I did not come but I saw the world
Gotta know so called love won't get you far
But maybe it's the only way out
of this hell where I am now
Lost in the airport, waiting to arrive home

How to push my head out of this smothering hole
or is it a womb?
Oh God carry me to my destination.
I am tired of being here lost in the airport.
Lost in my thoughts.

I did not come but I saw the world
and I saw my sad attempts, my getting lost

Can't wait to kiss you
Can't wait to get over this

The fear that ****** me down
I can see the puzzle falling into place
all of my dysfunction, all the maze

How to run away from the smothering embrace
of all those things that want to take LOVE'S place
hiding themselves, in fancy clothes and paillettes

So much **** to work on
I don't even want to look at
But running away forwards, backwards
never helped anyone

What does this mean?
Coming from the guts of my soul
But my soul is hostage now, I fear

I've been here
weird 14 year old
and I say
no more, no more
It's not so distorted - my core
Loose ends, unfitting scenes
Unclosed, missing links

And I love you, but what does this say?
Think with your heart and you'll know.
The answer lies somewhere you're satisfied
The answer is away but close
at the same time
Is it a wish I must rehearse?
Am I going too low?

I know this is a point of connection to the world
a peculiar hotspot -no pun-
I know this is the key to finally walk
It's self exploration warning without
Could love **** love?
How many feelings, how few words

I yearn your embrace, your hands all over me
But this everynight gift makes me feel weird.
Everything so weird.

You were the answer - for some years
Now the tunnel opens up - trembling fear

And I think of going back to us
like a bandage
or some days, a message even from above.
like God and his army playing drums
And I know you are the core,
and I believe in love...

But no way to go back to such time.
Because you did me wrong.
Girls in your phone.
Not caring about this anymore.

But...your eyes lost in mine.
the rush everytime you come to mind
The peace you gave - so shaky in the very last times

No easy answers now - there never were!
You, simply, were not the answer
that I deserve
I will fight till I break - this is it right now
And you can't run away
Gotta take the road - far from the house we called home
Only God knows -

What if, what if
What about, what about
Words seeping out of my mouth
The fear is so big
But there are big enough to fear

What if I have been bound all the time
which are the ropes and how do they tie
around my arms
Have I been bound forever
am I bound back?

I want you so much
I want it so bad
The more I push
the more it gets far

This is not love
and it won't get you anywhere

A fly interposes in my view
Promises to clear up but all she does is to blur
Self discipline in the face of this rigid chaos
Which is not love!

I gotta keep an eye on myself
Not to **** up again
The pile of failure is so thick
sky length

Chase the Sun - does it work?
Tao in my way - but is it my own?
My terrible tendences
I never fully catch them
What is the secret to this ******* mess?
Can't let them catch me again

Been thinking about it all
what does it mean and how it fits
in my map
maybe too much

I am like a matrioshka
a box
you gotta reach my core
I gotta do it too

Sometimes ***** others rotten away
With no kind of sense
(That's my aim!)
Because in the end it all fits

Why do I give myself away
to no one in the end? Dying so unaware
Lose my golden thread
that leads me to such a good place?

I think I liked him, like I could like anyone else!
And in the everyday charm, I fell for
And I lose my vital spark, for living life
what a paradox! what a strife!
I slipped once, not twice

So unsure! I drive to my destination
So lost, I find my direction
Why do I cling to men, instead of clinging
to myself
so I can really then turn to them

where is the lever I pulled wrong
where are my notes, where is the antidote?
No time for panicking anymore -

The wounds and the disease didn't leave
It will chase me till I face the demon clear
Maybe all I need is time - to heal
Maybe there is something wrong I need to steer
The answer won't be spoken or said, but found
Where am I now?

Mad loving girl, can you take?
Am I made to stay here - till the end
I wanna be picked up some day
But my metal legs - they pull people away

I came out of the ward yesterday
I want to drown in your eyes - all the time
I want to see the bright city lights
which were nothing but fireflies

And I am already obsessed
and I'm already such a mess
I will always be myself
this is my curse, but I'm also blessed
Haven't I learnt?

Because I met you in the twilight
and the twilight became my life
Now the Sun does not illuminate anymore
Now something gone wrong

Just take tiny steps
learn to control your inner stress

I told myself to chase poetry - my life's purpose
But something is dragging me - making me low
Handicaps and tests all along the road
things just froze

I am confused, utterly disturbed
The meaning of the lights and the signs
no longer I can describe

Only when I'm immerse in the pain
I can see where I must stray
only when I'm head deep in ****
I can speak, but I'm bound
It's painful to be caught
in this aphasia of thought
of the heart

This is life through a window pain
this is make believe living for amputated girls
never never succumb to its spell
you've already had this - you were living dead
remember those days?
So many words to say, which will indeed find their way
but maybe not today.

Can I run away from the ruin of us!
No, I cannot. I am hurt like a hunt deer
and we are dead so I live through this
I breathe through this. But I do not live.
But you haven't broken me - it was me

So here I am, an aphasic driver
trying to get to my destination
trying to understand
trying to roam again
so ******* misled
right is wrong and right is left
trying to steer the wheel
like I always did