I told myself to chase poetry - my life's purpose
But something is dragging me - making me low
Handicaps and tests all along the road
things just froze

I am confused, utterly disturbed
The meaning of the lights and the signs
no longer I can describe

Only when I'm immerse in the pain
I can see where I must stray
only when I'm head deep in ****
I can speak, but I'm bound
It's painful to be caught
in this aphasia of thought
of the heart

This is life through a window pain
this is make believe living for amputated girls
never never succumb to its spell
you've already had this - you were living dead
remember those days?
So many words to say, which will indeed find their way
but maybe not today.

Can I run away from the ruin of us!
No, I cannot. I am hurt like a hunt deer
and we are dead so I live through this
I breathe through this. But I do not live.
But you haven't broken me - it was me

So here I am, an aphasic driver
trying to get to my destination
trying to understand
trying to roam again
so ******* misled
right is wrong and right is left
trying to steer the wheel
like I always did

What is God's plan now -
how are things going to turn out
Some cleansing, after all

Psychosis is the cleanser of the soul
But I don't feel I've been unclean
I am in fate's hands, I've always been
Go deeper, till I find me
Sweat this fever, if such thing
(Take it easy, never entangle this)

I've lost my internal compass
did you take away, have you seen it 'round?
I want to talk, but I just blurt
I want to sing, but I just squawk
I feel unwell, too much **** to (un)say
The rabbit hole! Show me all!
My metal legs - they will stay
Why do I need to calm myself?
I get lost - a meta knot of thought
A jungle, made of concrete
A place, with no dreams.
A swinging smothering tide
A feeling you will lose this time.

Oh dear I got tired
but I don't know why
Do I?

Was it my pain in the chest
every Saturday night
was it paranoia
or was it God shedding some light

Was it my insecurity
playing tricks on me
or were you tricking me
with these chicks
I don't know - all of this
A part of me feels
like it has been heard so it doesn't scream

And I am not sure - but it's not us
I just feel overwhelmed, don't want to
be unright
We are coming to our end, and there are no tears in sight
I cried much before this came.

I can feel it in my bones - a new era comes
and it's up to me to learn from the rabbit hole
get bigger, never small
But the words freeze when they come to my mouth
I want to sing but I just blurt
Words get lost...so
I get lost, I get lost
Everything so critical, everything so strange
Everything so distant, everything on the edge
I just want to lick the blade...its taste
Don't let me die here, in a world so contained.
I don't want to cry, I just need my inner life.

Now I roam till I get lost
Now I flirt with men I don't really want
Yet I can't stop

Now I am confused – a girl of my zeitgeist
Now I come – but always a question afterwards
Where did I go?

Should I go back to your arms
that place I trashed so much now
the high comes every night yet I can't make it right

Now I live with hope
but the devil knocks my door!
The ghosts call out
even if they sing
Death is kicking hard
Life – just hold on tight
Am I missing it this time?

You visit me like an omen from the past
If you knew me now, maybe it could last
I can feel my body tense and tight
like that old night, like that old good night

How you broke my heart - you are the point
where it all starts
Now that I am slave to a fickle rhythm
Thomas, if I catch you now, ai se eu te pego, man
Let me show you what I learnt so far!

I am not the same girl - scared and so in love
Now I am free and I roam till I get lost
I felt the force, this time it could work
I felt my breath as shook as it was back then.
If I could step in time and catch back my strength!
A dream to keep breathing, a dream to go on.

I killed you, it's okay I did
I killed you because I needed to breathe
But we killed this together - partners in crime
And your ghost lingers around