed
But we are turning sour or at least I do myself.
I rotted away, but it wasn't you
I die for your kiss: but can I go further than that
(I want it bad, I want you bad)?

I know the answers I just can't read now
I have to listen to my heart - and my *******

How quick! Is this the comeback I expected?
All my energies again all distorted!
I was doing so well - now uphill
counterflowing again

To fight for what you want: you mustn't
To give in to this rhythm: you musn't
How to find the way
in this very knotted thread!

What do I do everynight
What do I do everyday.
Chasing men and chasing a dream tinsel made.
How do I put my pieces back together?
With this schizophrenic puzzle I create

Throwing myself towards the barbed wire of ***
Such a curse and so blessed
I want it so bad, yet I can't get
Timing of the universe, be good to me this time!
Universe, please hold my hand! Please do not let it die!